COMPUTER CRASHED

I received an e-mail from a guy whose name I did not recognize. He was writing to ask me if I would like to blog with him. I kind of thought that the name was somebody from our church. So, I clicked on his name on the e-mail to read his profile and UH OH! 843 posts FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY appeared on my blog---I guess it was a blog takeover. I'm not sure. It was called ONE WORLD and his blog was added to mine. It was full of pornography. Instantly weird pop-up's started flooding everywhere I went on my computer. It took a few hours to get his ONE WORLD blog off of my blog but the damage was done. By the end of that night, my computer crashed. My children tell me (!) not to open up any file from anyone that you don't know. And I usually don't....but this was innocent for I thought it was a church member blogging with me. Oh dear....we are looking for someone in our city to take a look at our computer to see if anything can be salvaged----years and years of word documents and files that can't be replaced. LESSON LEARNED: I won't open anything again from anyone I do not absolutely know.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"What rules your heart more than the love of Christ?" asked my good friend. Oh my goodness, I thought, nothing I hope. "I think, Bev, there is something that you want more than love." It was a good conversation between good friends. A challenge for me to think about what I was really saying and thinking and doing and living.

What do I want more than love? I have all of Christ's love and I can never ever lose that Love. So what is that I was communicating that I wanted more than Love and my friend could see it. What something more than drawing near to my good God could I want? I asked my Lord to show me and He did. He really did! And it is His Kindness that leads us to repentance! Romans 2:4.

Throughout my life I have wanted to be special. Wanted to be recognized. Wanted to find my worth not in God alone but in what I accomplished. A powerful ministry, a great marriage, great children. Good goals but was that my ruling passion? I attached myself to strong, powerful people like my husband and other successful people. It took suffering to see that I was an idolater. Attachaholic! God never intended for me to be dependent on anyone but Him. God never intended that I find my worth in anything else but Him. He alone can fill this empty heart of mine. And, the things I tried to fill it with didn't satisfy, for it was a broken cistern, Jeremiah 2:13--- and broken jugs don't hold Living Water. Just like the woman at the well...she didn't know she was thirsty says John 4:10..."if you knew Who it was that asks you for a drink," Jesus said to the woman--- you would have been all over Me and I would have given you Living Water! "What do you want?" asks Jesus.

"We deceive ourselves to believe we are living the Christian life, but we are following a Christianized version of the 'old way' ". It was a quote I heard at a conference I went to this summer. "What is your ruling passion? Is it for impact, vision, church growth, my goals OR is it to bring pleasure to the Heart of your God and that Christ be formed in you?" C.S. Lewis calls it "making little Christ's."

These thoughts came from my QT this morning as I read Deuteronomy 29 - 32. Open my mind to understand, my eyes to see, my ears to hear. May I remember what you did for me in my desert when my clothes never wore out nor the sandals on my feet---for 40 years. Deut. 29:5. That's some shoes! Some God!

And if there is anything in me that wants something more than the love of Christ, free me of that my dear Heavenly Father that I may only attach myself to you and You Alone! And if there is a "lie I am holding in my right hand" --- Isaiah 44:20 --- you, mighty God, will show even that to me. Just like you did to the mother of the sons of Zebedee in Matthew 20:20-28..."What do you want dear mother?" asked Jesus. And she replied that she wanted a special place for her sons. Jesus didn't blast the woman---He simply said that if you want to be great in God's kingdom, be a servant. Don't think that success is being aligned only with those who are powerful, those who are a success. Even when you have done anything to the least---you have done it to Me. There are no big people and little people in this Christian world. We are servants of the Most High.

On my way to San Antonio for the State Cross Country Championships. It took me 11 hours to get here, a 5-hour ride---LOL...I stopped at Sonic, Starbucks, Seven-Eleven, Braum's, Tex-Mex, and the Outlet Mall! And I listened to 6 DVD's in the car that so touched my soul!!!!

