Saturday, May 23, 2009

Carried on a Mat by You

As I awaited my surgical pathology report, John 14:16 jumped out at me. Can't get it off my mind. Jesus already asked the Father to give me "another Helper." I have that Helper, that Advocate, that Counselor. Means the world to me where I am this moment. You see, when you go through cancer, you are your own advocate---there is not one doctor who is looking over my care. You manage your own care. My specialists don't really communicate with each other. So I have this gigantic pink file that I carry with me everywhere I go containing every pathology report, every scan, every doctor's report. Some want to see them; some don't.

My doctor visits on Wednesday were not encouraging to me but I am not looking for good news to be my encouragement---the God of all Hope is my encouragement. Phil 2:1. And sometimes things are not going to fall like the way I want it to fall. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday didn't fall right to an onlooker's stare. But my God was right there in all of the news and He has just picked me up and carried me through this---just like I am on that "mat" being lowered down through the ceiling by some of you holding me tight. He is here! And He is a good God, no matter what!

So, here's the prognosis:
The hospital's surgical pathology report was wrong. They inaccurately measured the cancer in my lymph node as 3.4cm, an aggregate measure. You are supposed to measure individual focii. The surgeon corrected them and they did it again and it's wrong again according to the medical oncologist. Both of my doctors did not ask for a third opinion. So, I went to M.D. Anderson for a third opinion and am waiting for the surgical pathology reports as MDA has the cancerous tumor tissues and will get back with me.
My surgeon didn't get all of the cancer --- she missed it by .20mm --- that's microscopic. Couldn't even see it. She cannot do surgery for 3 more weeks. That means the PEM scan will be two months old and they will not do another one---the guide where to cut out microscopic cancer. We trust a God Unseen in all of this. Surgery is scheduled for June 9th.
The medical oncologist believes that since the cancer in my lymph nodes is under 2.0cm---it is 1.2cm, that she can wait for the oncotype DX test assay to come back June 3rd. If I score low----11 or under on a scale of 1 to 100, then there will be no chemo according to the med oncologist. The surgeon thinks that the cancer cells should measure less than .20cm or you need chemo. But the final say is with the med oncologist. So much is so unexact. And there WAS cancer in my lymph node and you can't minimize that, even if it was 1.2cm.

So, we are waiting for the June 3rd Oncotype DX assay to come back LOW. Please pray that God intervenes and it's a low score. He wants us to ask and leave the results in His lap.
And I'm waiting for June 9th for yet another surgery.
But more than all that, I am pursuing every avenue God opens up to deal with my present moments. Eph 6:12 says there are "powers over this present darkness" and my sweet Jesus has prayed for me for these moments in my life as I read John 17---Jesus Himself prayed for our protection from the Evil One. I am so alive in HIM and so stirred in my soul to find HIM. He must increase and I must decrease.

No way I can do any of this cancer journey on my own nor without your help, your prayers. And, the most encouraging thing to me is that I have Another Helper, Another Counselor. I have so much hope! And each of you gives me courage by your comments, your e-mails, your texts. I wish I could respond to each of you but I cannot. This week alone, I received 1,000 hits on my blog and I haven't even read anything on my Facebook yet but I know there's a lot. Again, God stirs up my faith and gives me courage from your comments. Thank you from the bottom of my hurting heart. I am being carried on a mat by you!

34 comments:

Amanda 5/23/2009  

I'm asking God to lay out everything most favorably for you, sister. I pray His peace that passes understanding absolutely floods over you today.

Nise' 5/23/2009  

So much to praise Him for during this journey. I will continue to pray for you, the test results and upcoming surgery.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend 5/23/2009  

Praying for good tests results....I pray that today is a good day filled with peace...

Sallye 5/23/2009  

Bev,

We may be your mat carriers, and a legion of prayer warriors.

But our Father carries you as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place. Deut 1:31

And yes you have a helper. Psalm 54:4 Behold, God is my helper: The Lord is with those that uphold my life.

Two verses I adore for the image they leave in my mind.
Psalm 57:1 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; And in the shadow of Your wins I will make my refuge. Until these calamites have passed by.
Psalm 91:4 He shall cover you with His Feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge: His truth shall be your shield and buckler.

I imagine you in the shelter of His wings, all we can see are your eyes peeking out, holding firmly to your shield and your buckler.

