HE LEADS US BESIDE.............................................................QUIET WATERS........... Psalm 23:2

This summer, I went to a conference that is still changing my life...

I had breakfast with the speaker one morning and he told me to "go home and lead a quiet life." Live in such a way that you remain groaning in this world and longing for God to use you to advance His Kingdom. His thoughts to me on that cool Colorado summer morning still linger for it was my beautiful God speaking through Him into my life. I've thought long and hard this fall what that would mean for me, and how my good God would want me to respond to HIM.

I Thes. 4:11 - Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, mind your own business, and work with your hands...i t's the verse that usually comes to my mind. Then, I think of Isaiah 30:15-18, verses that have meant so much to me:

"In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness
and trust is your Strength...

for the Lord longs to be gracious to you. He rises to show you compassion for the Lord is a God of Justice."

And 32:17 "the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.

Beauty comes not from "outward adornment" but from within. I Peter 3:4-5 says when we put our "hope in God" it makes us beautiful. That inner self. The unfading beauty of a quiet spirit.

God changed me and is changing me through this guy's teachings as He brought God to me. Big ways. Small ways. It seems to me that God even led me to change the way I live in my house going through each room to get rid of stuff I have held on to. I am so grateful to my 25-year-old son who spent about 5 days of his first vacation ever as a college graduate going through rooms in our home, helping his mom to get free of stuff. Barrett gave away and threw away about 25 garbage bags from clothing to toys to pots & pans. Things I had held on to since we first married 28 years ago. Things I thought I could "use" some day. Things I thought I could sell or give away but had not done so yet. Barrett graduates this next week with an MBA, and he could have spent his Thanksgiving vacation taking a "break," but he did more for his mom than I could imagine.

Also, I am so grateful to my beautiful God for new friends who are willing to ask us HARD QUESTIONS about the ways we relate---about what is really going on in the core of our hearts. I don't want to miss my God. Don't want to live the rest of my life missing my husband---I want to live the rest of my life as sweethearts. Don't want to "miss" my friends---I want to receive love from them how they are giving it to me NOT how I expect them to give it to me. All we have is "this" moment. I long to hear my God knocking on my door and open it up for HIM. Long to keep my eyes off the waves and fixed on the One who walks on water. Long to be used by my beautiful God in whatever ways He wants to use me with one or one hundred. It's not about my ambitions; it's about my First Love.

You know, I may be wrong, but I realize that I don't even walk into a room the same way anymore...it seems to me that I am hopefully more aware of what is going on in the core of my heart. I went to Target tonight for toothpaste. I needed to use the restroom first. As I moved toward the Ladies Room, I was thinking about how much God has changed me this year that so much of the time now, I no longer "live for" what people think of me. I was absorbed in some good thoughts talking to my precious God. As I went into one of the stalls, my peripheral vision stopped me dead in my tracks. I panicked for I realized the people surrounding me were not women---THEY WERE MEN. Yikes! I was in the men's bathroom. I did the quickest about face without uttering a word. Okay, I will have to be a little more cognizant in the future in my quiet life of how I enter bathrooms.

Seriously, I wonder what it will look like for me to lead a quiet life? I so long to do the will of my beautiful God. I so long to love Him and be loved by Him in the deep places of my soul where He whispers and woos me. Our God is on the move. Joshua 3:10 - "This is how you will know the Living God is among you...your God will go ahead of you." A friend of my husband's says: "You cannot stay where you are and go with God." So very grateful today for God moving in my life, moving in your life, moving in the lives of those around us. I want to go with my good God. I don't want to stay where I am.

Lord, I lay my head on your lap to listen.

Let a woman learn

by listening quietly...

I Timothy 2:11

"I urge you that prayers be made for everyone that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness." I Timothy 2:2

Happy Thanksgiving................................. Suk San Wan Khorp Khun Prajao!