Britt runs three miles on Saturday morning about 12:30pm...pray for him. He has been injured this whole season and has just recently recovered from a pelvic injury. He won't be running at 100%. He would have had a great shot at All State but I'm just happy for him that he is willing to try to do his best playing without a full deck. That builds character in our teens. Life isn't all about winning, anyway. And I am grateful for a sixteen year old little fella that doesn't want the applause of men more than the attention of His Christ. Have a great weekend! See you in San Antonio!

Believing With You Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast

It has been such an accumulation of life over the weekend, I can't even explain it...a lifelong dream dashed, an annoying blog hostage, a hope halted, a self worth shaken, a friend's phone call of their brother's unexpected death...

I asked Bob what he thought our good God was saying in the midst... and he pulled out the book he is reading, Shattered Dreams, and said, this is for you, Bev...

"Trusting God is dangerous business UNLESS we are trusting Him for what He has promised to provide." Or, is it for what I want Him to provide in midst of lost dreams and screaming silence and shaken confidence.

Bob went on to say that what had just happened to us in 24 hours made him think about what he was reading by Larry Crabb... we both need to remember what brokenness is..."it is the awareness that you long to be someone you are not and cannot be without Divine help..."

And my mind went to the quote from Beth Moore last weekend that I need to cease rehearsing my complaints and start remembering that the battle is not mine, it is the LORD's...Psalm 31:1-4 "Many are saying of me, 'God will not deliver him.' Selah. But you are a shield around me, O LORD, you bestow glory on me and You lift up my head. To the LORD I cried and he answers me from his holy hill."

So, to the Lifter of my Head, I am ceasing the rehearsing of the complaints and starting off this week praising You. II Chron. 20:12 - "We don't have the power and we do not know what to do but our eyes are on You."

II Chron 20: 15-18 - don't be discouraged for the battle is the Lord's not yours...march down...you will not have to fight...plant your feet, stand firm and the Lifter of your Head will win the battle on your behalf...see the deliverance your God will give you...oh my goodness...do not be afraid, do not be discouraged...face them and the Lord will be with you.

Remember Alice in Wonderland? Alice said: "There's no use trying, one can't believe impossible things." And the Queen replied: "I daresay you haven't had much practice. When I was younger, I practiced for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

Delivered with TERROR and with WONDER Deut 26:8

I have to take a break from grading hundreds of papers...my Tuesday deadline looms large...

Heard from my sweet Brookie in Bangkok and her tests at the hospital all came out NORMAL...thank you God!!! Thank you so much for praying for my daughter. She has had more cancer scares for a 24-year-old than most in one year's time. But what I love so much is her faith. It speaks so loud---for her head is laid on His lap. And His Hand is on her head. Oh!

So grateful to our glorious God this morning for my daughter's new health and a tint of coolness, so I am TIME OUT going for a neighborhood jog and a new blog...

Night before last I was so startled in middle of night by the plaintive wail of our Border Collie...now if it was daytime, I wouldn't be afraid---in fact, we just had a sonic boom rumble over our house nestled by an Air Force base and I didn't even blink...just walked to the window to check it out and all was okay. So, why am I so terrified at nighttime? Actually, I do know why... most of what happened to me as a child was done in the middle of the night. I shot straight up in the dark and it happened---just like it has my whole life---I couldn't utter a word I was so terrified---kind of like a partial paralysis. I hate it...it's so demonic...and I cried out ON THE INSIDE to my good good God to please help deliver me out of this trap one more time. For one minute it is like sheer terror and God brought to my mind the verse--- Be Still! and know that I AM God. For one minute that seemed like forever, it diminished and I cried out and grabbed my husband's face and just kept saying his name over and over...Bob! Bob! Bob! Pray for me! He knew what was going on...this has happened to me on and off my whole life. Used to be way worse because I actually feared that if I lost control while it was happening, it was over and my mind would be gone. And that I had to fight it. Oh silly me that I could wrestle with darkness when we have the incomparably great power on my behalf, same power that was exerted in Christ being raised from the dead---that's what is available, Bev! So, no more, I know now that the worse can happen---cause it did to me last year---and yet "No one can snatch me out of my Father's Hand." John 10:28.

