Two Posts in the Same Day........surgery again??

FRIDAY UPDATE - Just met with the medical oncologist to finalize chemo. BUT, my medical oncologist's interpretation of the surgical pathology report is that all of my margins re-excised are focally positive with DCIS cancer and that means you need to have a mastectomy. She needs to be convinced by the surgeon about the surgeon's decision on Wednesday to release me and do no further surgery. Here we sit at 5:00pm on a Friday. Wait til Monday. So that's the Friday findings. I will wait til Monday to have them re-hash the mastectomy re-visit between the med oncologist and surgeon and hospital pathologist whose pathology report is quirky according to the two oncologists.

You know, I'm sitting here thinking, what settles us? I don't want to go through another anesthesia anytime soon. And I think in moments like this, it is about Truth settling deep down in our hearts where we really wrestle with the goodness of God. Psalm 51:6---David wrestled with his doubt of a good God, his sin. Is God good only if the report is good? Nope. I didn't question the surgeon til now. Actually, I still don't. I question the hospital pathologist and wonder if we should run the cancerous tumor/tissue slides back to MDAnderson for the third time for interpretation from their pathology department?

And I thought it would all be settled today. And it all started on April 1st. Ha. I'll embrace this weekend and take care of my body like my nutritionist told me to do in my appointment with him this morning. Had a great appointment with this doctor who mapped out a plan for me to build back my serotonin level naturally. He said my serotonin is depleted and we can do it with natural supplements. I've never tried anti-depressants for serotonin depletion and I have never taken supplements until April 1st---amino acids and glutamine and methyl and all-natural products. I have a super nutritionist with Lone Star Oncology who is aggressively treating the health of my body on a bio-molecular level. The supplements he has had me on are tried-and-true clinical findings from research places like Mayo Clinic and Duke University and MDA. My last two surgeries showed that I had exuberant healing occurring--- that's really good.

This cancer journey has been a huge wake-up call for me to take care of my body where I have been lax in what I ate and drank way-too-many cokes every day of my life. Not anymore, not since April 1st. No cokes. No sugar. No fast food. No Oreo's. No ice cream. Diet doesn't heal alone but disrespect of my body and what I put in it isn't healing me either. Don't know how I could have tackled this simple diet without God's help. Don't know how I've done it except maybe I'm desperate because I have cancer in my body and I am going to beat this thing by the grace of God.

So, as our confusing appointment ended, I brought up the word I thought would shoot out of the medical oncologist's mouth first, ---CHEMO. Her response? Absolutely not. Mastectomy, yes. Chemo, no. Your profile and oncotype is way too low. 4% incremental benefit if you take chemo. "Not even a consideration," she blurted out. You are kidding me? I didn't even have to make a decision about chemo. After reading my profile, five different oncologists all have said "no chemo." (The medical oncologist actually did say "chemo" on the last visit but seemed to definitively change her leaning.) So, there you go. She didn't even give me a choice on chemo. The only people who said chemo was MDA---institutional policy for micrometastasis.

I'll post again Monday as I go for my first radiation appointment at 8:30am unless they pull me out to put me on the surgery table again.

Here's another silly story. I left my oncologist's office at 5:00pm and went straight to my surgeon's office next door to leave a handwritten note asking for clarification for my confused soul. While trying to slip the carefully crafted handwritten note in perfect penmanship, face up, under her locked glass door, my hand got caught under the rubber sweep guard that allows you to easily slip mammogram files under her door. My hand was stuck! I burst out laughing so hard---at least I wasn't crying. Don't panic. And you know the rest of the story because my hand is typing this post---I got it out! I could envision Bob eventually wondering where in the world his wife was and coming up to find me laying on the floor rolling laughing in a dark vacant building with my hand stuck in the surgeon's door. Who should we call for help? Bob just kept waiting downstairs in the car for me. Wondered why I took so long.

I'm so bewildered and bothered and bold and bracing myself to fall before God this weekend and let Him carry me through this. All I know to do is cry out to Him moment by moment by moment. Reminds me of Deut 1:31. "There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as parents carry their children. He carried you wherever you went until you came to this place." I am going to keep crying out and ask God to carry me and help me live in the present moment while I wait for Monday to come.