Happy Thanksgiving to Brooke in Thailand from your awesome brother Barrett & Lauren who came from Nebraska...what a sweet girlfriend she is!

Suk San Wan Khorp Khun Prajao, Brookie.... from your Mom and Dad...my husband who is faithful and true and such a servant!

Happy Thanksgiving Brookie from your loyal loving sister Blair who flew in from Washington DC and her good friend Ryan who dropped by our house.

And where is our Brookie? It was a memorable moment for me this Thanksgiving Day. Pint-sized Carson suddenly realized our Brookie was missing. He came running down the stairs, threw his hands up in the air like this…

and with childlike humility, with childlike wonder, and a precious puzzled face, he shouted out and asked the question of the day…”Where is my Brookie?”

Brookie, this post is for you. We ALL missed you magnanimously this Thanksgiving.

As your mom, I couldn’t be any more proud and grateful to our good God for you and the choices you have made with your little life in Chiang-Mai to do Joshua 24:14 – “to serve the Lord your God with all your faithfulness.” And as verse 15 goes on to say---you have thrown away anything else beyond that River that keeps you from knowing your beautiful God. Your Mommy missed you more than any words I can find and I thought about you all day long.

I woke up early on Thanksgiving morning, and went for a run---yes, Coach Brooke, you heard me right. One change in my life this year is that I am taking so much better care of myself. Next, I read in my Bible, Joshua 24:23 – throw away anything that takes you away from your good God and yield your heart to the God of Israel….set up a large stone as a witness for that stone has heard all the words your Lord God has said to you. So, I set up a “stone” in my front courtyard as a remembrance of all my good God has done for me this year. It has been so much! I am not the person I was last year, last month , or even last week. He is changing me and I am so grateful to my forgiving merciful God.

We began our trek to McKinney. We had Thanksgiving dinner at Shelby's PGA Tour Club buffet and it was simply scrumptious from Texas tenderloin to the chef's creme brulee for our table of twenty. Here's Toni's three precious adorable ones---Carly, Carson, & Cameron--- who greeted us at the door...The view of the valley seemed unending. The wraparound balcony was occupied by only two brave visitors for it was very unaccustomed cold cold weather for us---Britt chased Carson around and around the freezing balcony as we enjoyed watching warmly the fleeting moments from inside of the restaurant, gazing through the wall of glass doors overlooking the terraced balcony. It's a knock-dead gorgeous place to be. Shelby treated us all so kindly. Here's Britt & his little buddy Carson after your awesome big little brother Britt wore him out on the balcony.

Bev and Lauren @ Anthony's new home where we spent our Thanksgiving...

BIG NEWS! Anthony & Susanna are engaged to be married over Spring Break in Napa Valley, California. ..Barrett, Blair and I will get to go! Oh oh!!

Me and My faithful Sister, Syl. Happy Thanksgiving from Aunt Sylvia. She left today for six weeks in Germany with Teri & Allan---her daughter and son-in-law who are serving the U.S. at an Air Force base---it will be my first Christmas ever without her. We sure don't look alike. Look at how "big" my face looks compared to hers...LOL

Carson gave me first lessons in Wii Sports, something NEW for me...and then karaoke.

Watched the Dallas Cowboys WIN and go 11-1...whoa! At one point, they showed Texas Stadium filled with falling snow flurries...we all scrambled SO F-A-S-T to the door to witness SNOW...so were we in the same town or not? It was on the warm side where we were. I think we were CLOSE to seeing snow.
Happy Thanksgiving Brookie from Toni, my precious niece...you were dearly MISSED.......................................................................................................

Happy Thanksgiving Blog Land...you have NO IDEA how much you have encouraged me this year as we are in such transition, waiting to go back into the ministry. You have been like little arching bridges over dangerous frigid waters to my waiting God. He is our bridge. He is our home. And, you have so brought God to me! No "quick fixes" on this blogland just friends fanning the flame of my flickering faith in my dark days.

