Britt Returns from Bolivia

         * Thank You from Beautiful Bolivia  *

                                        This is Britt.  I want to say a huge Thank You for your awesome support

                                                   of my trip to Bolivia through your prayers and financial gifts.

 It was so exciting to be a part of what God is doing in Bolivia. I was a part of a group of 15 Pine Cove staffers who partnered with Camp Kewiña in Cochabamba within the network of Christian Camping International. This was the 1^st year for this partnership for Pine Cove. It was a humbling experience to help teach their native staff some of the things we do to run a camp well and learn from them how to share the gospel message in their cultural context.

                                            We actually ran a camp of high school students with the Bolivian leadership,

                                  incorporating theme nights and all those things that make Pine Cove what it is---

                                                         an awesome place to find God and know Him better. 

 .

                                                       I learned that God moves despite the cultural barriers.
                                                        God is working all over the world, not just America. 

                                           We share one common goal to know Christ and make Him known. Philippians 3:10

                                                                                              
On our day off, we hiked up a mountain with a crazy steep incline & visited the Cristo de la Concordia. Look at the amazing view of  2 million people in Cochabamba as we gazed from inside of the huge statue of Christ.

I made lifelong friends in Bolivia. I’ll serve with these guys this summer as I’ll be a Senior Counselor at Pine Cove Camps. If you’d like to read more about our time in Bolivia, our ministry blog is: http://towersbolivia.blogspot.com. 

Because of you, I could go.

My sincere gratitude

for helping to send me to Bolivia.        Britt

Whisper A Little Prayer for Britt in Bolivia

Would you whisper a little prayer for my boy? Britt leaves for Bolivia on Tuesday on a mission trip with the leaders of Pine Cove Camps.  It's a beautiful vision PCC is bringing to several places in South America.

We're on our way to Pine Cove this weekend.  What stirs in Britt's heart is such a good thing.  He could be spending his Christmas break skiing with his buddies.  He wanted to be a part of making a difference in Bolivia.

We would be so humbled if you joined us in praying for Britt sometime during the next two weeks.  Pray God's Protection over my boy.  He has finally recovered from a year-long bout with mono.  Pray God's Good Hand over the 15 college students and Pine Cove leaders on this trip.  May they all be "gripped" by a very Good God. 

And pray that the rest of his money comes in by this Tuesday when he leaves.  He still is in need of about $500. Would you like to join in on what God is doing in another country? If God leads you to send $5 or $50, you can send it to Britt by PayPal. So appreciative! Our PayPal account address is:  sixbrandons@sbcglobal.net. You may call Britt directly to talk or pray with him about his trip, if you would like ~ 817.915.3349.

To those of you who gave to Britt to make this dream of his come true, this mom sends a huge note of thanks.  This has been a very tight tough year financially for us, coming off of cancer.  God has stepped into our midst and provided in our need in ways that just doesn't happen very often in America.  Long story.  Big God!  We are so grateful that Britt has this awesome opportunity.

There is always a "ram in the thicket" and may we have eyes to see what God is doing in our lives.  May He provide for our son and those he will reach, beyond what we can ask.

A Thousand Thanks for caring about our youngest boy whom God is stirring. Would you say a little prayer for him this day?

Happy Birthday Barrett

Happy 30th Birthday Barrett

We've watched you train to become one of the most awesome pro triathletes out there.

You've always had an awesome work ethic.

You have your dad's #1-in-the-country genes.

Your mom remembers most of the past three decades.

You brought us more joy than I can ever tell.

Your sisters adored you ... and they still do!

Whether it's placing 5th in the ITU Team Triathlon World Championships in Switzerland

Or 1st in a 25-mile bike ride when you were four, your family believes in you

and loves you more than you will ever know.

Not for what you do, but for who you are.

We may not be able to travel the world to follow you, but you will always be in our hearts.

And this mom is right there with you---I'm staying forever there

praying for you every day of your awesome life.

Loving the young man whom you have become!

Little Britt came along ten years after you were born.

Looks like you are almost passing up the 6' 4" fella.

He doesn't remember much of the three of you being at home.

But as he has entered college last year, he is fast becoming your best buddy. I love my boys!

Three Christmas decades ago I checked into a Fort Worth hospital to deliver an overdue baby

who took 2 MORE DAYS to be born.

You have always approached life

with brewing curiosity and boiling charm.

Whether we were on a Real Farm like above or the Worm Farm we enjoyed or watching tractors

You have marked us all forever

 beyond my dreams!

Your family thinks the world of you!

And now your wife has stepped in

to love and cherish and she does!

On Christmas Day when you were asked

what is beautiful in your life,

your immediate response was: My Wife!

You're humble and passionate and tenacious and bright and

you're on the right path of life.

Keep on fighting the good fight of faith. I Tim 6:12

Happy Birthday Son!

Your Madre Loves You More Than Tongue Can Tell

"The Other Side"

I am being swept away by a Beautiful God in Seattle. Something about Him carries us away. It's Him Here!   Just ate dinner at a quaint milltown restaurant in this spectacularness no words can describe. Would have to make them up. Mount Rainier sits outside my window.

My oldest boy, Barrett, sits across the booth. Bob will leave us in a few minutes to go back to his dad who was hospitalized just yesterday, upon our arrival here---oh my!

Barrett competed yesterday in the ITU Pan American Cup in Monroe, Washington. Bob and Terri Crowell and their two boys rolled out the red carpet for him, literally! Bob & I cheered and texted and screamed and jumped up-and-down as Barrett swam two laps, 1.5 km with Mount Rainier in the backdrop.  Transition was a stone's throw and we watched all eight who came out of the swim together shimmer through to their bikes in seconds! That was a rare treat to see! Next up, 40 km on the Bike, 8 laps and we loved every one of them!  Barrett was in the lead pack with 12 others. Tight like sardines. This mom holding her breath taking pictures furiously, praying wildly. Again, eight of them off the bike to the run, all together. So his swim and bike was just fabulous.  The run was oh-so-hard.  Hunter pulled ahead to run the 10 km and win it all.  Barrett came in 8th.  Top Ten made money---that's a very good thing!  Good and bad in every race. Never-perfect competitions. Chasing his dreams! Love it! Next stop is the Edmonton World Cup.  Only six Americans are invited to compete and Barrett will be one of them.

Back at the restaurant, the waitress lights up: "Did you see Mount Rainier?" You know, when the locals never tire of the majestic mount, that's something!  You see, they don't see it very often.  It's there but not visible to them day after monotonous day.  No, they rarely see it in this village.  So when she peaks through the clouds, the community awakes from their slumbering daily race and cheers.

Brings to mind a story that George MacDonald told about Jesus' death.  "After He had gone out of their sight, and they looked all around and down in the grave and up in the air, and did not see him anywhere---they thought they had lost Him.  But, He began to come to them again from The Other Side---from The Inside!  The meaning of anything is more than its visible presence."  The disciples began to see things that they had never seen before when Jesus was with them.  They loved Him so but forgot His Words and cowered when asked if He was their friend. But not in Acts!  Just like that missing mountain, they appreciated and abided in Him so much more after His Death.  Nothing physical anymore.