Yesterday, when I awoke and went to Him...my God said to me in my quiet time with Him. Psalm 143:3 Satan makes you dwell in darkness but 143:8 "Let this morning bring word of my unfailing Love." I found God's love in His word, in my faithful husband, my kids, a kind friend, a blog, a walk, a Breaking Free Bible Study, a song, a word, a meal shared...I found His love. And I wasn't afraid to go to bed last night and I know that that is God...sweet sleep.

What is the greatest thing we fear? I know for me...it happened to me last year and...??? I'm still here and trusting God. Mark 9:24 - "I believe...help my unbelief." And my God continues to lift me up and stand me on my feet. Mark 9:27. This morning in my QT I read Deut. 26:8 that when He delivered them out of Egypt it was with TERROR and with WONDER...and that's pretty much my life. Being delivered with terror; BEING delivered with wonder. Then I read that I can go hide myself in Him Psalm 143:9. Hide me in the shelter of your tabernacle..oohh. Psalm 27:5.

Absorbing the faint coolness of this Texas morn and the terror and wonder of it all, I have been camping out at one song on my 2-mile run---Chris Tomlin's Amazing Grace/ My Chains are Gone. The jog and blog break are now over & I'm going back to grading papers knowing He is forever mine and forever yours...

-=

Buried in Grades

I am buried in grading papers NON-STOP for the next few days. I have several hundred to grade by this weekend. So I won't post, but I can always take a break to comment on yours...see you at your post...

Caught Aroma of Christ this weekend....... Over Here Asking Five Questions

I am still reeling from Beth Moore's Session 4 of Esther last Tuesday in Houston and intro of Breaking Free and then on top of all of that I went to Beth Moore's live studio tapings at James Robison's LOI this weekend. I am so desperate for a word from my wooing God. The digital camera was on nighttime so the above pic is ethereal of Bev, Beth, Christie & Holly--- but I promise you we were all awake at every word. And the Elvis photo was totally out of this world when he sang to Beth "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me"--you know that oldie which floored the Moore girl, literally. I will long remember this week and the one-liners that linger... I wanted to share with you what lingers in my mind and heart from the five talks she gave this weekend which will become multiple tv segments, Wednesdays with Beth. Seven hours of Beth is like a very thirsty soul of mine drinking out of a fire hydrant---I got enough to taste and quench my thirst but missed a powerful lot, I'm sure, while I was being drenched with God. It was such a privilege to share this weekend with my blogging siestas, Holly from crownlaiddown and Christie...I met them in person...humble Holly has such childlike faith and such a praying heart. Christie knows what it means to take courage.

I am so "curved in on myself" in my pain and my God has so showed up to give me release not relief---still in the midst of hard times but, oh my, Luke 24:45 sums it up---my precious Father is opening my mind to understand the Scriptures a teenitsy bit more than ever.

The following thoughts are what lingers on my heart after listening to Beth teach for seven solid straight hours this weekend. Oh my! I hope I can do justice to what I heard. She opens her mouth and God fills it with Himself. Psalm 81:10. Tune in to LIFE TODAY Wednesdays with Beth and you'll be so moved by the beautiful God in this woman. I caught the fragrance of our precious Jesus II Cor. 2:14 from this intriguing life wrapped around the Mind and Heart of her God. And I am over here in Benbrook asking myself five questions tonight in response to her five talks... Am I driven by comfort or driven by Christ? What on earth do I do when I face trials today? When was the last time I repented? What words of forgiveness can I FED EX to my God's Hand? What drives me to my knees today? God has used this servant of the Word of God to bring me to Himself and I am so grateful to Him. This long post really ends here and the rest are the notes from each of those questions that gripped me. It's really for me to save and savor. Thanks so much for reading my blog. Just like you, I long to find Him ... and it's people like this beautiful lady who lead me to look into my heart and allow my merciful Lord to deal with the core of my heart. Five Questions to wonder about this stormy night in Benbrook. Five Questions to ask in the days and months and years to come, Lord willing.

