Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I Will Rise

I will rise! Oh yes, I will. One day and this day. Rise to praise His Name. Rise to bring Him pleasure. Rise to love, live, and linger. A package came this weekend from a blogger who has invaded my heart and life. She's the one who drove here a couple of weeks ago to bring me quiche and take me to the Sunset Capital of Texas, The Oasis. If I could bring up a picture, I would, but you'll have to go to Annette's blog to find the Austin sunset. I'm helpless tonight to add a pic. Inside the package was like Christmas. Remember the quote from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe??
Always Winter, Never Christmas."
But when Aslan comes....all wrongs made right. Aslan is on the move.
And HE is on the move in my life. No longer winter.
I had prayed for the song "I Will Rise" (kind of an odd request---to pray for one song), and I thought maybe I would get a CD or find the CD----didn't even know who sang the song. I can't download from ITunes cause we are blocked for whatever reason. There it was in the box from the blogger on a brand new Ipod. "I WILL RISE." She had downloaded some songs for me and that song was staring me in the face. I literally fell to my face and shouted to my LORD I was so thrilled. And I was out the door to Town Lake. I ran the 3-mile loop around Lady Bird Lake without stopping listening to songs I had never heard before like Bebo Norman's "I Will Lift My Eyes." First time ever in my life I jogged 3 miles! I've been walking 2 hours every day and doing a one-mile jog on the treadmill every single day since the day we learned that I have cancer, April 7th. It finally kicked in and today's my 5th day of jogging 3 miles----if you knew me, you'd be giving me a standing "O." Exercise has not been my forte. I may be in an athletic family but I hold the signs when they do the marathons and triathlons.

But, way more than that my beautiful God is so on the move in my life through this cancer journey. HE is so near---His beloved needs HIM so! He hears me.
The Healer of my soul!
"I Will Lift My Eyes to the Maker of the Mountains I Can't Climb."
"I Will Lift My Eyes to my Healer of the hurts I hold inside."
(That's Bebo Norman!)
Yes, God holds my right hand. And it's not about how hard I hold on to Him. He's got me tight and HE will never ever let me go." No one can snatch me out of His Hand.

Some days, the news is good. Some days, it's not what I wanted to hear. The PEM scan pathology report showed that the tumors have high metabolic activity---not good, and I have to wait until May 14th for surgery. But His Peace pervades. Never wanted to wait six weeks for surgery. But, I trust in God, not in man and man's decisions.

Went to the cardiologist today as I am still having difficulty with fainting in the middle of the night. EKG was perfect. No problem there---cleared for surgery. The doctor's diagnosis: seizures---and so I'm being sent to a neurologist. I can't sleep longer than four hours each night. My insurance company (and I won't say their name) will not approve the medicine that my doctors have prescribed to help me. I didn't know insurance companies could do that. They've never examined me or even seen me. Every day since April 20th, I call this no-name insurance company and ask them to please remove the denial. I even ask them for forgiveness when I get angry with them. Had to go back to my CVS pharmacist and apologize to her when I first heard that they wouldn't approve the common medication I needed. Angry words spilled out of my mouth that I regretted saying to her. I gave her a piece of my mind. She quickly forgave me. Most of her customers aren't asking forgiveness. And it's all because it is the kindness of my beautiful God that continues to lead me to repentance. Romans 2:4.

I so want to deal with the stuff in my heart and find better places. I so want to praise HIM this night and not ask for a thing. I want to draw near to HIM more than I want to be healed, more than I want stuff to work out for me. So, I'll linger in this moment knowing that only God could be taking away my fears. I will fear no evil for HE is with me. Moment by moment. That's all I can live by. HE meets me in my weakness. It's not about how strong I am. One thing HE said but I heard TWO THINGS:
He is Strong.
He is Loving. Psalm 62: 11,12
He loves you so!

Cannot thank you enough for your comments, e-mail's, texts, and calls. I cannot respond to all of them since I am working full-time teaching through May 13th and nights are filled with kids and ministry and two-hours of exercise and life. Your words to me are signposts and sweet fragrances of the ONE we all love. 2Cor 2:14. Thank you from the bottom of my healthy heart!

20 comments:

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend 5/05/2009  

Praying for you daily....for peace, for sleep, for endurance, for favor with the medical community and insurance companies, for you to feel loved....

Sheryl 5/05/2009  

just want you to know once again that you amaze me!!

praying.

Profbaugh 5/06/2009  

Bev,

Know that I'm praying for you daily and that you are very, very close to my heart.

Give those kiddos you're teaching all you've got in this next week +. Like I've said before, they are BLESSED to have you for a teacher.

Take good care of yourself. I'm praying for some sweet, uninterrupted sleep for you tonight.

Love ya
~Cheryls

Kim V 5/06/2009  

Just wanted to let you know I am still praying!!!

Toknowhim 5/06/2009  

Thinking and praying for you... Man, every time I read one of your posts, especially lately I am the one that walks away blessed and encouraged... I am so happy that God is sending so many people in your life to walk this journey with you.