I have pondered and wept and lingered so much this week on all the things that have come my way, come to my mind in blog land that I am thankful for. i wrote them down and maybe I'll post them another time.

Above all else I am grateful to my beautiful God for

His Merciful Eyes on me

His Tender Hands supporting me

His Swift Feet running to my rescue over and over

His Haunting Breath that appears Unexpected Unannounced

His Attentive Ears to any word I utter before Him

His Forgiving Character

His Protective Nature fighting for me

His Unequaled Beauty enthralled with even me

His Friendship that will never walk out on me

His Matchless Love I will never lose.

Thank you, my Glorious Awesome Merciful Loving Sovereign Beautiful God

for Zephaniah 3:17

"The Lord, my God

is with you

He is mighty to save.

He takes great delight in you.

He will quiet you with His Love.

He will rejoice over you with singing."

Oh! HE is! HE is!

Listening to my First Love's Voice................ at Walden's Pond

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning of my birthday crying. I didn't even have a chance to think about anything---I was already crying in my sleep. It was an unwelcome birthday visitor, a depression was all over me and I hadn't even lifted my head off the pillow. The tears flowed. But they weren't bitter tears. They were sorrow-filled tears. So, I asked my good God---why today? What is happening to me? I went through a severe depression one year ago when my husband was terminated from our church, triggering the interruption of good friendships. But my God so invaded my life March 15, 2006 and I've never been the same. But horizontal on this birthday morning, I felt like I did one year ago, so hopeless. The thought of going through a birthday alone again was too much for me. I wanted to be a part of that community where we lived for 27 years with people we dearly loved. I longed for what my good God has not provided. So what do I do...it's 4:00 am and it's my birthday. I got up and went to my good God and just cried and cried and asked for mercy. The humdrum duties of the day soon began--- breakfast, carpooling, errands, and we tackled cleaning the study. The next thing I knew I was in the backyard going through the 15 garbage bags of STUFF my son had thrown away all week. He came out to check on me. "Mom, are you okay? You have to let this stuff go." Sobbing, I knew he was right. I tied up all the bags and a weight seemed to lift off of me. My beautiful God was calling me and I drove up to my Walden's Pond. You remember Thoreau's "Walden's Pond" where he said it is vain to sit down and write if you have not stood up to live. Thoreau was no believer and seemed to me to be searching for the Garden of Eden on earth. No Garden on this earth. But my beautiful God has stood me up to live. "Stand up and see what I will do in you and through you. Rev. 1. I am alive in ways I have never been before. As I sat near the edge of the pond reading the book of Joshua on this silent sunny afternoon, the words leaped off the page into my lonely weeping heart. "Joshua was advanced in his age...the Lord said to him: You are old but there are still very large areas of land to be taken over." Hey, I'm 19 X 3 = 57 today. And, oh yes! I want to finish this life well! I long with all my heart to possess what is mine as a "new" creature in Him and advance His Kingdom---so what does that look like? My God seemed to say to me that my birthday struggle with my flesh: Wanting to be wanted. Wanting things to be different. Wanting to make an impact. That's what He died for. My struggle with my old nature will always be there and I can't annihilate it---didn't Paul say at the end of his life in Timothy--"I am the chiefest of all sinners." I Timothy 1:16. When I feel attacked on all sides, feeling forgotten/misunderstood/overlooked/powerless, I cry out to you my LORD, HAVE MERCY! Say it with confidence that He is so close and I must draw near to my good God! Draw near to God and He will draw near to you! I spent a few hours at this piddly pond where my kingly King so showed up. And He began to invade my thoughts with those things that I am persuaded of...THOSE THINGS THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW. I'll tell you sometime what they are...you hold them in your heart, too. Or, you wouldn't be where you are today. Like you, I am persuaded that our good glorious God's Love is enough. So what will I do with that? I listened to Love's Voice that birthday afternoon, my First Love's Voice--- Wooing me, Holding me, Breathing on me, Calming me. Nothing changed in circumstance. In fact, just hours later, a good friend would treat me like I was INVISIBLE. Then, I found myself sitting in a high school gym, watching my son's varsity basketball debacle, where we lost by 40 points and it could have been worse than 40. And, as I sat through four quarters, I realized Strength was rising in me. For what satisfies me? What brings me joy? Nothing I find in this garden. I have lost the love of some friends but I have been loved today with a Love that I will never lose. Never. Ever. Who can satisfy my sobbing soul? Only First Love. And as I walked out of the gym conversing with the opposing team moms, I realized it was my sovereign good merciful God who was holding my head up. He is the Lifter of my head. Psalm 3:3. My First Love lifting my head high in the midst of my hurts. My Prince of Peace inviting me to walk to Him on the scary waters. I must move my gaze from the waves to fixate on the Face of the One who is walking on water saying "Do not be afraid, I am with you."
PS - Nothing magical, nothing mystical about Walden's Pond pictured above. My Walden's Pond is a mudhole next to a baseball field. I just know there is an enemy that wars with my soul. And it such a Mystery to me how God works in these dark difficult days. I just want to STAY CLOSE to Him, just like you, always. Hold fast and stay close during these holidays when the enemy wants to jerk my peace, steal my peace, feed me lies about relationships. Life isn't about me but about being lifted up into a Bigger Story than me. There's more, so much more.