His Spirit is more than a bodily presence.  He has given each of us a Gift of the Spirit of God in our inmost being.  He gives us This Gift and gives us the ability to enjoy it through His Power.  Unbelievable!  So, when rest evades me, when hospital visits wear us thin, when peace about our dire circumstances doesn't pass understanding, and if there are no joy bells ringing in my heart, then what has gone amiss???  We have The Gift!  He's here but maybe I'm not all there.  And those are simply signposts that cause us to take a deep look inside our empty hearts.  The Spirit of God is waiting to fill that empty space with Himself, The Gift!  He's here in Seattle.  He'll be back home with me tomorrow as we wave goodbye to Brooke sending her to Thailand for a bit. Then, welcome Britt home from counseling kids at Pine Cove this summer. Then, pray for Blair who is moving once again due to flooding.  There's the update on the Brandon front.

So grateful to a Good God awakening my own heart in the midst of some suffering!  When do you find yourself most awake with Him?

10,800 Days of Being a Mom

Happy Easter to you and your family! May your Sunday be full of promise and hope. May you leave your Easter service a changed person. 

Empty nests---no bunnies here.  Our Easter plans were firm and fun.  All eight of us here in ATX.  Then, someone threw more than one bunny wrench in the Easter plans and I'm home alone for Easter weekend for the first time E.V.E.R. 

Folding up the apron, sending all the kids off to college and marriage, no one home for such a Holiday, the silence is deafening to me. Brooke said I'm having a double case of emptynesters cause I was a mama for longer than most people have kids at home---like 30 years worth. That's 10,800 days living with children and I loved every single day, or parts thereof! It's been 233 days without children.  Look who's counting!

Brookie said I need to find a hobby like scrapbooking all those pictures I took over the lifetime. Funny how people think you don't have anything to do if you're an emptynester.  I have enough to do to last me a lifetime!  More goals than I can accomplish---that's not the problema.  Teaching full-time.  Counseling Courses. Continuing Education Classes. Leading bible studies. Writing. Speaking. Mentoring....On and On.  I even went to the Holy Land!

I've thought a lot about I Samuel 30:6 for this season of my life.  "David encouraged himself in the LORD."  I've spent my life surrounded by people I deeply loved and they are g.o.n.e. They've moved on to begin their own lives and that's good and right. For me, it's like going from living in the middle of Grand Central Station to an anechoic Silence Chamber (I googled it!). I want someone to shoot me with a paintball gun (really now!). I Want To: Step on a Lego.  Clean up spilled messes. Play hot wheels with a little boy. Make faces on sandwiches. Crawl in a kid's bed and pray with them. Throw water balloons off the balcony. Read Daniel in the Lion's Den to my boys. I want to take them on v-a-c-a-t-i-o-n.  Can I borrow your kid?

Manana, I get to celebrate the God I so ADORE and I cannot wait! I trained 8 weeks for tomorrow's service at Austin Stone to offer counseling at the end...so excited to serve! And, Bob will be preaching an Easter sermon!  Can't wait to see what God does.  Let's Celebrate God this Easter Sunday.  Sing together---everyone!  All you honest hearts, raise the roof, Psalm 32:11. 

I walked into the tomb where Jesus was buried in Jerusalem last November and looked right, just like it says in the Bible, and He was not there!  The stone was rolled away not to let Him out---He was already gone!  He let all humanity in when His Angel rolled away the stone.  And, One Day, He's coming again and will split humanity into those who followed Him and those who wouldn't.

So, I'm back to I Samuel 30:6.  This week has been so difficult and I was so looking forward to Easter with my family.  Didn't happen.  So how do you encourage yourself in the LORD when life sends you into a frenzy, a funk?  This text says that David took it all patiently and exercised faith in his God. How do you do that? Maybe, I'm asking the wrong question. It's not about "doing."  Not about figuring it out. David leaned hard on God's Power and Providence, whatever it is God IS providing for you.  He fell forward on God's faithfulness cause He won't ever walk away from us even though people have walked away from me.  David remembered God's Grace and God's Goodness. What comes to my mind this very moment about His Goodness to me? Think on that. 

David never lost hope that God would appear for him in some way or another and work it out.  Is my hope in God or in solutions?  Am I willing to live with problems unsolved, unconquered?  "David strengthened himself in the Word of His LORD."  What Word is God speaking to me?  Okay God, I'm setting my hope on your Grace, I Peter 1:13. Believing you for Isaiah 43:19. BEHOLD.  I will do something "new" for emptynesters.  David was brought low before he was raised up to the throne.  I'm pretty low, Dear God, but, I'm taking my encouragement from Your Word!

WON! COME!

Two years ago to this very day, frightful words freighted out of an unknown visiting doctor's mouth.  A train wrecked in my heart, and I dropped to the feet of my husband and sobbed on his wing-tipped shoes, and I faced my own mortality.  A grim diagnosis of cancer, metastasized.  A flagrant miss on my last mammogram.  Unnoticed by the radiologist.  So noticed by a Good God, not a Grandfather God, but a very Good God Who is always out for doing us good, no matter what.  Jeremiah 33:20---I mean, when was the Last Time that the Sun didn't set or dawn at the right time?  When is the Last Time God refused to be good to me and to you?  My life so wants to tell of the Goodness of God!

Two years down the road and my hand is over my mouth in awe.  I used to have a lot more words, loads of loquacious complaint yet worship and grimace yet gratitude.  But this anniversary, I'm all silenced.  You see, my circumstances have esoterically gone*haywire*awry*languor*imbroglio* 

Struggling for petrichor---the smell of the earth after rain.  Psalm 27:13-14
Struggling for panacea---the solution to at least one of the problems we face. 2 Chron 20:12
Struggling for peace---not offense, blessed are you when you are Not.Offended.by.God. Luke 7:22
Struggling for my place in this worn world---advancing Good News that Christ can be formed in you and you and you. Gal 4:19

Fast Forward to Revelations...
Peruse and Peer and Peek into Eternity---what do we hear there? Rev. 19: 6-8 Hallelujah! Rejoice and Be Glad. Give Him Glory! For the Wedding of the Lamb has come and His Bride has made herself ready! So how are we doing making ourselves ready? 

If we call Him LORD, we'll be doing the right things. But if I make my aim:  Great marriage, successful ministry, awesome kids, fulfilling friendships...wait! That's not what is being proclaimed in Eternity. What is being proclaimed in Revelations 19 is twofold:  Won!  Come!
1. The Final Victory has already been WON! Christ Jesus accomplished His Plan and reigns forever!
2. The Marriage Supper of the Lamb has COME! We have been invited to the Wedding, in truth, you are the Bride. You stand scarlet no more. Your sins are gone. You stand before your Groom, pure and holy as He!

We are not singing a song that we've done it! That our children turned out great! Or, here's our successful ministries planted in Your Name! Or even, my marriage was awesome! Look what I did with my life! No. No. We are singing His Praises from way-down-deep gratitude for lives lived in His Presence, by His Power that changed us and made us who we are walking down the aisle.

