Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The post that went away with fear and CAME BACK WITH COURAGE

"TAKE COURAGE!" That's what my good God just spoke to my heart at my Esther bible study in Houston tonight. I want to face my fear and focus on what's more important than fear. Moving out with my good God convinced of His Great Love for even me...

Before I left for Houston this a.m., I wrote the following post for my blog. I decided not to publish the post out of fear that it wasn't good enough or I wasn't blogging like I was supposed to or it was way way too long or I had used someone's quote and wasn't original...a nagging sense that I did the wrong thing. Always feel like I am doing the wrong thing. Oh my---I can't even blog right. So I hit delete instead of enter. After sitting through the bible study on Esther tonight, I was so moved by the Holy Spirit to face my fear and I just got to a computer tonight and quickly typed the fledgling post back up. I don't want fear to control my life.

Something shifted in me tonight as I left the study and spent the next hour driving, talking and crying out to my beautiful God, alone in my SUV, following behind Tina caravaning to Galveston. I'll remember this night forever...I'll tell you another time about what I learned. It's one of those studies where God so showed up SESSION 4 of ESTHER YOU WILL decision I made tonight will alter my days to come. The bible study was on Esther 4 --- who knows if she was there in the kingdom for such a time as this? Something shifted in Esther to bring her to the brink of her decision---"if I perish, I perish." That's true courage!

So I am not hitting the delete button and here's the post that went away with fear and came back with courage...

Set my heart on Pilgrimage
Set my heart on Pilgrimage...ooohhh! Psalm 84:5
All I know is that I am so yearning for my good God and He may not be safe but, oh, is He ever good. I'm reading Psalm 84 and the pilgrimage part just jumps out at me. Psalm 84:2 says my soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord. My heart cries out for the living God. In the RSV it is translated "shouts for joy." I am at a place where I feel like I am shouting inside to my God all the time crying out for Him, and shouting for joy even in the midst of not much happening in my physical world---yet so much happening in my spiritual world. I read verses like Job 19:25-27 where Job said: "I know that my Redeemer lives and that in the end He will stand upon the earth." And I want to stand up and SHOUT...cause I know it, I know it...and Job said, "how my heart yearns within me...I myself will see Him with my own eyes." Oh that I may see Him...

I am walking out the door on a petite pilgirmage to Houston in a just a moment to go to a Beth Moore Esther bible study. Going to Houston to experience the God in Beth Moore...and...the pilgrimage itself of what will happen when I am with Tina in her condo in Galveston talking with my good friend and experiencing my good God on an awesome Texas beach. As a Christian our pilgrimage is about going but it is also about arriving Home one day.

Someone once said that pilgrimage does not mean walking through as much as it does setting up a temporary lodging in the midst of our circumstance. A Temporary Lodging of Life. We are just passing through on our way to Home. Set my heart on my pilgrimage my dear God. For as C.S. Lewis says: we were made for another world and we are on our way Home...therefore my story doesn't define me or contain me...I am here for Him...

Here on earth we are pilgrims and the Lord's Prayer teaches us to ask for our daily bread. Sometimes my daily bread arrives with tears and fears. He's a good God but it's not the safe road that is always in front of me. Sometimes it looks like the battle I am in is a losing one. The Valley of Baca in Psalm 84:6 translates "Valley of Weeping"---and it was called that because of the Palestinian alders that weep sap in that valley. That valley is also called the Valley of Rephraim. Rephraim meant the giants in the land but they were long gone---wiped out. Someone said that Rephraim meant "ghosts" to the Hebrews cause they really remembered those giants. Do I think the safe road is no tears, no fears, no giants, no ghosts. You know C.S. Lewis' quote - He's good, but He's not safe.

