Fearless Courage

Tuesday....Surgery to remove remaining cancer cells went well on Tuesday. They ran IV fluids through me to re-hydrate me as I had a wicked flu this weekend. As I lay there waiting and praying for the 9:45am surgery, Daniel 9:23 kept coming to my mind. "As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given, which I have come to tell you, for you are greatly loved." I had not thought about those verses in a while. As I listened, I kept hearing them over and over. No one wants to have their surgery re-done. Can't tell you what it meant that God would remind me that I was greatly loved! I don't know what the answer is yet on the surgery results.

Wednesday....I have not been able to keep down water this morning, this afternoon. Severe stomach cramps have been constant all day.

Thursday....Feels like the same flu I experienced on Sunday. I've had a little reprieve since 8pm. I was able to get up and eat a little banana, a couple spoons of rice, a bite of toast. The heavens are also rumbling above as a summer storm and tornadoes are in the vicinity. Some pea-sized hail is hitting our windows as I write. My medical oncologist wants to see me in the morning to see if I need another IV. I am supposed to give my medical oncologist my decision tomorrow morning about whether I choose to take "chemotherapy" or not.

We've prayed. We've done our research on micrometastasis in the lymph nodes. We've gone for second and even third opinions. All of my oncologists here in Austin will support my decision to choose not to have chemo. So, I'm not against medical advice here. I'll deliver my decision at 8:30AM tomorrow. I think you know what that will probably be. We still have to wait for the surgical pathology report--- which should have been back by now--- to see if the margins of cancer within me are clear. That's what we are waiting for this night!

At least, tonight, I can sit up again. For that, I am most grateful!! I haven't been able to lift my head off the pillow most of the day today, Thursday. Deeply appreciate that you are checking on me and praying for me and my family. Britt has been at UT representing his high school with 800 other boys from around the state at the American Legion's BOYS STATE all week. They end tomorrow with Governor Perry addressing their final session. I won't be there. Wish I could.
Someone gave me a necklace that says "fearlessness." We've known for two weeks that June 12th is the chemo decision day. What God has continued to bring to my mind over these past two weeks was a verse I read 30 years ago that really gripped my heart. Three decades later, I remember that moment and that verse. Isn't that amazing? It's Phil 1:20 in the Moffatt version, "My eager desire and hope being that I may never feel ashamed, but that now as ever I may do honor to Christ in my own person by fearless courage." So, I'll wear that necklace tomorrow as I visit the oncologist thinking about how my God is moving and working in me fearless courage. Fearlessness. HE is so working in my heart and I am so alive in HIM. It's not about how strong we are; it's all about His Strength made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor 12:9.