Talk #1 – “Comfort”
Am I driven by comfort or driven by Christ?…compelled by the love of Christ,.II Cor. 5:13. I thought I lost my right mind March 15, 2006 but God lifted my head Psalm 3:3 and stood me up Rev 1:17,18 and He came all over me. Beth has put words to what happened to me in past 18 months---I’m not crazy…I’m crazy for Christ…out of my right mind for my beautiful Christ. Yes, I am! Beth shared Lam. 1:2. It was my story---bitter tears burned down my body; there was no one to comfort me. My beautiful God picked me up and compelled me with the Beauty of his Boundless Face. “Look into suffering” but don’t let my pain define me; don't let my story define me….it is my beautiful Lover who defines me and I can no longer be driven for my own comfort, nor for the removal of my pain, but for the release of my sovereign God…my Author who has orchestrated even this…either we are driven by comfort or driven by my crucified Christ...

Talk #2 – “Praise”
What on earth do I do when I face trials and tears?
“We have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us and we do not know what to do but our eyes are upon You.” I Chron 20:12 “Have faith…the battle is the Lord’s.” “Keep your face up.” “Plant your feet in the battlefield…for you are a Divine Participant." “Pick up praise as your weapon. Praise with a loud voice. Every time you pray, the enemy has to listen.”
“The Spirit of my Sovereign Lord is all over me and He has sent me to bestow a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isa. 61:2 That verse is what the gracious God in Beth has done for me as I reflect on this past year doing Beth Moore bible studies.

Talk #3 – “Living Forgiving"
When was the last time I repented?
“Learn to not let offenses stick to me” (wait til you hear the Velcro roller story!)
“Empowered by God to not let an offense stick”
“It is our glory to overlook the offense”
“Take the plank out of your own eye” Luke 6:41
"Grace people with your words"
“If you see yourself under the Law, you put others under it too.”
“You know me God Psa 139:1---isn't that just amazing---we are safe with God…you know me so test me.” Psalm 139: 23
“You want something but you don’t get it cause of the desires that battle within you.” James 4: 1,2...
This talk so spoke to me about my ongoing repentance...when was the last time you repented?

Talk #4 – "Forgive”
What words of forgiveness can I "send forth" by FED EX to my God's Hand?
“Some thoughts can’t escape us for 25 years—you live with it every day.” And sometimes I think it is the absence of the thought, the absence of fear that is victory and not so...
“Each heart knows its own bitterness.” Prov. 14:10
“Devastation leads to isolation.”
“There is only One who reads our heart from the inside out.”
“Let God do it---“not relief but Release."
“Strongholds II Cor 10: 3-5 are exalted thought processes.”
“I must forgive others in the sight of Christ in order that Satan might not outwit us, for we are aware of his schemes.”
“Don’t miss the grace of your God.” Heb. 12
Beth read from her book When Godly People do Ungodly Things about the woman who married beneath herself. Beth is right, that story awakens us with the force of a tidal wave because the one in the story who beats his chest for God to have mercy on him---that husband found rest for his sin-sick soul. Just like the Son of David---“have mercy on me, my God.” But the self-righteous wife in the story made herself a dangerous transgressor in thinking she had never sinned against her family like her husband did.
Matthew 18:34, 35 so gripped me…”unless you forgive your brother this is how your heavenly Father will treat each of you---He will turn you over to be tortured.” It’s not okay with God to be unforgiving.
“Pray the Lord’s Prayer….forgive.” “Aphiemi” means send it forth to God…Fed Ex it to His Hand.” “We were meant to live a supernatural life.” “We know something we would have never known cause we made a decision to cooperate with a miracle.” “See what you despise in yourself and find the mercy of God."
Beth told a powerful story of standing alone at her father’s grave. She layed down every offense, buried it there in the grave. She stood up a grateful child, drenched in God, let it be done.