And with my hand over my mouth, I kneel this night to close this hard cancer anniversary in surrender to a very Good God.  With Reticence and Rest, I come to find Strength and Power to move out in Life and Love, not counting my way-too-many sorrows, but counting on the opportunities to bring others with me. I hear His Words that He has spoken to me and they are for you too.  Deut 32:47.  No idle words, they are our very life!  Whatever is not of the Attitude of my Christ, Phil 3:15, reveal where I've forgotten, where I've failed, where I faint.  Let me be more "taken" with Your Love than with my failures. With Your Hand of Grace on our Shoulders, and by Your Unbelievable Power, we will change it and truly live.  Not in our own Energy, but in yours, Col 1:29, the Energy of Christ so powerfully at work in you and me.

Blessed are those not.offended.in.God.  Luke 7:22.
In the corridors of truth, may I not miss the Mystery, a liminal place between two threshholds of time.  Today and Eternity.  We will throw all this sempiternal stuff down before the God-Who-Sees-All. Gen. 21:19.   Lay down the doings this day.  There's a Larger Story than just my little life of securing steady work and leaving legacies and growing gardens and fighting foes and creating children and daring to dream.  Doesn't mean we ever stop doing good.  Just says that in Eternity, we will be singing His Praises not our own, no matter what!

Ann Voskamp, http://www.aholyexperience.com/  writes on her blog about the She Speaks Conference in North Carolina.  Ann is offering a random scholarship for one Judges 6:12 mighty warrior like Gideon who was scared stiff in his story but so wanting to serve.  Oh, may our Good God use us to birth stories of service and grace.  I am in the pains of childbirth that Christ be formed in me and in you! Gal. 4:19.

These women,  http://shespeaksconference.com/, are conduits of composing this Psalm 45:1 kind of offer for writers, speakers, and ministry leaders. We all only have this moment, this life to leave a legacy, make a mark, reach out with redemptive rhetoric. If you've held tightly any thoughts of writing and speaking and ministering in leadership, then check out Lysa TerKeurst's blog http://lysaterkeurst.com/ and meet an amazing woman who is a "minister of the Word" (Luke 1:2). Titus 1:1 says that we are all servants of the Word of God for the faith of His People and the Knowledge of the Truth that leads to changed lives---that Christ be formed in many mighty warriors!

She Speaks ... Proverbs 31:25

Amazing Awesome Awestruck Austin Spring Break!!! 
So why am I crying?

Just delivered my mono-sick college boy to his home under the Supermoon,
brought Britt back to Jester Dorm at the March-Madness winning University of Texas.
Total privilege to be Britt's Mama & "Minister of the Word" like Dr. Luke says in Luke 1:2,
"Minister" - it's a medical term meaning serving under a physician, The Great Physician!
Britt is my caboose and my freighted soul has folded my apron once again this week. 
Why is this so hard to say goodbye this time?

Loved every spring break second of serving Britt who is oh-so-sick since November, and
Loved serving 99 college students my daughter Brooke brought down from UTA for a missions trip
to serve our city's children and homeless and underserved.
Helped cook 60 pounds of chicken and 110 pounds of beef and 10 pounds of brownies and 15 pounds of peach cobbler and ...
the loquacious calories and 99 liminal lives I loved have moved on.
What stirs so heavy my weighted wonderful looming lunar life?

~I long to finish well~
God has orchestrated a transition for us.  It is so God!
We're between jobs, between insurance, between a place to live,
between friends,  between churches, NO LONGER in between cancer...
"Detaching me from Dependence on anything that brings me joy other than Him," 66 Love Letters
Bob lost his church job and we cannot wait to find another ministry to serve!
But we wait on God, Psalm 27:13-14, not on any man.
And I ask myself, is there anything I want more than the Love of my Christ?

For the past three decades in a row, I've had a myriad of children tugging at my skirt and heart.
The moon is rising in my heart, raising four and many more to know Him and live alive!
Speaking and writing, though sporadic, overwhelmed me with such joy
while mothering and ministering and I'd love to go back to speaking again.
I loved every esoteric exigent ineffable chapter we just closed
and it's bothering me that's there are no re-runs.
O God, help me face this new opportunity to love my husband,
love my world with fearless courage (Phil 1:9 Moffat).
So what is the Beautiful God I so adore stirring inside of me?

This I know...
It's not what happens to us along the way
but what happens inside of us that matters for Eternity.
And it's a Beautiful God that is so stirring up Hope and Confidence in all the messes I've made.
C.S. Lewis once said:  "No man knows how bad he is until he has tried very hard to be good."
I'm seeing more of the sin that resides in me, Rom 7:18, that I never ever dared dream was there,
and at the same time, seeing oh-so-much-more hope within that I never dreamed I could live in! 
And I worship! And it's my fears that cause me to worship The Messiah of My Dreams.
And I want! To walk alongside others and offer hope and courage and dreams.
And I wonder!  Do I really hate my sin more than my suffering? 

So, that's why I'm entering this opportunity to win a Cecil Murphy Scholarship to attend the She Speaks Conference this summer. Renee Swope is the kind conduit of composing this Psalm 45:1 kind of offer: http://www.reneeswope.blogspot.com/
She Speaks, click http://shespeaksconference.com/, is a once-in-a-lifetime learning opportunity for writers, speakers, and ministry leaders. 
Editors and industry professionals are close-up and personally available with advice and direction.  If God is stirring words and wit and wisdom in your heart, this conference is the place to be in July.  We all only have this moment, this life to leave a legacy, make a mark, reach out with redemptive rhetoric. If you've held tightly any thoughts of writing and speaking and ministering in leadership, then check out Lysa TerKeurst's blog http://lysaterkeurst.com/ and meet an amazing woman who is a "minister of the Word" (Luke 1:2).
Titus 1:1 says that we are all servants of the Word of God for the faith of His People and the Knowledge of the Truth that leads to changed lives!  Mine and yours!  I so want to finish well!

So what are these tears for? 
When is the Last Time the ordained moon didn't rise? Psalm 8:3
When is the Last Time He refused to be good to you and to me?  Jeremiah 33:20
My God is about to do something new. Isaiah 43:19
Would you pray that I find Him in these present sufferings.  Romans 8:18
I so miss my kids under the dine of every shining moon!

99 Spring Break Students + Britt = 100

They say "no news is good news."  Who is they?  My oncologist has not called with the results of my latest scans.  Waiting...

Meanwhile, I sit at Seton Hospital waiting for my youngest boy to be X-rayed for pneumonia, again.  He's had it since Christmas. Why can't a strapping young boy fight off walking pneumonia?  Mono.

From the swamped hospital waiting room, I swipe my own doctor's office for results. There's James on the end of the line:  "Mrs. Brandon (who is holding her breath), Everything looks normal.  Markers are stable."  Breathe out.  And I believe it's quite all right with the God I so adore to hold my breath for a second or two to see what's next. 

For my joy, my rest comes not from cancer-free news or job-of-the-decade news or even a job.
Isaiah 30:15 "In Returnings and Rest,
In Quietness and Confidence, my Strength is in You. 
It is good news that my cancer remains within a normal range.  My tumor markers won't go down to zero because of metastasis.  But these are just numbers, mere information, and I wait on a very Good God, no matter what.  Test results are not our hope and joy, only He is.

Britt's home for Spring Break, sleeping the week away, trying to recuperate...we'll see what the doctor says.  And we'll keep on praying for good health.  In the waiting room...