Tears in what I have lost in this world
Fears of those giants in my life who are long gone yet still here like haunting ghosts.
"Blessed are those whose strength is in You, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. They go from Strength to Strength." psalm 84: 5-7

I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO LIVE WITHOUT FEAR?? (Beth asked that question tonight at the bible study.)
BUT I DO KNOW THAT I JUST JUMPED IN WITH BOTH FEET TO FACE A FEAR AND POST WHAT I WAS AFRAID TO SAY...THERE...I SAID IT...I WONDER WHAT I AM REALLY AFRAID OF? i think maybe i am afraid to fail again since my husband lost his ministry job...but I recognize that a little COURAGE IS RISING UP IN ME that could only come from my good God...Let my heart not be afraid,
"Take Courage!"
by Bev Brandon
8:13:00 AM


CrownLaidDown 10/10/2007  

Now that is indeed who God created you to be, Bev...courageous and fears or worries....the strength of a Mighty woman of God.

Keep speaking His Word...keep sharing your heart. It is indeed a good heart that God has given you!

Talk with you soon!

Lindsee 10/10/2007  

Your writing is amazing! :) Wish I could have been there last night. My mom was! And, def. wish I could join you this weekend!!

Hope you get a word this weekend also. Can't wait to hear all about it!


Shonda 10/10/2007  

What a difference receiving a Word from the Lord makes! I've read from two other ladies about the Esther study last night being a right on time Word from the Lord! Praise God! I'm glad you received from Him as I'm gleaning from all of you who did!

Blessings in Christ--

Abby 10/10/2007  

so great! glad you didn't hit the delete button this time...girl you just post that confident in that wisdom that has so evidently been given to you! wow!

do you always get to travel to see the lovely beth on tuesdays? do i have to be jealous of you again?! ;)
haha..just kidding..jealous in the most amazing, SO GLAD you can experience it since i can't, sort of way! that girl is something else, isn't she?!

hope you're great! so glad to 'know' you!
by the way...are you going to the san antonio conference next august?! i will be there with all of the other blog siestas!!! :)

connorcolesmom 10/11/2007  

OOHHH great post!!
One of my biggest strongholds is fear.
God is breaking me free of it!!
I can see you are on your way too my sister!
Oh and funny you should mention the LORD's prayer - I am trying to download the video I have of Cole saying it but it is taking forever and might not work :(
I truly enjoy your posts - they always make me smile. Your heart for God shines through!
Love ya,

connorcolesmom 10/11/2007  

I finally got it!!
Yes I know it is almost 1 am here in Georgia however I tend to be a perfectionist and I can not sleep if something is not complete.
So cole is now up running on my blog :)
Love ya,

connorcolesmom 10/12/2007  

I hope you had a blast tonight.
My hubby is out in the woods answering the call - hehe
I am so excited for him and it is finally getting cooler here so they should really having a good time.
God bless,

Anonymous 10/13/2007  

Thought I'd drop in and say "HI". It sounds like you had a great time last night.

Take care, and by the way, I LOVE Chris Tomlin's cd! Listening to David Crowder's Collision right now.

Toknowhim 10/13/2007  

Just a comment to let you know that every time I read one of your comments to a blogger it draws me in.
I think what I love most is that you do not comment so much on the outward things, but you try to look at the person's heart (as much as you can through a blog:), and encourage them in her personal walk with Jesus. That is a gift in my book!!!

I also see your love and passion for Jesus through your writings, and it is tender and powerful at the same time.

Fear... I hate that word. Mostly because it is the dominating stronghold in my life. I have had periods of victory with it, but when it comes back it does so with a vengeance. Your comment about Beth asking what kind of life would we have without fear is the question I wrestle with daily in my walk, but may I say that I do believe that victory is in my future with this fear thing... I feel hope!!!

As my best friend said, "just keep sowing to the Spirit". I can't change myself, it is only Jesus working in me that will truly bring about the changes I need. So, I will just keep getting "To Know Him" as my blog states.

Blessings to you Bev, Oh how I wish I had someone like you in my life as a mentor. Keep pressing into Jesus!!!

jen 10/13/2007  

It just thrills me to bits that you faced a fear and didn't back down! And I'm pretty sure it put a smile on God's face. Oh man, can you just imagine the joy of putting a smile on God's face! Jesus in you = one sweet combination!

Praying for Our Friend Joanne Psalm 131:3 Waiting on God. Hope Now. Hope Always.

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I have another blog where I blog daily as a small group of us read through the New Testament this year. It's called A String of Pearls. We carry each other on mats (when we just can't walk anymore) to Jesus and sweet things like that.


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