TAG - You're It

Seven RaNdOm ThInGs about Me! What is a Meme---what does it stand for? Me? I was tagged by JennyHope, such a sweet girl!

I really loved the BEATLES!!! When I met John Lennon, I pulled his hair out of his head. I was 12. A lock of love. What was I thinking??

I was the first one in my family to ever go to college and I received my Masters Degree from Seminary. My parents and their parents on down never had the opportunity to finish high school much less grade school.

I had 3 kids in 3 years and was on a first name basis at Cook's Hospital Emergency Room...the most memorable one was when our 10-year-old daughter fell off her bike and sadly broke her arm in front of our house. My husband who is a very good athlete tried to ride the bike about two feet up our front lawn to get it out of the street, but the wicked bike threw him over the handlebars and he knocked out his front tooth, broke his collarbone and was knocked out "cold" with a concussion---a "Reader's Digest" story.

We went through seven years straight of infertility....oh my....then our young son made an entrance into our lives that shook our world with such sheer delight.

If you asked my youngest son to tell a story on me, he would tell you about the time when I left him home alone and he was three. I orchestrated all 3 school children plus our carpool children into my huge van that morning, and was going to pick his sleeping body up last. I remembered half way to school that I forgot to pick him up (it's a 30-minute drive) so I announced GASPING to the carpool --- "You will all be TARDY" and I turned around SOOOOO F-A-S-T !!!!! When I arrived at home, he was GONE...scared me to pieces. A very kind grandfather next door was driving down our street, observed him standing at our huge picture window knocking on the glass calling for help, and stopped to rescue him. Three-year-old Britt told him where the key was hidden in our courtyard. Grandfather unlocked the front door and took Britt home with him. Talk about me being shaken to the core...

I have so many CARPOOL STORY DILEMMAS...like the night the fruit flies hatched in our huge van because a child left their uneaten banana under the seat. It was dark that morning and we didn't identify the hatched horde until I tried to clean my windows. The carpool rode to school with their heads hanging out the windows.

Okay, I TAG YOU for 7 random things.

I TAG:
1. Holly
2. Brookie
3. Patty
4. Connie
5. Kim
6. Fran
7. Sue

The Cupboards are Bare

At 3:00 pm today, my firstborn Barrett hit the "SEND" button on his computer and submitted his final paper of his college career. Woohoo! He officially has his MBA in Business from the University of Nebraska as of today. It is amazing what he accomplished in the past six years in college while training three sports every day and a part-time job as a manager in a running store. He's a professional triathlete.