Brooke and her BSU staff are here in A-town all week.  She brought 99 students.  99 UT college students!!!!!   From the other A-town. Here to serve our city!   Britt & I helped serve roast & potatoes last night and then the worship---touched my soul deeply!!!   Here are kids who are truly waiting on God. 

This emptynester is like off the charts in spring-break-week-off excitement having two of mine own HOME. I miss my kids more than I can ever say.  Three straight decades of children tugging on my skirt and heart and not a day off! They say it will get better...hmmm.  On my way to go help cook dinner for the 99.  You know I am ecstatic! 

Isaiah 30:18 - The LORD longs to be compassionate on every one of us.  Britt asleep. Tsunamis ravaging oh so many.  The tsunami photos are horrificly chilling to see a city obliterated in a city minute.  Praying God's Compassion on all.

We wait, not on any test results, not on any man.  We wait on a very Good God Whose Eyes run back and forth the whole earth to show Himself strong, 2 Chron 16:9.  To me and to you!  Will our lives cause His Eyes to stop?  Please stop here in ATX as we cook, dear LORD.

Happy Birthday Baby Blair

It's The Day You Were Born...
I remember it like it way just yesterday...
Another baby girl and this mama couldn't contain her Joy...

I laid lifeless on the gurney after giving birth...

Lost two-thirds of the volume of my body's blood for you...

The blood of a stranger kept me safe in place to live to mother you...

It has been unspeakable joy to walk this life with you...

A Little Girl so Curious ~

Mommy, what do the Catholics believe? What do the Methodists believe? What do the Mormons believe?  What do we believe? 

A Young Girl so Compassionate ~
Can we help my friend who is losing his way tripping in his darkness without his mommy's help---for she's with You.  Can I sit with my friend who is making really bad choices and needs someone to believe in him?  Can we give our money away? Can we talk to every single person we see?

Add caption



A Becoming Woman so Committed ~

Can I make a difference in my world?  Can I choose to see from an Eternal perspective?  Can I keep these African babies close to my heart?  What about making a life on Capitol Hill that dents into policies?  Can I serve constituents and communities and charities and care about things like human trafficking?

A Beautiful Married Woman so Chosen ~

Will you let me give my heart to the one I love?  Will you walk with me through thick and thin?  Will I find Spousal Love from the God I so adore?  Will you always be with me?

Blair, I've never loved you more. Never thought I could experience what I have with a girl like you. You're so beautiful to me.  "No good thing will He withhold from you for you walk uprightly."  Grace and Glory!  Thank you for the best 26 years of my little life.  You've made this mama fulfilled, happy, loved!  Happy Birthday Baby Blair.  Yes, you will always be my baby girl.  You may live under another roof, another's love, but I will love you  forever.  And every night, I kneel in my empty nest house and whisper a prayer to the God we Worship and Adore for Iron Rod Strength for you as you find your Rest in Him Alone. Psalm 62:1.  And may you hear Him say Two Things for Baby Blair:  I am so Strong in your life.  And I am so Loving to you.  Psalm 62:11.  His Strength, His Love, Always! 

Happy Birthday My Love ! 

Your Family Loves You
More Than Tongue Can Tell

All My Love on your Birthday, Mommy

Isaiah 50:4 is for you this year.

Farewell Fort Worth

Farewell Fort Worth, I'm leaving Beth Moore's taping at Life Today.  Leaving once again my hometown of 31 years where God has spoken to me over the past three decades.  Humbled.  Oswald Chambers wrote: "What is needed today is not a new gospel, but live men and women who can restate the Gospel of the Son of God in terms that will reach the heart of our problems."  Just sat watching 3 live people, Beth and James and Betty, speak about the Kingdom of God and touch deep places and problems in my own heart for such good, for such a time. 

Farewell Fort Worth, headed back to my new home, Austin, where God has called us. We will stay there til our God moves us on. We are in the midst of transition, Bob and I both are looking for full-time jobs.  Waiting on a very Good God.  Didn't expect to be at this place in our lives at this age but we are both "Living in His Presence in the Present"---that's a James quote.  And WE know Romans 8:28.  Beth and James talked about the Kingdom at hand and it so stirred my heart.  Beth shared Matthew 13:15 about how callous hearts don't understand the mystery...and how the Greek word meant:  understanding the puzzle pieces causes me to see something.  And, I think I saw something that moment that I didn't see before.  I know I did. Beth spoke of preaching the Kingdom and healing the sick and my God is so healing me. Standing up to His invitation.  And James ended last night saying:  "Don't look for ministry, release ministry."  The Kingdom is within you and me, a very present reality.

Farewell Fort Worth, I'm "Trusting Truth not Feelings" as Beth shared this morning.  When Beth turned to Psalm 57:1-2, I knew that God had me in mind when He breathed those words of David in a cave fleeing from Saul:  Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.  Cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me." You see, I am hidden in a cave waiting for a Wonder of a Beautiful God to stop by.  He has. He is.  He will. I Cor 2:7 "His Secret Purpose framed from the very beginnning is to bring us to our full glory." And the next verse He wrote in 2:9 says:  No eye has seen.  No ear has heard.  All that my Friend, the King has prepared for me, for you, because I love Him in this cave...and I trust Him in this cave... and I'm on my way out of this cave...and I'll keep on believing He is a Good God, no matter what.  

Farewell Fort Worth, I hold your stories in my heart.  I'm forever changed because of the Mighty God I met here who goes with me.  Beth ended with Hebrews 10:35-3 "Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.  I'm coming home Austin more convinced that through the "sifting of God's Good Hand, He has purposes of fulfillment" in what He is doing in my life and in yours!  Hello Austin!  The Kingdom of God is at hand here...

PS - So privileged to meet five siestas for the first time: Donna and Holllie R. and Melinda and Tiffany and Janelle.  What a thrill to see Holly Smith for the first time in two years.  What God has created through blogging friendships is beyond blogging words. 

The Messiah of My Dreams

Novice winds blow armaggedon hard in ATX, it's 18 degrees.
It is a season of no words for me yet holding Hope as I wait to thaw out of a tight place.

Night terrors washed over my Sunday sweet sleep.
I couldn't stop the tumultuous thoughts.
Just sweat it through and wait to thaw.
You see HE is the God-of-My-Tight-Places ~ Psalm 46:10.

And The Living Letters of my friends Annette & Holly & Deborah
bid me bloom forth like Lazarus in Spring ~ unwrapped, unearthed, undone ~ 2 Cor 3:3

Blogging Friends like Ann Voskamp give me Hope
She let me borrow her God Who never failed to send Spring.
 I hang on to the Present Grace for
When was the Last Time the Sun didn't dawn or set at the right time?
When is the Last Time God refused to be good to me, to you? ~ Jeremiah 33:20

The Messiah of My Dreams sends forth His Word through new friends in a Voskamp camp and old friends gathered at Rock Lake Ranch and He melts my heart like snow in spring and heals me and I don't know how I'm any different this moment than I was a day ago.
But I am. ~ Psalm 107:20; 147:18

Frozen pain and Fresh problems remain. Always will.
The Present Grace is Who Stirs in me as I read you while the Living Word reads me.