Talk #5 – “Thorn in the Flesh”
What drives me to my knees today?
“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh.” II Cor. 12:7
“The knowledge of secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you.” Matt. 13:11. Eyes see. Ears hear. Affected by His Presence. Something happens I can’t describe to a Spirit at Rest. Suddenly, I sense something is gonna be all right.
“I'll show Myself to you.” John 14:21
“He opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.” Luke 24:45 and collect the parts of the puzzle of your life. Keep on asking Eph. 1:17 for the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation to know Him better.
II Cor. 12:4 – he heard inexpressible things…something happened I can’t describe
Thorn in flesh pops our inflated ego’s. Conceit means hyperairo---to exalt ourselves.
Desperation is a strange gift. What keeps you connected with God? What drives me to my knees? Nothing like knowing God is on me. Isa. 61:1
Jer. 45:5 – do not seek great things for yourself.
You can do what you think you cannot because God’s power is on you.
I will never make it without God, He is an IV needle in my veins.
His Grace is sufficient; can’t separate grace and prayer.
Save us from sin; save us from self.
Great revelation...Not self elevation.
I don’t want revelation to cause me to be full of myself.
Beth shared how she never conquered fear of speaking…yes, it's true God doesn't give us a spirit of fear….but he can send spirits to torment us…
God’s grace is sufficient; Power is perfected in weakness. II Cor 12: 9,10 for the all surpassing power is in jars of clay.
Exodus 40:34 showed up as a powerful Presence of our present God. Our providential God is pitching the Tent of His Presence looking for humble ground. The word was made flesh---tabernacled among us. Oh my!

Beth asked the live studio audience what God spoke to them at the end of the five talks and this is what they said:
there is victory in praise
living forgiving
be humbled by right thing
pop the balloon of thorn in flesh
bitterness is poison
move out of my comfort zone
praise when i don't know what to do
humility in marriage
He is going to come
Christian women have power
the battle is not yours
silence means Sabbath
purposes not painful
you are part of His plunder
His calling is greater than our comfort
perceive and receive
turn up the volume of praise
double coated grace & love

Thank you my most loved God for sending this servant to me this year to get me back on my feet cause when we are down before you, our Master our Maker, only You can stand us back up again. No man can do that. It's you. And you used this servant to do that for me and I cannot thank You enough my ever-present, precious, powerful Prince of Peace. You have given and are giving rest for my weary worried sin-sick soul. And I know something tonight that I didn't know before...I have something tonight, I haven't had before.

The post that went away with fear and CAME BACK WITH COURAGE

"TAKE COURAGE!" That's what my good God just spoke to my heart at my Esther bible study in Houston tonight. I want to face my fear and focus on what's more important than fear. Moving out with my good God convinced of His Great Love for even me...

Before I left for Houston this a.m., I wrote the following post for my blog. I decided not to publish the post out of fear that it wasn't good enough or I wasn't blogging like I was supposed to or it was way way too long or I had used someone's quote and wasn't original...a nagging sense that I did the wrong thing. Always feel like I am doing the wrong thing. Oh my---I can't even blog right. So I hit delete instead of enter. After sitting through the bible study on Esther tonight, I was so moved by the Holy Spirit to face my fear and I just got to a computer tonight and quickly typed the fledgling post back up. I don't want fear to control my life.

Something shifted in me tonight as I left the study and spent the next hour driving, talking and crying out to my beautiful God, alone in my SUV, following behind Tina caravaning to Galveston. I'll remember this night forever...I'll tell you another time about what I learned. It's one of those studies where God so showed up SESSION 4 of ESTHER YOU WILL REMEMBER...one decision I made tonight will alter my days to come. The bible study was on Esther 4 --- who knows if she was there in the kingdom for such a time as this? Something shifted in Esther to bring her to the brink of her decision---"if I perish, I perish." That's true courage!

So I am not hitting the delete button and here's the post that went away with fear and came back with courage...

Set my heart on Pilgrimage
Set my heart on Pilgrimage...ooohhh! Psalm 84:5
All I know is that I am so yearning for my good God and He may not be safe but, oh, is He ever good. I'm reading Psalm 84 and the pilgrimage part just jumps out at me. Psalm 84:2 says my soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord. My heart cries out for the living God. In the RSV it is translated "shouts for joy." I am at a place where I feel like I am shouting inside to my God all the time crying out for Him, and shouting for joy even in the midst of not much happening in my physical world---yet so much happening in my spiritual world. I read verses like Job 19:25-27 where Job said: "I know that my Redeemer lives and that in the end He will stand upon the earth." And I want to stand up and SHOUT...cause I know it, I know it...and Job said, "how my heart yearns within me...I myself will see Him with my own eyes." Oh that I may see Him...