He is home for Thanksgiving early. The other day he asked me if he could help me go through our house and simplify things and help me get ready for Christmas (his sweet girlfriend is coming for Thanksgiving!!!)---actually, help me get a better handle on things. Whoa! I jumped on his gracious offer. I would be thrilled if you helped me, Barrett!

He decided to start with the kitchen. Go for it. I gave him permission to get rid of or throw anything away within reason. (So what would that mean in a 25-year-old mind? I may not have much left!!!) I am in shock that he wants to do this. This is the first time in his life that he is not in school, not working, and he is on a two-week training break. And he wants to spend it helping his Madre. That touches this mom's weary housekeeping soul. I've let things go for way too long without simplifying my life!

















I left the door open for you to take a peek inside. Should have shown you the "before" picture. I never knew what was in the back on each shelf...

This sweet guy spent seven hours in the kitchen going through every single canned good, and every cooking utensil---checking dates and decency. When I got home, I was flabbergasted. Unbelievable. He even threw in some twinkling white lights decorating the countertop. Oh my---what happened to him at college? His sister was the one who kept everything completely organized when they were in high school. I would just close his door. And the first time I visited him in college---he stuffed EVERYTHING he owned in the college closet to clean up his room for my visit, a nice try - LOL. (My daughter opened the dorm closet while he wasn't looking and it ALL tumbled out, ceiling to floor!) We all washed 15 loads for him that trip (and every pair of blue jeans dyed light pink due to athletic issued "red" clothing---a disaster). And his sweet sister labeled everything in his dorm room and put it all away. He was very nice to us even though we dyed all his jeans :)

"Can I just look in the trash bags, Barrett?" To top it all off---he's teachable and patient with me. But he threw tons of stuff away including pots and baking dishes I have had my whole marriage. And the extension cord was on top of the loaded trash bag---it looked messed up in knots. But, I had been looking for one all day to plug in the Christmas tree I put up last night. I confiscated the cord. And I let the trash go out the door and the bag for Goodwill is gone.

Then, he drove over to Target and bought me a couple of new casserole dishes with a sealed cover (I didn't know they came with covers!) and a new frying pan that works and a new muffin pan. This is too good to be true! He has one more week here before he goes back to college to finish up and move his stuff home.

And he says---you have me all week, Madre!!! I will go through every room with you. It is a lot easier for me to get rid of stuff if I have someone staring at me saying that I don't need that out-of-date thing or the stuff I haven't used in a year or even that package of water balloons in the kitchen "party drawer"---BUT WAIT...maybe you guys will throw water balloons at each other at Thanksgiving---oh wait, what am I even thinking?

Pray for me this week that I can let go of things that have accumulated over the decades. This is so hard for me. I have been an attachaholic and God never intended for me to be attached to anything or anyone but Him. No more! You know the C. S. Lewis quote: "We are who we believe we are." Attaching to things and people is my old way of doing life and the new way is living with open hands to my sovereign God. Openhanded to getting rid of things that own me. Openhanded to my good God for friendships, especially the few that aren't interested in me and I so want their love and friendship. No tight fists. It may be a lonely road but I am finding such satisfaction in Him--- for who can satisfy my soul like Jesus? No One else. And I have been thinking a lot today about Deut. 4:37 --- apart from the Presence and Power of God, we can't get "out" of the messes we have created for ourselves. I don't even have the willpower to do this. But life isn't about how strong I am. II Cor. 12: 9,10. Why is it so hard for me to get rid of things, especially memorabilia and sentimental stuff? I think I'm afraid I'll make a mistake and lose something or I could find someone who needs it or make money off of it or I will need it someday, and so it accumulates. I wasn't made for this world and we can't take it with us anyway. Why am I saving this stuff? It is going out the door this week.