Love you my friend.
Sallye

Lisa 5/23/2009  

I join Sallye in saying, "I will be a mat carrier" and carry you to the throne in prayer. May God make your path straight. May He shower you with His love as He speak healing over you. I know that He is rejoicing over you with singing as you walk this journey of faith!
Blessings ~ Lisa

beckyjomama 5/23/2009  

Leaving it in the lap of the Ultimate Healer is the best thing you can do. I am praying for your peace and for you to know that you are oh, so very loved!!!

PS: I will carry your mat anytime. To the ends of the earth!

Teri~Facedown 5/23/2009  

Father, your peace be with Bev as she waits on your plan. Father, may your good, pleasing and PERFECT will be accomplished in Bev's life. Father, she loves you and she knows you, be her strength this day. In the stillness of the day speak words of love over her and lead her. Thank you Father for all of the people praying for this mighty warrior, and bless them as you bless Bev. You are mighty and awesome in your power Lord, thank you that the same spirit that rose Christ from the dead dwells in Bev, and that the very spirit of God is what compels her forward. Father, you are gracious, I thank you now for your abiding love. In Jesus name, amen.

Mary Lou 5/23/2009  

Bev, I agree with everything everyone else wrote. I too will be a mat carrier. A privelege and honor to carry you to the throne of the One who holds you by His right hand. Praying...hugs. Blessings...Mary Lou

AbbyLane 5/23/2009  

I am beyond humbled to be a mat-carrier for such a titus 2 woman in my life. I may have only seen your face in person one time, but your heart has been weaved into a special place in mine since day one of finding you in blogworld. I sometimes (all the time) wish there was something more I could do than hold up my corner, but I trust our sweet Jesus to take care of you and to be your everything as only He can. Love you sweet friend....SO MUCH

twinkle 5/23/2009  

Right now, we are lowering you through the roof, carefully placing you at the feet of Christ. His eyes are on you, Bev. And yours are on Him. Rest in His care.
You are in my prayers.

Anonymous 5/23/2009  

still praying for you!
nicole

Anonymous 5/23/2009  

Hi Bev,

One of my co-workers just got diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago. She had her lymph nodes under her right arm removed this week. So far she is doing well, but is just starting this journey. I truly hope that her doctors have found this early enough to remove it completely and quickly. I do not know what level of faith she has, though I know she attends a Catholic church here.

I have added her to my prayers along side the ones I pray for you.

May God heal you both COMPLETELY!

Nate

Anonymous 5/23/2009  

praying love jlo

Yolanda 5/24/2009  

Comforting to know that when we ask, He is listening. That we are linked arm to arm, Sister, and that our love for Him grows. I'm expecting and beliving.....

annie's eyes 5/24/2009  

Carried, indeed. Rest in Him and know He with see you through the long waits, the fear, the hurt. He is the source of all courage and healing and love. May He flood you with each this day and through the coming weeks. Love you, Annette

Anonymous 5/24/2009  

Bev,
So wonderful to hear your voice this weekend. I will continue to carry the mat with you. Praying! Praying! Praying! And thanking Him in advance for the work He is doing in your spirit and in your body.
Much love,
Kristen W

ocean mommy 5/24/2009  

Love you and praying for you each day.

So thankful that God brought you into my life.

Hugs
steph.

Sylvia 5/24/2009  

Bev,

You continue to amaze me with your incredible faith in the midst of the storm. What an encouragement you are.

I am sad for all that you are experiencing such physical and emotional pain and yet because you are sharing your experience, I am learning more of who Jesus wants to be for me in my world today.

I am blessed not to have ever been diagnosed with cancer but my sister and friends have had this experience. PTL my sister is in remission and has been for several years now.

Thank you for being vunerable and allowing the blog world to see who Jesus can be for each of us.

You remain in my prayers.
Sylvia V.
Jersey Village, TX

Alana 5/24/2009  

Sweet Bev, it is truly an honor to be a mat carrier for you. I know God is hearing our prayers, be encouraged. Love and peace to you!

Shonda 5/25/2009  

Much love and many prayers to our Savior for you.
Shonda

Sallye 5/25/2009  

Bev,

Good Morning, my sweet, sweet friend. I am beyond blessed to have you in my life, even though I have never met you. You challenge me to dig deeper into the Word, and to pray and believe those scriptures not just over you, but over others and myself as well. I have started reading in the Psalms again, and the following just jumped off the page with your name on it.

All are in the NAS.

Psalm 3:3-6 and 9
3 But Thou, O LORD, art a shield about me,
My glory, and the One who lifts my head.
4 I was crying to the LORD with my voice,
And He answered me from His holy mountain [Selah.
5 I lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.
6 I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people
Who have set themselves against me round about.
8 Salvation belongs to the LORD;
Thy blessing be upon Thy people! [Selah.