Christmas Eve 2010 "The Unfolding Grace of God"

Merry Christmas from Bethlehem. As I sit in the renowned town square of the Little Town of Bethlehem, I reflect back on this past year of challenges in Austin that we will long remember. 2010 ranks as one of those exigent years, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything because a very good God showed up. We found grace in our desert. Beautiful Wild Grace! We met a God Who was out looking for us in the desert – Jeremiah 31:2. We faced serious health issues, unexpected unemployment, and mounting financial pressures. 2 Cor 4:16-18 (The Message) reads my heart: “We aren’t giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without His Unfolding Grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the Lavish Celebration prepared for us.” “The Morning Star is visible when the darkness is deepest” - 66 Love Letters. There’s far more here than meets the eye. And it’s all because of the baby born in Bethlehem---a God Who has so invaded our lives and brought immense peace and rest in the midst of confusion and chaos.

It was a year of “letting go” of people and decades. Bob had the immense honor of marrying our oldest son, Barrett, to the lovely Lauren Bailey of San Mateo, California on a cold sun-kissed Sunday in Austin. We recovered slightly and then Bob married our youngest daughter, Blair, to the honorable Patrick Walsh of Atlanta, Georgia on a rainy but stunning Dallas day. A few weeks later, we sent our youngest, Britt, off to college at the University of Texas with much gratitude for a full ride. Brooke is at the other University of Texas in Arlington serving on their BSU staff. We have had children at home tugging on our skirts and hearts for the past three decades in a row. No more. Bob and I miss them so!

The real battle of this decade was not fighting for good health or landing in financial peace or finding the fulfilling ministry or job with benefits. No, the real battle is what is going on inside of me as I face life, face my loss. I jogged this morning along the Sea of Galilee thinking about the disciples frantic in the middle of a raging storm while Jesus slept through it. 2010 was a liminal place for me where God was speaking to my fears, even this very day, just as He awoke in the boat to speak to the disciples’ fears 2,000 years ago. I am on the 66 Love Letters Tour in Israel---an unbelievable gift from a dear friend. The message Larry spoke here was: “Groan inwardly. Wait eagerly. Romans 8:23. Demand nothing. And He will sustain you with joy based on hope. The degree to which I can love means my hope has nothing to do with how others treat me.”

Phil 3:12 says: We are all not yet what we long to be. We are waiting and watching with you, dear friends, in Hope for a very Good God to show up this Christmas and New Year – Lamentations 3:21-23.” God has been good to us to this very day and will keep on doing us good for all our days of 2011 - Jeremiah 32:40. I’m longing with you to love well this coming year. I long to finish well! I long for many to find the peace that only our God can give! My prayer for each of you in 2011 is found in Philippians 1:9-11 – We pray that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but love well. May we see our lives from His perspective. “The unexamined life isn’t worth living.” Socrates

We are very grateful to have had the privilege of knowing you. We decided not to send out Christmas cards this year---for the first time in three decades. We did want you to know that God has used you in our lives to stir our faith. Because of the Baby born in Bethlehem, we are standing with you in the Wide Open Spaces of God’s Grace - Romans 5:2. May His Unfolding Grace be multiplied in you in 2011. There is so much more here than meets the eye. “The hopes and fears of all the years, oh come to us This Night!”

We’d love to see you in 2011. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. Written by Bev for The Brandons
Bob, Bev, Barrett, Lauren, Brooke, Blair, Patrick, and Britt - sixbrandons@gmail.com
P.O. Box 90814, Austin TX 78709 * Bob’s Cell 512.541.5772 * Bev’s Cell 817.915.6769

"Simply Irresistible"

My two boys are at the Heisman in New York, compliments of Wendy's.  Britt finished his first semester of college and they left Thursday.  It's weird not having children at home anymore after three decades.  Britt comes home on Monday from New York and I just cannot wait.  They are all coming next week for Christmas and the 8 of us will be together here in Austin for Christmas week.  My prayer is out of Phil 1:9-11 (The Message) that this Christmas we not only love much, but that we love well. 

We don't have extra money this Christmas to spend cause of just going through cancer. And I have to throw in that the latest health update couldn't be any better.  Cancer bills did deplete our savings and we had to go to creative means with being in job transitions as well.  God knew.  No surprise there.  God has so blessed us with earthly blessings unimaginable but they are "second things" as C. S. Lewis calls it.  It's the spiritual blessings, those "first things," that have me on my face before a very Good God this Christmas!

I write to say that a Beautiful God showed up for me in Bethlehem 2000 years ago and He was back there again last week.  God so took me by surprise in Israel.  HE so stirred up some things in my heart.  I've never been more attracted to the possibility of becoming a more meaningfully mature Christian.  More than ever!  I'm more spiritually ALIVE than ever!  Paschal wrote:  "The Gospel to me is simply irresistible."  It is.  More so than ever.  I wonder why?  Chalmers said:  "It's the expulsive power of a New Affection."

In 66 Love Letters, the author writes that the joy Christ offers grows in the soil of emptines and brokenness.  That's where I've been.  "In My Spirit's Hands, your felt emptiness will become a consuming thirst to know Christ.  Your agonizing brokenness over the ongoing corruption in your soul will transform into overwhelming gratitude for My Son's forgiveness.  It is empty and broken people, who at the same time are thirsty and grateful, who discover the power to live in ways they never thought possible."  That's it.  I couldn't put it in better words what God has been doing in my life these past couple of years.   Empty.  Broken.  But God is allowing me to wrestle with Him over the sin in my soul that is transforming me.  Overwhelmed in gratitude for His Forgiveness.

God is helping me to see what is clearly wrong in me more than what is wrong in those closest to me or what is wrong in the churches I am familiar with---no, it's what is wrong in me.  And He has been so gracious to help me experience the Power to face what's wrong in my own heart and discover His Power, Resurrection Power, to grasp how long and wide and deep and high is His LOVE for me.  Eph 3:17-19.  I have a long way to go.  And it's His Kindness that is leading me to repent. Romans 2:4.  I love Him so!  He is deeply encouraging me, way down deep, in the midst of some unsettling circumstances.

Happy Thanksgiving from Bethlehem

Day 8 in Israel
Stooped into the cave where Jesus was born.  Surreal surroundings.  Oh Little Town of Bethlehem in such disheaval. The Shepherd's Field nearby.  I wept as I faced my own sinfulness.  Romans 2:4 - it's His Kindness that leads us to repentance.
 
Shared a Thanksgiving Meal with my 134 new friends.  Quite the feast from a 50-foot salad banquet table to succulent artichokes to tempura turkey to an array of 22 desserts and Roman gelato.  But it was the conversations, the precious people who shared what God was forming in their hearts this week, and Larry's word to us that meant so much this Thanksgiving Day.  For 2 Cor 4 says God is shining Light in our hearts so that we can see the Glory of God and reveal His Glory by the way we relate.  "Being committed to the well-being of others at any cost to ourselves."  Repentance is in order.
 
May you reveal Christ to others.  May you release the Beautiful Christ in you this Thanksgiving Day! 

Went to the Tomb---HE was not there!

Day 7 in Israel
Stood inside the tomb at the Garden.  HE was not there!  Mark 16:5 We looked to the right, yes we did, inside the tomb, and there was a young man sitting on the right side dressed in a white robe and they were alarmed...Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth.  He is not here.  He is Risen!

