Tell Me Your Sorrows

Something just happened to me that I could tell you if you were sitting across from me with your cup of coffee. I just can't share it on a blog. I feel so beaten down. So hurt over what has happened. It is very hard to swallow what has happened to me. So, I called no one. I spoke to no one. I went to my good God. He brought to my mind this scene in a story---a story that has come to my mind OFTEN over this past year. It is an excerpt from The Horse and His Boy by C. S. Lewis.

And being very tired and having nothing inside him, he felt so sorry for himself that the tears rolled down his cheeks. What put a stop to this was a sudden fright. Shasta discovered that someone or somebody was walking beside him. It was pitch black and he could see nothing. And The Thing (or Person) was going so quietly that he could hardly hear any footfalls. What he could hear was breathing. His invisible companion seemed to breathe on a very large scale...

"Who are you?" the boy said, scarcely above a whisper.

"One who has waited long for you to speak," replied The Thing.

To which the boy replied: Man! "I am the unluckiest person in the whole world."

Once more he felt the warm breath of the Thing on his hand and face.

“There,” The Thing said, “that is not the breath of a ghost."

"TELL ME YOUR SORROWS,” - spoke Aslan. "I do not call you unfortunate," said the Large Voice.

And the boy retorted---"Don't you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?"

"There was only one lion," spoke Aslan.

"How do you know?

"I was the lion."

This scene from the pen of C.S. Lewis lives in my memory and I wonder why?

Is it because...

my God has waited long for me to speak to Him first before I go to family, to friends for comfort and care...

Is it because...

I feel unfortunate at times with the amount of things I've had to go through. My list would be so long from childhood trauma to gang rape to multiple miscarriages to losing the church position we loved so much...

Is it because...

His warm breath on my hand and face shows up so unexpectedly for me...and this year it has been wholly holy haunting all the time.

This morning that Breath was all over me when I crossed the bridge on our way to school with my son sitting next to me. I grabbed his huge hand (he's 6'4") and I began to weep in repentance over this thing He had brought to my mind. He sweetly kissed me back wondering once again why his mom was crying...it's a frequent occurrence around me. He sees my God showing up for me so much. And my tears this morning were ones of such gratitude. No bitter tears running down my face. Sorrow-filled tears that my God is wiping away. Off to the gym to walk and it happened again on the treadmill of all places---the Warm Breath on my face, and I knew it was my good God coming to me.

There is only one lion in my life and He was there in all of my sorrows, in all of my joys. He was there when I was raped. He was there when I looked at death square in the eyes. I didn't think He was. But he was There.

And I know that Breath, that Hand on my face this morning. So, I'll keep on telling Him the sorrows in my heart. This may be a desert time for me as it says in Jeremiah 31:1---may I find His Favor in this desert for He comes to give me REST. I am finding a rest I have never had. And, verses 10-14 say: hear the Word for me today for it is my Good Shepherd WHO is watching over me, redeeming me from the hand of those who are stronger than I. Oh my, how true! I rejoice in my God for my Good Shepherd is turning my mourning into gladness. "I will give you comfort and joy instead of sorrow." (v. 13) Only my Good God can do that. Such craziness--- I have a little bit more joy this morning in the midst of my sorrows. Sorrow and joy mingle friendly in my heart. In fact, I'm even dancing in my heart! There is only One God, One Lion. And, yes, He is always on the move. May you sense His Breath, His Hand on you this very day!