Friday, June 26, 2009

Two Posts in the Same again??

FRIDAY UPDATE - Just met with the medical oncologist to finalize chemo. BUT, my medical oncologist's interpretation of the surgical pathology report is that all of my margins re-excised are focally positive with DCIS cancer and that means you need to have a mastectomy. She needs to be convinced by the surgeon about the surgeon's decision on Wednesday to release me and do no further surgery. Here we sit at 5:00pm on a Friday. Wait til Monday. So that's the Friday findings. I will wait til Monday to have them re-hash the mastectomy re-visit between the med oncologist and surgeon and hospital pathologist whose pathology report is quirky according to the two oncologists.

You know, I'm sitting here thinking, what settles us? I don't want to go through another anesthesia anytime soon. And I think in moments like this, it is about Truth settling deep down in our hearts where we really wrestle with the goodness of God. Psalm 51:6---David wrestled with his doubt of a good God, his sin. Is God good only if the report is good? Nope. I didn't question the surgeon til now. Actually, I still don't. I question the hospital pathologist and wonder if we should run the cancerous tumor/tissue slides back to MDAnderson for the third time for interpretation from their pathology department?

And I thought it would all be settled today. And it all started on April 1st. Ha. I'll embrace this weekend and take care of my body like my nutritionist told me to do in my appointment with him this morning. Had a great appointment with this doctor who mapped out a plan for me to build back my serotonin level naturally. He said my serotonin is depleted and we can do it with natural supplements. I've never tried anti-depressants for serotonin depletion and I have never taken supplements until April 1st---amino acids and glutamine and methyl and all-natural products. I have a super nutritionist with Lone Star Oncology who is aggressively treating the health of my body on a bio-molecular level. The supplements he has had me on are tried-and-true clinical findings from research places like Mayo Clinic and Duke University and MDA. My last two surgeries showed that I had exuberant healing occurring--- that's really good.

This cancer journey has been a huge wake-up call for me to take care of my body where I have been lax in what I ate and drank way-too-many cokes every day of my life. Not anymore, not since April 1st. No cokes. No sugar. No fast food. No Oreo's. No ice cream. Diet doesn't heal alone but disrespect of my body and what I put in it isn't healing me either. Don't know how I could have tackled this simple diet without God's help. Don't know how I've done it except maybe I'm desperate because I have cancer in my body and I am going to beat this thing by the grace of God.

So, as our confusing appointment ended, I brought up the word I thought would shoot out of the medical oncologist's mouth first, ---CHEMO. Her response? Absolutely not. Mastectomy, yes. Chemo, no. Your profile and oncotype is way too low. 4% incremental benefit if you take chemo. "Not even a consideration," she blurted out. You are kidding me? I didn't even have to make a decision about chemo. After reading my profile, five different oncologists all have said "no chemo." (The medical oncologist actually did say "chemo" on the last visit but seemed to definitively change her leaning.) So, there you go. She didn't even give me a choice on chemo. The only people who said chemo was MDA---institutional policy for micrometastasis.

I'll post again Monday as I go for my first radiation appointment at 8:30am unless they pull me out to put me on the surgery table again.

Here's another silly story. I left my oncologist's office at 5:00pm and went straight to my surgeon's office next door to leave a handwritten note asking for clarification for my confused soul. While trying to slip the carefully crafted handwritten note in perfect penmanship, face up, under her locked glass door, my hand got caught under the rubber sweep guard that allows you to easily slip mammogram files under her door. My hand was stuck! I burst out laughing so hard---at least I wasn't crying. Don't panic. And you know the rest of the story because my hand is typing this post---I got it out! I could envision Bob eventually wondering where in the world his wife was and coming up to find me laying on the floor rolling laughing in a dark vacant building with my hand stuck in the surgeon's door. Who should we call for help? Bob just kept waiting downstairs in the car for me. Wondered why I took so long.

I'm so bewildered and bothered and bold and bracing myself to fall before God this weekend and let Him carry me through this. All I know to do is cry out to Him moment by moment by moment. Reminds me of Deut 1:31. "There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as parents carry their children. He carried you wherever you went until you came to this place." I am going to keep crying out and ask God to carry me and help me live in the present moment while I wait for Monday to come.


Kate 6/26/2009  


Love you.

Laura 6/27/2009  

Bev, I'm still praying for you. What a journey you have been on. I don't make it around to my bloggy friends to visit like I used to, but you have been on my mind.