Visited the Pit where Jesus was lowered down into the prison as he awaited interrogation by the Sanhedrin. 

He carried a 210 pound six-foot high crossbeam down Palm Sunday Road.  My Savior, a Man of Sorrows and Courage. 

I only have about 2 minutes to write this blog today...but I will be back.

Larry shared with us the 7 sayings as we sat in the Garden.  We stood in time past.  We are in a battle present.  He will return.  So we lean forward.  It was not possible for death to hold Him back. 

"Managing My Life or Glorifying My God"

Day 6 in Israel
Saw the cave where David hid from his father King Saul.  Amazing that a child has to hide in fear of his life --- from the hand of a father who really never came around.  David learned to love his father.  He didn't shrink away.  Didn't distance himself.  Didn't hide in his heart.  The wilderness is amazing.  To think that the Israelites wandered 40 years when it could have been an 11-day journey is, well, just like me and what I deal with. 

Jogged down to the sea and ... Stood at The Dead Sea in its surreal salty stinging sea as the sun set.  The Lowest Spot on Earth.  Surrounded by blistering vast spanse of hundreds of miles of desert.  We had just been to Masada, a desert stronghold, where they holed up to protect their very lives---but it didn't work.  Read Psalm 62 standing in their little church.  My soul waits on God.  I shall not be shaken.  On God my Glory rests.  Pour out your heart to God.  He Alone is our stronghold.  Pillars crumble.  Earthquakes shatter.  God is my Refuge.

Larry spoke tonight on "The Managed Life."  Here is what he said:
What does it mean to be spiritually formed?  Truth can feel offensive at times cause something in us needs to die.  Am I living a managed life?  If it's working---there's no way to avoid pride.  We can't keep all of the law.  We have been given a better hope.  Put first things first and 2nd things are thrown in.  Put 2nd things first and you lose both (C.S. Lewis quote).  There is a better hope by which we draw near to God!

God gives us trials and people in our lives for sanctification.  Do I turn to spiritual disciplines?  Lexio Divina?  Do I manage my life, my wounds? So wanting my children to turn out right---for me to do it right.  Wanting my ministry to turn out right.  Or am I glorifying God...there is something underneath my pain.  When I am in trouble, how do I get out?  You know, I got stuck in the elevator yesterday for 10 minutes.  Alone.  I was literally screaming for help.  Could this be from God a forming experience for me?  Where sin abounds, grace abounds.  Radical Repentance.  Celebrate Calvary. 

Hosea 7:14 Am I wailing on my bed or crying from my heart?  Do I have a right to certain blessings?  Have Mercy rather than fix me.  The more we are formed, the more we relate like Jesus.  Radical Christianity --- committed to the well being of others.  Brokenness.  Repentance.  Release the Life of Christ. 

What is the center of our soul?  The center that I feel is terror.  But my center is a longing for the Hope.  There's more to you and me than our sin.  Search the center to long for God and persevere and not be controlled by my fear of elevators, my fear of failing, my fear of not making an impact.  Have Mercy, O God!  Fill us with Hope to lead a resurrected life!

Groan Inwardly. Wait Eagerly. Love Well.

Day 5 in Israel

The tears fell when we descended the steep Palm Sunday Road. Jesus did this for me, for you. The Garden of Gethsemane---no words to convey the 2,000 year old grotto of betrayal. More tears fell as our eyes fell on the Rock of Golgotha symbolizing the crucifixion. More tears fell at the Wailing Wall. To stand there with your face flat on the wall hearing the wailing of those nearby caught me so off guard.  Thousands of people come here every single day 24/7 to pray to our God.  Jesus loves Jerusalem.

 

Larry shared with us on the steps of the Psalm of Ascent as the sun set in Jerusalem this Sabbath Day. 

Here are some quotes that touched me deeply:

"You have been graced with a disaster that your soul requires to find its way back home."

"Does your thirst for God sustain you more than your experience of God?"

"You will experience God by the ways you relate."

"The richer the Spirit's work in you,

the deeper our ache will be.

The deeper our ache,

the stronger our hope,

and the more certain

our sustaining joy

which is Spirit produced

and not reliant on blessings now."

"Groan inwardly.  Waith patiently.  Demand nothing now.  And God will sustain you with joy based on hope."

"The degree to which I can love others produces Hope that has nothing to do with how others treat me."

The sun set and the words remain.

 

Back at the hotel...

I got stuck in our hotel elevator for 10 mins. on the 9th floor in Jerusalem about an hour ago.  I have claustrophobia.  It was a l-o-n-g ten minutes.  There are places where I am not free and that is one of them. 

 

Groan Inwardly.

Wait Patiently.

Love Well.

 

 

The White Words

Day 4 in Israel
"God fully revealed the Truth we must know and believe to the Servant He chose to most greatly suffer."  Walking in his well-worn paths this day is overwhelming.  The beauty these people sought smacks so much like our day, our times.  Yet they missed the most Beautiful One of all.  The King of Kings was not honored on the ancient expensive Beit She-An city. lined with marble and mosaic floors and walls and towering Roman columns.  Today it lies in expansive archeological ruins.  Saul was killed and hung on the hilltop.  I climbed up that hill----gives you chills to see the spot. 

Armageddon---a dreadful word.  The Valley of Megiddo holds such significance as the Last Battle between Good and Evil will be fought here.  Rev. 16:16.  Seeing the past, experiencing the present, beholding the future. 

Joppa...home of the beautiful Tabitha.  Peter brought her back to life.  Oh my goodness.  We stood at the home of Simon the Tanner.  It is an amazing thing to experience the black words of Scripture and the white words of Scripture---all those gaps, all those blanks that we must fill in and live.  Truly live!

"The Black Words Come Alive"

Day 3 in Israel
On our way to the Sea of Galilee.  On my left is the city of Migdal---that's where Mary Magdalene is from.  On my right is the Gennesaret Valley.  Oh how the stories come alive.  Larry said someone told him that it is the "black words" that come alive when you walk into Israel.  We all know the "red words."  As we entered Capernaum, Home of Jesus, we found the ruins of Peter's 4,000 square foot home where Jesus reclined most of those 3 years according to Israeli lore.  And Jesus' second public miracle was here.  Remember, the royal official's son was healed as he lay in this town and Jesus was in another city.  The black words come alive. 

Tabgha is on the western side of the Sea of Galilee, 3k south of Capernaum.  Everything is so close in proximity.  Jesus walked over here and found his first apostles.  We stopped to pay homage to the place where Jesus multiplied the Loaves and Fishes.  This verse has meant so much to me over the past 4 years because as I pondered what on earth I would do to find God...HE was finding me, and protecting me from harm and carrying me.  Nothing touched me that He didn't allow and He stood me back up again!  5 Loaves and 2 Fish. I wept as I witnessed the stone set under an altar in a chapel symbolizing the miracle.  And it was a miracle that God lifted my head and stood me up.  And stood me up He did indeed!