Psalm 5:11-12
11 But let all who take refuge in Thee be glad,
Let them ever sing for joy;
And mayest Thou shelter them,
That those who love Thy name may exult in Thee.
12 For it is Thou who dost bless the righteous man, O LORD,
Thou dost surround him with favor as with a shield.

Your humble mat carrier, and prayer warrior,

Sallye

Renee 5/25/2009  

Dear Bev, I am so sorry for the trials you are going through, but I know that Our Lord is with you and carrying you even as we lower you to Him on your mat. Our prayers are with you and your family, and I am certain that you will be JUST FINE when this is all said and done. God bless you and all who take care of you!

Love,
Renee Borne

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend 5/25/2009  

Praying for you today....

Bobbie 5/25/2009  

Still praying and more than willing to carry your mat! Praying for peace and warm arms to keep you secure.

Love and Blessings, Bobbie

Lindsee Lou 5/25/2009  

You and your hurting heart have been on my heart, sweet Bev. I know the Lord is not only using this journey to make you stronger, but to make us a sisters stronger in our faith for you. He is a God who can move mountains and I pray He moves countless mountains for you. I love you, sweet friend!

cindie 5/26/2009  

Sweet sister whom I have never met... I pray for wisdom and guidance for all of he Physicians who are involved in your care... but now that the Great Physician has you in the palm of His hand.
I pray for complete healing and that you will feel His peace, His comfort and His love.

Anonymous 5/26/2009  

Bev,

I will continue to pray for you and lifting you up. I know that God has you wrap up in His love.

Lynn Dornak

Dee 5/26/2009  

Good Morning, Bev,
I've anxiously awaited hearing from you. I am so sorry for the conflicting reports that you are receiving. I'm so glad that the Father knows and is not confused. I am humbled to serve you through prayer. You are on my mind and heart so often. I pray that you will have a peaceful day today.
With love,
Deidra

fuzzytop 5/26/2009  

Dear Bev,

Fervent prayers going up for you, and joyfully I'll join with my sisters in carrying your mat.

Keep putting it in His lap, and resting in His love and comfort. He will NOT forsake you.

Love and hugs,
Adrienne

Kristin 5/26/2009  

Continuing to pray!
~Kristin

Sallye 5/26/2009  

Bev,

I am rereading your post for about the 10th time since you posted it, and everytime I revisit it, I am collecting more jewels. You humbleness, and your trust is something else. I feel God speaking to my spirit that everytime we leave a comment, we are leaving an I love you note from our beautiful God. He knows just exactly what you need to hear,and when you need to hear it. And I am very humbled that God would allow me to be His hands and feet to bring you this message of love. God is your shield and buckler and He goes before you to prepare the path. He will never leave you or forsake you.

This may not be fun, and it will change your life. But then God did not promise us easy, and if He did, would you really want it that way? Cause it's down here in the shadow of the valley of death, that He is closer than a brother. That you can lean your head upon His breast, and hear His heartbeat. Can you imagine what kind of banquet He is preparing you before your enemies? And that He will give you the rest and peace you need to sit and enjoy the meal He has prepared?

Oh Bev, I wish this was a journery that God had not called you to walk. But, He did, you are in a place where there is only you and God. I can pray for you and encourage you, but God is the main mat carrier here. Whispering words of faith, hope, and love for you alone. Being the everything in your life that He is suppose to be, it where you and God are the closest and most personal. It's the type of relationship that we are all suppose to have.

Love you,
Sallye

Fran 5/29/2009  

Steady praying Bev.

Love, peace, understanding, patience, wisdom

Ang baylis 5/29/2009  

I'm still praying for you, Bev! You've been on my mind all of the time!
Love you,
Angie xoxo

He Knows My Name 5/29/2009  

Praying for you tonight Bev.

Complete healing, complete removal, doctors, nurses, tech's, wisdom, peace, joy, friends, family, stamina, sleep, attitude, joy, concentration, understanding, fainting.

hugs, janel

Praying for Our Friend Joanne Psalm 131:3 Waiting on God. Hope Now. Hope Always.

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I've met some amazing women through blogging. I would love to hear from you. My personal e-mail is:
sixbrandons@gmail.com
I have another blog where I blog daily as a small group of us read through the New Testament this year. It's called A String of Pearls. We carry each other on mats (when we just can't walk anymore) to Jesus and sweet things like that.

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