So awesome too about the running!!!

Love ya, Kim

beckyjomama 5/06/2009  

Just hope you know how loved you are and how very high you are bein lifted in prayers. You are CHERISHED sweet friend!

annie's eyes 5/06/2009  

You give Him such glory, Bev. Keep claiming His promises over you, and I stand with you in prayer for these blessings for you. It's so beautiful to see you find the Christmas amid the winter. You know a beautiful truth--Christ as Lord of the details and the dragons, too. Love you, Annette

Yolanda 5/06/2009  

Bev just this morning I wrote in my prayer journal asking God to give you the insight to your fainting spells.

I can't wait until I can put my arms around you and hug your beautiful self.

Lovingly,
Yolanda

PS: I'm hoping for that opportunity coming in January in Houston.

Anonymous 5/06/2009  

Oh the goodness of the Lord...I have clung to Psalm 27:13-14... What would have happened to me had I not believd that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living?!!!! Wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. Let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes! Wait for and hope for and expect the LORD!!!

Believing with you for the goodness of the Lord to continue to be revealed!!!!

Much love,
Kristen W.

Mary Lou 5/06/2009  

Bev, so blessed to see a post and to read your blessed news. Annette is a true keeper of a friend and sister in Christ. How wonderful that God met your desire of your heart that way. That blessed me to my core. Your testimony and the way you are dealing with everything is blessing me and encouraging me. I pray for you daily, and more than once a day,whenver He brings you to mind. You are on His heart and on ours. You are much loved and appreciated and that starts with Him. He is holding you tightly by His right hand. May you continue to rise to meet Him. He has some awesome plans for your life. Love and prayers and hugs...Mary Lou

Dee 5/06/2009  

Bev, You are such an encouragement. I guess that just proves the Scripture that says ..."my strength is made perfect in weakness." You are so loved. I'm still praying.
Love, Deidra

Susan 5/06/2009  

Totally have you on my heart and in my brain these days. Many hugs, much love. Susan

HIS Child 5/06/2009  

Bev,

He is with you and I can feel it as you give your testimony through your blog. Amen, and I did give you a standing O for you jogging! Way to go sister.
I am praying for you and you come into my mind at different times in the day, I love when Jesus does this.
May He continue to delight and amaze you as He brings you through with a deeper Knowing of His amazing Majesty.
Much love,
Celeste

Kristin 5/06/2009  

Your words are always a blessing to me! Continuing to pray for you as you travel this road.

With much love, Kristin

twinkle 5/06/2009  

Your posts are so powerful! Even when you lose it...God works it out for His glory. What a witness your apology must have been to the CVS employee!
And thank God for an angel like Annette! Music is so GOOD for you right now. Let it bless you and break you. Tears are healing. Laughter is medicine. Indulge!

Sheryl 5/06/2009  

Continuing to pray for you, my sister.

From my heart,
Sheryl

Holly 5/06/2009  

Do you know? I heard the song, "I will Rise" on Sunday on the way home from church and prayed it over you?? I love when God does that!

Tomorrow is our court date @ 2pm. ALSO, tomorrow is my first day to work for Pearson scoring (thanks to YOU!). I am quite nervous about the unknowns of it. Pray for order in the day.

SO SORRY I have missed your calls. I am praying and proud of you, my dear and beloved friend.

Ang baylis 5/08/2009  

What is it about music that gets to the core? I seriously don't know what I'd do without my iPod. And there is nothing like a new song to renew our faith. God speaks to me through it every single day! I'll never forget when I heard some words in songs before I read them in the Bible. I hope she added... Terry MacAlmon. If she did, listen to "Even So" right before you go to sleep. See if He can sing you to sleep. And keep running... to Him, Bev!
Love and Prayers,
Angie in Michigan xoxo

Shonda 5/08/2009  

Lots of love to you Bev. The Light of Christ is shining through you. I'm still praying for you.
Love & blessings in Christ our Lord-
Shonda

twinkle 5/10/2009  

Happy Mother's Day, Bev! Hoping this week will be a blur, quickly passing, full of blessings upon blessings. You will be in my prayers.

Father, prepare our Bev for the road ahead of her this week. Help her to keep her eyes firmly fixed on You. And when her day of surgery arrives, I pray that You would fill her up with Your Peace that passes all understanding. May she keep her heart and mind fixed on You. Bring her compassionate hands, ministering to her in Your Name. Let every needle, scalpel, test and procedure be done as if it were You doing the work. We trust You, Lord, to be the Author and Finisher of Bev's days. Write Grace and Compassion, Courage and Victory on every page of Bev's life this week. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Praying for Our Friend Joanne Psalm 131:3 Waiting on God. Hope Now. Hope Always.

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I've met some amazing women through blogging. I would love to hear from you. My personal e-mail is:
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I have another blog where I blog daily as a small group of us read through the New Testament this year. It's called A String of Pearls. We carry each other on mats (when we just can't walk anymore) to Jesus and sweet things like that.

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