Larry's sermon on the Mount of Beatitudes was this:  Larry drew me to the heart of God just as that leper sat on that hill listening to the sermon on the mount knowing that he was not healed.  The leper found Jesus after the sermon not knowing what He would do.  God healed him.  But the point of this is that the leper was drawn to the heart of God even before he was healed.  Ohh!  Larry humbly spoke:  You are blessed if you are poor and down to your last dime (I can relate to that one) and if you are spiritually a beggar for you are in a protected place where no harm can reach you.  Larry went on to say:  "Life doesn't consist of relationships but it consists of getting people like you to better relate.  He told of a friend of his dying from cancer who said:  "This is my last chance to love Jesus Christ in pain." 

Larry asked, Where are your markers?  Are you no longer demanding fair treatment, offering mercy to those who don't deserve it, martyred to your own narcissism?  He said his professor said in his old age and Larry says the same:  "I'm just beginning to understand."  Jonathan Edwards:  "The purpose of the Gospel is to communicate the happiness of Jesus to His Followers."  Was Jesus only happy at the Canaan wedding and with Mary & Martha or was He happy not because of His circumstances but because of His willingness to obey God on that Narrow Road.  Do we reflect the character of God and serve His Purposes not matter how our spouses and children act. 

I visualized that leper listening---I'm just like that leper needing to be healed.  But I am a little more dependent on Him than ever before and that's a very good place to be.  We ended today at the Jordan River and several of us were baptized in the cold still water.  And the dove rested---incongruent for our character but not for His.  Larry said at the baptisms:  "You rise up out of the water never to a God Who will never have an ounce of anger towards you.  You are loved.  Your future is guaranteed.  The pressure's off.  You no longer live to get it right." 

We closed the day with a boat ride on the noble Sea of Galilee looking into the towns on the hill where we had just walked, just a mile away.  The waves of this sea carried both Peter and the King of Kings as He walked on water to rescue his sinking disciples screaming for help in their fishing boats in the midst of a terrifying storm.  It was pastoral and peaceful on this day.  But our hearts hold a few storms and our Master showed up as we sang and wept aboard our boat "Worthy is the Lamb." 

Standing in the Past, Present, and Future

Day 2 in Israel
Standing in the palace that remains of Herod the Great and the story comes alive.  This palacious place is painfully breathtaking and heartbreaking.  Paul was sentencted to 2 years in prison right here.  It's a narrow road for Paul following Christ.  And it's a grateful invitation to join the Bigger Story, the Unimagineable Work that Christ was doing in this place for me and you to truly live this day. 

We are in Caesarea and it's the place where Cornelius accepted Christianity and opened a door to his own people.  On to Mount Carmel, 25 miles long and 20 miles wide.  We stand in this present moment at the very top of the mountain, looking at past days gone by from Galilee to Tiberias to Nazareth all in one panoramic glance.  The towns are so close.  And our minds go to the future day when HE is coming back right here.  The Present, the Past, the Future in one frame.  And Jesus says to me what He said to Elijah who stood on Mount Carmel praying for rain:  "Come Near."  It's the cry of my heart and yours....come near, o Beautiful God.  Today, let it be known that our God will answer us!  And if you can't find God in the place where you are, Amos 9:2,3 says:  If you climb to the stars, God will find you and bring you down.  If you hide out on Mount Tabor, God will find you even there and bring you back. 

We passed through the valley where the chariots of Barach assuaged the footmen of Deborah, Judges 4.  The footmen had sticks for defense.  But it was the rain that turned the terrain into mud to confound the chariots and riders.  And it was Deborah who said:  Don't be afraid.  God will deliver you.  I don't know what you are going through this night but our God is saying to you and to me to not be afraid for His Deliverance draws your way this very day.

We arrived this evening at a gorgeous Tiberian hotel to a delectable buffet, really.  The end to an 85 degree day that lasted long and imprinted our hearts.  Come Near to Me and I will Come Near to You.  And I'll end with the question Jesus asked in Caesarea:  "What is the reason you are coming to Me?"  The answer found on those pages in this palace:  We are here in your Presence to listen.

No Sin Can Destroy My Desire for God

1st Day in ISRAEL
Arrived in Tel Aviv, Israel today. The airport overlooks the Joshua 10:13 verse...it's the place where the sun stood still and the moon stopped til the nation avenged itself. Kind of takes your breath away to see the beauty in the moment.

The hotel is increible overlooking the Meditteranean Sea. The buffet was like cruise quality---unbelievable spread. But what draws me in tonight is the people on this tour. 134 friends of Larry Crabb for this 66 LOVE LETTERS tour. Have already wept with old friends and laughed with new friends even shedding a few tears with them too. Loved meeting Lisa tonight at supper---the conversation is just so good with people who are so willing to deal with what is stirring in their hearts. The old and new yet seems like we've known each other all along the way.

This is an Israeli computer I am on. Everything reads/types from right to left so I am a little dyslexic plus time-driven. But what captures my soul this night is a quote from the 66 LOVE LETTERS book: “My Power is more evident than ever in your desire for Me that no agony of soul or fall into sin can destroy.” What a Good God who understands our frame. NOTHING can separate us from HIM. So encouraging to me as I gaze into the endless sea to know that my sin is counted against me. And all these desires within me that are good ones are from Him. He is drawing me to Himself in spite of myself.

Britt is Out of the Hospital

CT Scan showed secondary infections.  Pray for Britt that his body responds to the IV antibiotics he has been on for the past 48 hours.  To watch a strapping 6'4" kid turn lifeless overnight has been pretty scary.

Britt was released from the hospital and is on his way back.  The otolaryncologist admitted Britt to St. David's Hospital Thursday morning, drained the abscess on his tonsil, and hooked him up to a couple of IV antibiotics and potassium chloride.  I've never seen any of my children so sick.  How did it happen so fast?

You know when you send your child off to college, you've been with them every single day of their life since birth.  You know them through and through.  And in one send-off, it's not that way anymore.  But, it is what we raised them for---to be independent and move into life on their own.  I just loved the chapter we just closed.  And we don't have any more kids around the table at home for dinner each night!

Britt called Monday night and said he had a sore throat and fever.  His dad took him over to the college infirmary on Tuesday and they diagnosed the flu.  Wednesday night he called me back and said he was about the same and needed another doctor's appointment. Kind of odd---he never wanted to stop long enough to go in for a doctor's appointment.  So, I canceled work on Thursday and picked him up at 9am and he looked awful.  Our family doctor took one look in his throat and said:  "Bad news.  You have to have this abscess on your tonsil drained.  It's an emergency because it is blocking your breathing and eating."  And that was just the beginning...

The otolaryngologist put him in the hospital.  Britt had not been able to eat since Tuesday.  I watched my boy literally sink way down deep in just 24 hours.  You see how much we are not in control even if they are with us every day.  He belongs to God and He is watching over his every breath.

I just received a text from a good friend that her brother-in-law just lost his battle with cancer.  Oh my!  As we waited for the CT Scan to come back, I remembered how just one report changes things for you.  This CT was good news for Britt for the multiple infections he has are treatable. 

I don't want to live by good news/bad news and find my rest in that.  I texted my friend back 2Chron 20:15 that the battle is God's and He has already won.  Won for all of us whether we face good news or bad news.  I will have no fear for my heart is steadfast trusting in the LORD.  Britt looked up at me at one point on Thursday with tears in his eyes and said:  "I am costing you guys so much money right now.  I'm so sorry."  Are you kidding?  I'd sell everything I have to help my boy get well. 