We made it through the kitchen today and my oven isn't used for storage anymore! It's empty and that's new! Tomorrow we tackle the boys' bedrooms and I am a little trepid that he'll want to get rid of his toys from childhood, his baseball card collection... wonder what treasures we will find there. There's his first wagon and his first TONKA truck and his first lock of hair and his first teeny rocking horse and his first peewee baseball uniform...uh oh...stay tuned.

This is such an answer to prayer for God to prompt my son to give me the first week off of his little life. It was an overwhelming task for me alone. I even have 3 empty kitchen drawers I can fill some day. I am ecstatic! The cupboards are bare and it is a very good thing!

Blog Thing GiveAway

In the summer of 2006, my sweet Brooke left for Thailand for two years. She had told me about the blogging world so I attempted to set one up by myself....oh dear. It took one year to get me up and running. Had to wait for the other two who were in college to come home and help. When Barrett finally connected with my computer, he turned to me and said, "Mom, did you know that you have set up seven blogs and have never posted on any of them? One year. Seven blogs. And I didn't have a clue how to post. Nor could I remember the passwords on seven blogs...LOL.
So, to try to enter blog giveaways WITH LINKS....oh my word....I will give this one a try cause I just LOVE MAKING BOOKS for my children...have been doing it all my married life with children. I wonder if I can use the computer to do this???

Here's the giveaway...Angela at mommy bytes is giving away six HP Photo Books. I think her address is http://www.mommybytes.com/ like maybe that is her URL address or her link or her something. It's Angela. I have lost my URL address line at the top of my computer screen or I would check it out for you.

It's definitely something that I can even blog! Well, thank you Angela, and we'll see if I actually entered anything...

EMPTYING SPACES

TRADING SPACES...it's a great show but life is different than trading spaces...sometimes I get the feeling that I am supposed to go the THE TRADING POST and trade my sorrow in for joy. Trade my pain in. But this life isn't about trading. It's about emptying.

EMPTYING SPACES...the Holy Spirit is emptying spaces in my heart that I have filled with MYSELF. And HE is doing it for one REASON and that is to fill it with HIMSELF. And then I EMBRACE and EXPERIENCE my Good God whether it's on top of the mountains or in the valleys of the shadow of death.

God cannot walk by an

EMPTY SOUL
without FILLING IT
wrote St. John of The Cross

We are trying to downsize from things...trading spaces so to speak...and I was looking in the study today to see what piece of furniture I could get rid of next. I thought about the nightstand. And I turned to my husband and said...let me tell you why I have never got rid of that nightstand with the broken handle. My daddy slept every night next to that nightstand that held a loaded gun to protect us from my brother who struggled so much. We feared for our lives growing up. Someday I'll sell it for $10. But for now, it's a reminder that my good God, my beautiful God, my mighty God, my ever-present God, Who was there then, is here now, and is still emptying me of myself and that's good. I became a follower of Christ right after college graduation when I realized I was exchanging my life for this world. Matthew 16:25. Fear of man. Fear of evil. Yet, what does it profit me if I gain the WHOLE WORLD and lose my soul. It has been decades of emptying me of myself. Every day, my Faithful Friend is filling me with Himself and that just simply blows me away.

The nightstand is about all I have left of my physical belongings as a child. From nightstands to new dawns, my Beautiful God is detaching me from dependence on anything but Him and Him ALONE. I'll tell you tomorrow one thing He is detaching me from. He is so good to us. So very good. The God who created EVERYTHING, the Uncreated One, is filling our empty spaces with HIMSELF.

Emptying Spaces...I wonder what empty spaces in your life He is filling with HIMSELF?

Tell Me Your Sorrows

Something just happened to me that I could tell you if you were sitting across from me with your cup of coffee. I just can't share it on a blog. I feel so beaten down. So hurt over what has happened. It is very hard to swallow what has happened to me. So, I called no one. I spoke to no one. I went to my good God. He brought to my mind this scene in a story---a story that has come to my mind OFTEN over this past year. It is an excerpt from The Horse and His Boy by C. S. Lewis.

