Thursday, June 11, 2009

Fearless Courage

Tuesday....Surgery to remove remaining cancer cells went well on Tuesday. They ran IV fluids through me to re-hydrate me as I had a wicked flu this weekend. As I lay there waiting and praying for the 9:45am surgery, Daniel 9:23 kept coming to my mind. "As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given, which I have come to tell you, for you are greatly loved." I had not thought about those verses in a while. As I listened, I kept hearing them over and over. No one wants to have their surgery re-done. Can't tell you what it meant that God would remind me that I was greatly loved! I don't know what the answer is yet on the surgery results.

Wednesday....I have not been able to keep down water this morning, this afternoon. Severe stomach cramps have been constant all day.

Thursday....Feels like the same flu I experienced on Sunday. I've had a little reprieve since 8pm. I was able to get up and eat a little banana, a couple spoons of rice, a bite of toast. The heavens are also rumbling above as a summer storm and tornadoes are in the vicinity. Some pea-sized hail is hitting our windows as I write. My medical oncologist wants to see me in the morning to see if I need another IV. I am supposed to give my medical oncologist my decision tomorrow morning about whether I choose to take "chemotherapy" or not.

We've prayed. We've done our research on micrometastasis in the lymph nodes. We've gone for second and even third opinions. All of my oncologists here in Austin will support my decision to choose not to have chemo. So, I'm not against medical advice here. I'll deliver my decision at 8:30AM tomorrow. I think you know what that will probably be. We still have to wait for the surgical pathology report--- which should have been back by now--- to see if the margins of cancer within me are clear. That's what we are waiting for this night!

At least, tonight, I can sit up again. For that, I am most grateful!! I haven't been able to lift my head off the pillow most of the day today, Thursday. Deeply appreciate that you are checking on me and praying for me and my family. Britt has been at UT representing his high school with 800 other boys from around the state at the American Legion's BOYS STATE all week. They end tomorrow with Governor Perry addressing their final session. I won't be there. Wish I could.
Someone gave me a necklace that says "fearlessness." We've known for two weeks that June 12th is the chemo decision day. What God has continued to bring to my mind over these past two weeks was a verse I read 30 years ago that really gripped my heart. Three decades later, I remember that moment and that verse. Isn't that amazing? It's Phil 1:20 in the Moffatt version, "My eager desire and hope being that I may never feel ashamed, but that now as ever I may do honor to Christ in my own person by fearless courage." So, I'll wear that necklace tomorrow as I visit the oncologist thinking about how my God is moving and working in me fearless courage. Fearlessness. HE is so working in my heart and I am so alive in HIM. It's not about how strong we are; it's all about His Strength made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor 12:9.

20 comments:

Rachel 6/11/2009  

Mrs. Brandon,
I've been keeping up with your site and my family and I are praying. Thanks for being so honest and transparent- its encouraging to see God work in and through you.

Praying for strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. :)

Rachel Ward

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend 6/11/2009  

Bev,

So glad to hear from you. You have been im my prayers constantly.


Sending you much love,
Teresa

Vicki 6/11/2009  

First time to your site. Will be praying for you.

Toknowhim 6/12/2009  

Sending my love and prayers most precious Bev... Kim

CAROL LIVIN FOR GOD 6/12/2009  

Hi Bev still praying and always will pray for the right answers the right report may the Lord be your anchor for your soul Jesus has overcome the Victory is overcome and I will rise when He calls my name and rise on wings of eagles. There is a Chris Tomlin song on and I just started typing the words for you May God Mighty Hand Be Upon You and Your Family.
Your seista in Albuquerque NM
CAROL

Dad Oliver 6/12/2009  

No need to panic over alarms or surprises, or predictions that doomsday's just around the corner,
Because God will be right there with you; He'll keep you safe and sound. Proverbs 3: 25-26 from the "Message"

I happened along to your blog site from my son's site. Since I have learned of your plight with cancer, I have been lifting you up to Himm praying that He give comfort and peace to you and your family.

fuzzytop 6/12/2009  

...just praying....!

Hugs,
Adrienne

annie's eyes 6/12/2009  

You are so loved. Praying right now for you. Love, Annette

Dee 6/12/2009  

Hi, Bev, I just want you to know that I am continuing in prayer for you. I have confidence in the Lord in you, that He will guide your decision. I pray blessed peace over you today.
Love,
Deidra

Angela 6/12/2009  

Miss Bev,
Praying that even now as you meet with your dr that you would have great confidence in your decision, because you have great confidence in your awesome God who is guiding your every step.
Much love!
angela

Mary Lou 6/12/2009  

Prayed for you all day yesterday...you were heavy on my heart..now I know why. Have prayed for your decision about Chemo....God is guiding your every step and He is supplying you with verse after verse...He is talking to you...by now you have given your decison to the doctors...Know that it is the one from Him because I know He has spoken to you and you have obeyed. Praying and hugs...Mary Lou

Shonda 6/12/2009  

I've been praying for you and I know that the Lord will lead you on the right path. He NEVER leaves us or forsakes us and HE loves you greatly! I love you too! I'm glad to read your updates and thankful to our Lord He strengthens you day by day. I will continue to pray for you. I have your family photo on the side of my filing cabinet next to my desk. I pray each time I see your lovely faces. Lots of love!
Shonda

Bobbie 6/12/2009  

By now you've given your decision and I pray that you will see and feel God in your response for we know that He never leaves us or forsakes us! Also praying for some strength and comfort to recover from the flu and then the surgery. Please know that you're in many hearts this day and those days to come!

Sallye 6/12/2009  

Praying for you and reading the Psalms over you.

Know that whatever decision that you make will be the right one for you, and that it will be blessed by God.

Sallye

annie's eyes 6/12/2009  

Pleading the Throne on your behalf. So many prayers for you this day...and one final song--http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDM8cucTjKA. He is your Deliverer.
Love,
A

Rhonda 6/12/2009  

Glory to His name! Praying for you:) Knowing today you made the decision He gave you peace about.

Katie 6/12/2009  

Beautiful Bev, I love you and I am praying for you!!

Natalie 6/13/2009  

Bev,
My mom & dad update me with how you are doing. The most recent news from the last surgery was not encouraging. Mom told me that you are treating this cancer like you have handled past struggles... that is with God, with passion, and with persistance.
Mom also told me to read your blog. So here i am, at work, with tears rolling down my face reading the words poured out from your heart.
Lord please give Bev and Bob a peace that passes all understanding.
I know my parents pray for you and now I will too every time i think of you.

He Knows My Name 6/13/2009  

Bev, so good to see you post. I am so, so blessed by you. You come to mind many times during the day and I ask or God to heal you completely.

hugs - 365!

janel

twinkle 6/13/2009  

Bev,
I've walked over today from my home here in Georgia and I'm standing at your doorstep. In my mind. I'm not coming in or even knocking.

I'm placing a statue of a lion on your doorstep.

He is to remind you that the Lion of Judah is guarding you. I want you to imagine the sound of the Lion of Judah roaring. THAT is your God. When you walk in and out of your home, picture that lion on your doorstep.

Amazing how God uses His Word to strengthen us and to comfort us.

Love you and praying for you...

Praying for Our Friend Joanne Psalm 131:3 Waiting on God. Hope Now. Hope Always.

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I've met some amazing women through blogging. I would love to hear from you. My personal e-mail is:
sixbrandons@gmail.com
I have another blog where I blog daily as a small group of us read through the New Testament this year. It's called A String of Pearls. We carry each other on mats (when we just can't walk anymore) to Jesus and sweet things like that.

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