I've been reading through the Gospels and so many came to Jesus begging for healing.  As long as we don't demand in the Presence of a Mighty God, we can keep on asking and asking and asking. Can't we?  So, here's my request, dear God.  Would you make my boy come back to his full health again????  Thank you so much for raising him up.  And thank you to each one of you who prayed for him.  He is on an array of meds for the next two weeks.

I've been thinking a lot about this quote:  "Because of My Son, no failure of yours can block My Plan for your life."  I think it's on my mind because I've been up against several failures in a row.   "He is Worthy of your losing everything you value in life in order to know Him, to serve Him."  We've just lost things like stuff---like health insurance and tangible things. "The more clearly you see Christ, the more willing you will be to suffer any loss for His Sake.  Kingdom living consists of radical servanthood (the end of entitlement to personal comfort) and self-denying suffering with the hope of joy forever." 

Waiting with you in Hope for a Beautiful God to show up.  He is!  So grateful for my boy and what God is doing among us.

GOD'S GOT YOUR BACK

Looking for another opportunity this Sunday.  God is moving us on.  A softer way to say we both need new jobs.  Opened my Bible to the reading for the day and it was Lamentations 3: 22-30.  God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God.  He's all I've got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst. The Message. 

I took to heart the words to "Go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don't ask questions.  Wait for hope to appear."  I drove down I-20 in Arlington looking for a quiet place.  Drove around for about an hour when I saw a Starbucks with no cars in the parking lot. It was kind of a country road. I slipped in to order a sparkling water and solitude.  Alone but humbled by a Presence.  Fragile but full of Courage.  While waiting for the teenage girl to ring up my order, a male voice behind me spoke up forcefully across my shoulder addressing the barista.  "Ma'am, I just want you to know that I came in here to sit at your table right there.  Is it all right if I just sit?"  The barista graciously nodded her approval and offered the gentleman a cup of water.  "No,"  he replied, "I just want to sit at that table."  The table he was referring to was right next to my table and he proceeded to sit with his back toward me.  He sat rather still for about an hour.  Never moved.  Didn't talk on a cell.  Committed to that chair. Couldn't tell you what his face looked like but his back is imprinted on my mind's eye.  He wore a dark grey t-shirt and jeans.  On the back of that t-shirt were very large letters with a saying that I'll probably remember for the rest of my life. In fact, it took my breath away when I read it. The back of his t-shirt read, in ALL CAPS, in about a 4-inch font, the following words:

 

2 Chron 20:15 came to mind.  The battle is not mine.  He's watching my back.  It's His battle. 

 I long to be more taken with my unholiness than my pain. 

"Do not live to arrange for your own satisfaction.  Repent of your self-provision. 

Trust Me, in every moment of suffering." 66 Love Letters

2 Chron 20:30 - And God will give rest on every side.  He's got your back! 

All I can deal with is my own stuff in life.  My motives.  My intentions.  My failure to love.

It's a good thing to quietly wait in Hope for a Good God to show up. 

He was at Starbucks today and I think I heard Him say that He's got my back.

Waiting in hope with you as we walk through hard times.

Bye-Bye Baby Britt...Gone to Texas

For the past thirty years in a row, I have had little feet pitterpattering around.  Never a day without children at home until today.  My youngest boy will walk into his first college class at the University of Texas at 8:00am tomorrow.  This day always seemed so way out in the future.  When Britt was born, they said it would cost $100,000 to go to college and we gasped---well, it can be even more than that at private universities.

I have loved every single second of being a stay-at-home mom.  I could have had 20 kids if God had let me. I did have 10---I lost 6 to miscarriage.  I adored my babies!  I had Barrett, Brooke and Blair in three years. Three in diapers.  It was the time of my life!  After a tumultuous childhood, I never dreamed God could put me back together like He did.  After three kids in a row, we became infertile...Britt was born seven years later.  Kind of like starting another family.  He hardly remembers his siblings at home.  But you adore them now...here they are today ~

So what comes to my mind as I am immersed in my own boxes packing up lifelong possessions as we are moving.  This is what I think, surrounded by a lifetime of memories.  Look at your life not your stuff:  "An unexamined life is not worth living."  Socrates.  Listen well to what wars inside of you, my children!  Psalm 131 has three short verses.  "My heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty.  Still and Quiet my soul like a weaned child, which you all are now.  Put your hope in the LORD, today and forever."

Memories flood my mind as I pack up things you have touched.  Britt, as a toddler, you loved Steve Green tapes (ha!!) and memorized them effortlessly.  "When I Am Afraid, I Will Trust in You" was one of the songs.  Michael was your best buddy---he called you Bit.  When a life-sized Barney came walking in the door of Michael's 2nd birthday party, you all screamed crying and ran out of the house.  Your sisters and brother loved you so much when you were a little boy!  I'm weeping at that one!  I had to fight them to get you back, they so wanted to hold you.  That reminds me of one of your favorite statements as a little one:  "Hold Me."  I think there was so much falling from the hands of the siblings...ha.

I remember well your first day of kindergarten.  You met Ben and Andrew and Greg and Ethan.  The famous four became your lifelong friends.  I took the 5 of you to the circus and museums and parks and Fix Flags (that's what you called it).  You swam every day of your life and that took a lot of determination and courage.  School Days with all four of you were full of delight and drama.  Like when the fruit flies hatched in our custom van overnight and rode with us to school the next day because someone left their fruit under the seat.  Or when the lock broke and we got locked inside our home and you four had to crawl out the bay window to catch your carpool.  You worked hard Britt all the days of your life.  You all were such a joy to me! 

High School was the best!  Pine Cove.  Italy.  Kanakuk.  Thailand.  Orlando.  Endless basketball games and swim meets, even football games!  We were so touched by you when you waved your last good-byes to Ethan and Greg and Ben and Andrew and jumped into our car for the journey to move to Austin.  Dad said if you couldn't leave your life of 11 years at the same school in Fort Worth, we'd stay.  But no, you trusted a Good God to bring you on this Hyde Park journey.  And it has been a hard one in some ways.  But God has been here with you every step of the way.  And He brought Nash and Dillon and some incredible girl friends into your life!  They will be your lifelong friends!  And He stirred up faith in you!  My last words as you shut the dorm door the other day:  2 Tim 4:7 "Fight the good fight of faith.  Finish the race.  Keep the faith."  And you will!

So, this mom thanks the caboose, Britt, for giving me the best life ever! You were uber successful in everything you touched in high school.  God gave you those gifts!  What's real success anyway?  It's pretty quiet here.  And no one is eating up all the food.  I will miss you more than you will ever know.  But you know what, I'm doing really well! This is what we raised you for---to be independent and find the God Who is coming to meet you---Jer 31:2,3.  Just wanted to say that I have so enjoyed my past three decades.  Oh my word!  I won't see you that often but, remember, I am just across town, right around the corner from Mighty Fine, and I'll always be in the battle for your soul!  Isaiah 37:26  Haven't you gotten the news? God says: HE is behind all that is going on.  His Plan A for your life is good!  HE will personally take care of you. 

Bye-bye Baby Britt!  Gone to Texas.  GTT
I have so loved being your mom!  Madre