And being very tired and having nothing inside him, he felt so sorry for himself that the tears rolled down his cheeks. What put a stop to this was a sudden fright. Shasta discovered that someone or somebody was walking beside him. It was pitch black and he could see nothing. And The Thing (or Person) was going so quietly that he could hardly hear any footfalls. What he could hear was breathing. His invisible companion seemed to breathe on a very large scale...

"Who are you?" the boy said, scarcely above a whisper.

"One who has waited long for you to speak," replied The Thing.

To which the boy replied: Man! "I am the unluckiest person in the whole world."

Once more he felt the warm breath of the Thing on his hand and face.

“There,” The Thing said, “that is not the breath of a ghost."

"TELL ME YOUR SORROWS,” - spoke Aslan. "I do not call you unfortunate," said the Large Voice.

And the boy retorted---"Don't you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?"

"There was only one lion," spoke Aslan.

"How do you know?

"I was the lion."

This scene from the pen of C.S. Lewis lives in my memory and I wonder why?

Is it because...

my God has waited long for me to speak to Him first before I go to family, to friends for comfort and care...

Is it because...

I feel unfortunate at times with the amount of things I've had to go through. My list would be so long from childhood trauma to gang rape to multiple miscarriages to losing the church position we loved so much...

Is it because...

His warm breath on my hand and face shows up so unexpectedly for me...and this year it has been wholly holy haunting all the time.

This morning that Breath was all over me when I crossed the bridge on our way to school with my son sitting next to me. I grabbed his huge hand (he's 6'4") and I began to weep in repentance over this thing He had brought to my mind. He sweetly kissed me back wondering once again why his mom was crying...it's a frequent occurrence around me. He sees my God showing up for me so much. And my tears this morning were ones of such gratitude. No bitter tears running down my face. Sorrow-filled tears that my God is wiping away. Off to the gym to walk and it happened again on the treadmill of all places---the Warm Breath on my face, and I knew it was my good God coming to me.

There is only one lion in my life and He was there in all of my sorrows, in all of my joys. He was there when I was raped. He was there when I looked at death square in the eyes. I didn't think He was. But he was There.

And I know that Breath, that Hand on my face this morning. So, I'll keep on telling Him the sorrows in my heart. This may be a desert time for me as it says in Jeremiah 31:1---may I find His Favor in this desert for He comes to give me REST. I am finding a rest I have never had. And, verses 10-14 say: hear the Word for me today for it is my Good Shepherd WHO is watching over me, redeeming me from the hand of those who are stronger than I. Oh my, how true! I rejoice in my God for my Good Shepherd is turning my mourning into gladness. "I will give you comfort and joy instead of sorrow." (v. 13) Only my Good God can do that. Such craziness--- I have a little bit more joy this morning in the midst of my sorrows. Sorrow and joy mingle friendly in my heart. In fact, I'm even dancing in my heart! There is only One God, One Lion. And, yes, He is always on the move. May you sense His Breath, His Hand on you this very day!

Sitting at Sonic Surrounded by Sovereignty

Last night we arrived at my son’s first high school basketball game in a distant country town and we were 3 hours early…woohoo!...unusual for me as I struggle being late so much of the time…and Sonic was one block away…even better…so I cruised into Sonic alone…but I wasn’t Alone…

And I sat there and realized that I layed down my Bible to get into my SUV and didn’t pick the Book back up…oh no…then I remembered that I had a journal with me where I had been jotting down verses God had been speaking to me…soooooo…

I sat still and said to my beautiful God….would you just speak to me…would you just tell me Your Thoughts, higher than my thoughts. I’m listening and looking over these verses…

For the next couple of hours I just sat and listened and tried to still my wearied heart, my lonely heart…and my beautiful God so showed up…He is always right here if we just return, just come. Draw near to our good God…as it says in Hebrews 10:19-22 “Enter the Most Holy Place and draw near with a sincere heart cleansed from a guilty conscience.” “The Nearness of my God is my good.’

