I Will Rise

I will rise! Oh yes, I will. One day and this day. Rise to praise His Name. Rise to bring Him pleasure. Rise to love, live, and linger. A package came this weekend from a blogger who has invaded my heart and life. She's the one who drove here a couple of weeks ago to bring me quiche and take me to the Sunset Capital of Texas, The Oasis. If I could bring up a picture, I would, but you'll have to go to Annette's blog to find the Austin sunset. I'm helpless tonight to add a pic. Inside the package was like Christmas. Remember the quote from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe??
Always Winter, Never Christmas."
But when Aslan comes....all wrongs made right. Aslan is on the move.
And HE is on the move in my life. No longer winter.
I had prayed for the song "I Will Rise" (kind of an odd request---to pray for one song), and I thought maybe I would get a CD or find the CD----didn't even know who sang the song. I can't download from ITunes cause we are blocked for whatever reason. There it was in the box from the blogger on a brand new Ipod. "I WILL RISE." She had downloaded some songs for me and that song was staring me in the face. I literally fell to my face and shouted to my LORD I was so thrilled. And I was out the door to Town Lake. I ran the 3-mile loop around Lady Bird Lake without stopping listening to songs I had never heard before like Bebo Norman's "I Will Lift My Eyes." First time ever in my life I jogged 3 miles! I've been walking 2 hours every day and doing a one-mile jog on the treadmill every single day since the day we learned that I have cancer, April 7th. It finally kicked in and today's my 5th day of jogging 3 miles----if you knew me, you'd be giving me a standing "O." Exercise has not been my forte. I may be in an athletic family but I hold the signs when they do the marathons and triathlons.

But, way more than that my beautiful God is so on the move in my life through this cancer journey. HE is so near---His beloved needs HIM so! He hears me.
The Healer of my soul!
"I Will Lift My Eyes to the Maker of the Mountains I Can't Climb."
"I Will Lift My Eyes to my Healer of the hurts I hold inside."
(That's Bebo Norman!)
Yes, God holds my right hand. And it's not about how hard I hold on to Him. He's got me tight and HE will never ever let me go." No one can snatch me out of His Hand.

Some days, the news is good. Some days, it's not what I wanted to hear. The PEM scan pathology report showed that the tumors have high metabolic activity---not good, and I have to wait until May 14th for surgery. But His Peace pervades. Never wanted to wait six weeks for surgery. But, I trust in God, not in man and man's decisions.

Went to the cardiologist today as I am still having difficulty with fainting in the middle of the night. EKG was perfect. No problem there---cleared for surgery. The doctor's diagnosis: seizures---and so I'm being sent to a neurologist. I can't sleep longer than four hours each night. My insurance company (and I won't say their name) will not approve the medicine that my doctors have prescribed to help me. I didn't know insurance companies could do that. They've never examined me or even seen me. Every day since April 20th, I call this no-name insurance company and ask them to please remove the denial. I even ask them for forgiveness when I get angry with them. Had to go back to my CVS pharmacist and apologize to her when I first heard that they wouldn't approve the common medication I needed. Angry words spilled out of my mouth that I regretted saying to her. I gave her a piece of my mind. She quickly forgave me. Most of her customers aren't asking forgiveness. And it's all because it is the kindness of my beautiful God that continues to lead me to repentance. Romans 2:4.

I so want to deal with the stuff in my heart and find better places. I so want to praise HIM this night and not ask for a thing. I want to draw near to HIM more than I want to be healed, more than I want stuff to work out for me. So, I'll linger in this moment knowing that only God could be taking away my fears. I will fear no evil for HE is with me. Moment by moment. That's all I can live by. HE meets me in my weakness. It's not about how strong I am. One thing HE said but I heard TWO THINGS:
He is Strong.
He is Loving. Psalm 62: 11,12
He loves you so!

Cannot thank you enough for your comments, e-mail's, texts, and calls. I cannot respond to all of them since I am working full-time teaching through May 13th and nights are filled with kids and ministry and two-hours of exercise and life. Your words to me are signposts and sweet fragrances of the ONE we all love. 2Cor 2:14. Thank you from the bottom of my healthy heart!