Sending lots of love,

Mary Lou 6/27/2009  

Bev, woke up with you on my mind. Having computer trouble and didn't know if I could even get it on...wanted to be able to check on you. Was thankful to see your post. Was thankful to see that NO Chemo has been decided for you. Buy some Aloe jell in a natural foods store to put on your body where they will do the radation. It is supposed to help reduce the damage to your skin. Another cancer patient told me this fact, or at least for her. I truly see Him carrying you, He has gone before you in so many ways and you have always shared and glorifed and honored Him with your testimony. He is ALL over your journey and this particular part in full. I see Him in my life too and in small ways and that is the blessing is not, dear sister to see Him not just in the big things of life but maybe especially in the small things. May He flood your soul with the Sonshine of His love and meet you at every step this week end as He has in the past few weeks. Blessings and prayers and hugs...Mary Lou

Bobbie 6/27/2009  

What an awesome picture I have in my mind at this moment! "your God carried you, as parents carry their children" Beautiful Bev, God is holding you in His arms during this difficult time, carrying you through each day-from Dillards to Doctors! I'll continue praying for peace in your heart and that your Drs will use perfect wisdom in your treatments. Keep us posted...

In His love, Bobbie

twinkle 6/27/2009  

When I picture your hand caught in the surgeon's door...I just think about how tight the grip is that God has on you. He has you in his grip. With His strong right hand. You are not gripping Him. He is gripping you! And you cannot pull out of His grip!
Thank you for letting us be here for you. Really. Thank you. It would be so much easier to crawl up into a closet and just bawl your eyes out. But here you are revealing Christ and the way your faith is being revealed through this *@!#.
I hate that it is in your chest wall. And I'm not going to let it steal my hope. Mustard seed faith is all it takes, Bev! The POWER is His! The mustard seed faith is all we bring to this party.
Here's mine! "."
Teeny tiny but God says it is enough.
He's trusting you so much to walk this path. He is trusting YOU!

Sharon Brumfield 6/28/2009  

Coming by to check in on have been on my mind.
I am glad to know that you are sitting CONFIDENTLY right smack dab in the hands of our Father. And you are right.....there is no confusion lingering in the mind of the almighty about what needs to be done in your case. He set that plan way before you were born.
I do pray that He will make His will loud and clear to your doctors...get them all on the same page.
Your testimony is precious to me....and you are more than precious to Him. I am here.....still praying for you as you walk this path. You are doing Him proud girl...your heart for Him is showing through loud and clear.
New mercies everyday....I pray the truth of that floods your heart, mind and soul.

kathleen in TX 6/28/2009  

Happy to hear that you won't need chemo! I will be praying for the doctors to have a clear treatment plan. What a picture of being carried by the Father!

Anonymous 6/28/2009  

Dear Friend, I am so grateful that in the middle of the confusion, we serve the God of peace. Abba Father, I ask that even this evening you give divine wisdom to every man and woman who will speak to Bev concerning the future and these medical decisions, from receptionists to technicians to surgeons to doctors, God, let them see YOUR DIVINE PLAN for Bev. Shower her in YOUR love and keep her in YOUR peace.

Much love!
Kristen in Fort Worth

Denise Graham 6/29/2009  

Dear Bev,
I have never posted before but I have been keeping up on your blog. I found the link through the Siesta Fiesta blog.
I have been praying for you and think that even though you don't feel like it you are so strong and so brave. I only hope if the Lord has me ever go through something like this He will lift me up as much as He has you.
I just wanted to leave you a link to this webpage. I found this last year when I was going through a bout of psoriasis on my hand. I really do believe our diets play a major role in our health too.
Here it is, I hope it helps you.
I will keep praying that God carry you through and heal you.
Love in Christ,

Praying for Our Friend Joanne Psalm 131:3 Waiting on God. Hope Now. Hope Always.

House of Blessing Tribal Childrens Home

House of Blessing Tribal Childrens Home
"Whoever welcomes a little child in My Name, welcomes Me." Matthew 18:5 We have posted pictures of the orphans receiving their gifts from you. Scroll down to the post entitled "Today Was the Big Day." Many orphans didn't own anything of their own, but now do, because of you.

My Family

My Family
Britt, Blair, Bev, Bob, Brooke, Barrett


I've met some amazing women through blogging. I would love to hear from you. My personal e-mail is:
I have another blog where I blog daily as a small group of us read through the New Testament this year. It's called A String of Pearls. We carry each other on mats (when we just can't walk anymore) to Jesus and sweet things like that.


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