I read a quote by Spurgeon this morning about Deut 33 that said that when you think that underneath you are the Everlasting Arms, that the Hebrew word actually means God is above you, around you, and underneath you. Surrounded!

So I am sitting at Sonic surrounded by Sovereignty! Ohhh!

I don’t pretend to know my good sovereign God any better than you do but it seemed to me as I listened to Him that this is what I heard Him say to me…and I just loved every minute of it.

The first Sonic thought that came to me was that my awesome Holy God is changing me and it is so GOD. I am not the person I was last month much less last year. For just like a leper can’t heal himself, a leopard can’t change the spots on his coat, neither can we who are accustomed to doing evil, make a change. It seemed to me God was saying that He has given me unbelievable insight as our family has walked through the most difficult year of our lives. But, He whispered to me--- insight doesn’t change you…it’s God! It’s God who changes us and that can’t be explained in any other way. And I am so absolutely eternally unbelievable grateful to Him for changing me! I have thought so much this year about what causes really deep change…it’s happening to me and I am so so so grateful to my loving awesome holy beautiful God.

Then, it seemed to me at Sonic, maybe, that my glorious God was saying that He is putting in me a Strength that people cannot disrupt, nor destroy, nor dent…did you hear how I put “maybe.” I wouldn’t want you to think more highly of me than what is really there. But I am seeing that when people disrupt my peace or intimidate me, I am finding a Rest I have not known. My friend the other night hurt me so deeply and I shared with my friend how much that hurt but didn’t stop there…no one can disrupt us unless we let them. And I went on to find a REST in my sovereign God. Draw near to Him even when things are not going right…and a deep heart desire to have compassion on that person came… and love for them rose up in my heart as I repented of my old ways of making them feel bad about what they had done to me. Hosea 11:8 – “my heart is changed within me; my compassion is aroused and I will not carry out my fierce anger nor will I turn on them or devastate them.” Either we are advancing our own kingdom or advancing the Kingdom of our King.

And then the verse came to my mind---He is abundantly available in tight places as it says in one of the versions of Psalms 46:1 says ‘God is our Strength, a very present help in times of need.’ And, oh, how I need Him so in my desperation. And there is a shift occurring at Sonic, really in me, that instead of pitching my tent and camping out at how I feel, I am wondering how He feels about me…

I feel deserted…but He is delighting in me. Isaiah 62:4, 19
I am sought after by a Wise God…so put away the sin in my right hand Job 11:13---jealousy over what is happening for others, not for me. Too many thoughts like that have pranced in my mind this week. Isaiah 44:20 - "Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?"--- if I think that my good God is not making it happen for me or my children. What is life for me? Things working out. How curved in on my own thinking.

The Message in Ephesians 6 says that we are in a life & death fight to the finish. For keeps. And John 13:37 jumped out at me---God is bringing some blank spaces in my life...don't fill in the blanks. The verse says---"Why can't I?"...don't fill in the blank...

Open my eyes to receive - Acts 26:18
Hold my head up high, please, my sovereign good God Psalm 3:3

Still sitting at Sonic...but I'll have to tell you the Sonic conclusion tomorrow...I just came home from an hour morning walk on the Trinity River that made a surprising detour. I was listening to a podcast from John Piper on "The Glory of God" and was so absorbed in it that I walked and jogged 1 1/2 hours one way down the river and then I had to get back!!!!!!!! So my one hour walk/jog turned into a three-hour 10 mile walk. So, I am a little bit behind on today...but it was a great podcast! And I listened to all this new music I downloaded. I was the one on the Trinity Trail smiling, crying, and screaming on the inside with JOY to my Glorious God. He was all over that trail this morning!