WE WON!!! Last night's district basketball game.
WE LOST!!! Today's district basketball game.
WE WON!!! Britt qualified for TAPPS--Texas State Swimming Championships
WE LOST!!! Mom lost the battle with the flu---I am SO SICK with bronchitis!!!
SO I LEFT COMMENTS FOR YOU ALL IN MY COMMENT SECTION...can't get to your blogs tonight but I will SOON...missing you!
It's about 8am and we have another district varsity basketball game tonight. It's a big one that we need to win to get into the playoffs. Pray for Britt---he has been leading his "cinderella team" really well. It is so much fun to go to games like this where the high school shows up with lots of energy, where parents cheer for your kid and make you think he's the best player ever. It's Friday night basketball in Texas and if you love basketball, it is such a blast!!
Something really neat is going to happen for my boy today or Monday---after driving with the parentals for one year, this 16-year-old gets his very own driver's license today. I looked at him yesterday and thought---I remember carrying you to the car in footed pajamas. I remember Britt carrying my groceries out of the car with his little red wagon. My mind was flooded with memories of sitting next to this precious boy for the past16 years. Those days sitting next to me will soon be over...Britt will be seated in my place now. The driver's seat. I'll just have to post when he gets that piece of paper!
But what's on my mind as I leave home this a.m. is that I am loved, so loved by my God. My identity was wrapped up in strong men way too tightly, way too long over many years. My identity was wrapped up in a ministry. And I had no idea how much so until it was taken away. And God never intended for my identity to be wrapped up in anyone or anything but His Love. And, my heart really yearns this year to know in deep places in my soul what it means to be His beloved daughter and find rest.
I am reading Henri Nouwen right now. Three different works of his: "Here and Now." "The Inner Voice of Love." And, "Journey of the Heart."
There's one phrase in Here and Now that just jumped out at me. Jesus knew his core identity was "beloved" and it is transferable to me. "Like a certificate or diploma, belovedness is conferred upon followers of Jesus without formal education, achievement, or evidence or merit. No grades required. No birthright or citizenship papers. No possessions, status, or evidence of potential. No references. As for the Christ I serve, my identity is 'beloved of God.' "
In one of his works called "Being the Beloved," Nouwen outlined three deceptions which are OBSTACLES to the realization of our identity as the beloved:
"WE ARE WHAT WE DO...Achievement at all costs. An existence imbued with a haunting sense of partial completion, as if the world were perpetually waiting for me to make good on some undefined and unfulfilled promise."
"WE ARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT US...The pull of external approval mixed with unrealistic personal standards create toxic waste."
"WE ARE WHAT WE HAVE...Although I tried to live a simple life, I wanted badly to be financially stable with rock-solid job prospects. Material objects are not the only objects of covetousness."
Nouwen writes: "Until I embrace my own brokenness, I am unable to perceive the extent of my belovedness. Befriending brokenness is a necessary step toward belovedness."
I am so gripped by this thought of finding from my beautiful LORD how loved I really am. i keep asking Him. I have felt "worthless" way too many years of my life. No more. In some ways, I have believed what my world was saying to me that I didn't have much to offer, so I attached to strong men---a strong pastor, a strong husband. But in the past couple of years, my beautiful God has knocked on the door of my heart and I have opened up that door. Or should I say, my beautiful God has opened a door for me that no man can shut. Rev. 3:7.
My precious friend Fran was praying for me the other day and opened her Bible to find a Scripture for me. She opened right to Deut. 33:12. Laying on her lap were these words:
"Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in HIM, for HE shields him all day long, and, the one the LORD loves, rests."
I am practicing living over here as a beloved daughter. And I hear Him whispering back to me, "Yes, you are! You are Mine." And so are you! May we all find rest today in those places in our soul that are not at rest as we speak to our husband and children and friends eye-to-eye, as we walk into the unknown or too familiar places, as we live this moment "all in" and deal with the fray of our hearts and follow HIM and honor HIM.
Friday, January 18, 2008