I am walking out the door on a petite pilgirmage to Houston in a just a moment to go to a Beth Moore Esther bible study. Going to Houston to experience the God in Beth Moore...and...the pilgrimage itself of what will happen when I am with Tina in her condo in Galveston talking with my good friend and experiencing my good God on an awesome Texas beach. As a Christian our pilgrimage is about going but it is also about arriving Home one day.

Someone once said that pilgrimage does not mean walking through as much as it does setting up a temporary lodging in the midst of our circumstance. A Temporary Lodging of Life. We are just passing through on our way to Home. Set my heart on my pilgrimage my dear God. For as C.S. Lewis says: we were made for another world and we are on our way Home...therefore my story doesn't define me or contain me...I am here for Him...

Here on earth we are pilgrims and the Lord's Prayer teaches us to ask for our daily bread. Sometimes my daily bread arrives with tears and fears. He's a good God but it's not the safe road that is always in front of me. Sometimes it looks like the battle I am in is a losing one. The Valley of Baca in Psalm 84:6 translates "Valley of Weeping"---and it was called that because of the Palestinian alders that weep sap in that valley. That valley is also called the Valley of Rephraim. Rephraim meant the giants in the land but they were long gone---wiped out. Someone said that Rephraim meant "ghosts" to the Hebrews cause they really remembered those giants. Do I think the safe road is no tears, no fears, no giants, no ghosts. You know C.S. Lewis' quote - He's good, but He's not safe.

Tears in what I have lost in this world
Fears of those giants in my life who are long gone yet still here like haunting ghosts.
TOUCH TASTE, TEARS FEARS, GIANTS GHOSTS, GRACE GLORY, STRENGTH STRENGTH
"Blessed are those whose strength is in You, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. They go from Strength to Strength." psalm 84: 5-7

I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO LIVE WITHOUT FEAR?? (Beth asked that question tonight at the bible study.)
I DON'T KNOW...
BUT I DO KNOW THAT I JUST JUMPED IN WITH BOTH FEET TO FACE A FEAR AND POST WHAT I WAS AFRAID TO SAY...THERE...I SAID IT...I WONDER WHAT I AM REALLY AFRAID OF? i think maybe i am afraid to fail again since my husband lost his ministry job...but I recognize that a little COURAGE IS RISING UP IN ME that could only come from my good God...Let my heart not be afraid,
"Take Courage!"
draft
by Bev Brandon
8:13:00 AM

Putting First Things First

When I find something that I super like, I just keep doing it over and over. If it's listening to Paul Baloche's "What Can I Say?" or Chris Tomlin's whole album See The Morning, I'll listen over and over and over. I found a new thing this weekend that I probably did more than 25 times...even closer to 50 times. I ran through a seven foot tall tunnel. It was a quite quiet old galvanized steel foot tunnel that brought you under a well traveled road.
I kept running through this dimly lit tunnel over and over and over again. I'd run through and ask my God to meet me and He would.
I'd run through and pray for my friends like you. I'd run through and listen to my God. Sssshhh. I'd run through and tell Him how marvelous He is. I'd run through and pray for whomever He laid on my heart. I'd run through and listen back. I'd run through and get real quiet in my heart. I'd run through and pray out loud with a reverberating voice. I'd run through and listen to His Word. I'd run through and listen to "You Dance Over Me" over and over. I'd run through and stand still. And I came back the next day and did it all over again. I found my tiny tunnel stretching over twenty yards or so while Britt and I were at a USA swim meet this weekend in an unfamiliar place to me. These swim meets last the whole day to swim 3 events that last only a couple of minutes or sometimes sixty seconds so spectators have a lot of free time. Tunnel time.

The tunnel was a pipe of steel material arranged in uniformed ridges and each ripple was bolted down twelve times. Arranged perfectly to accommodate serious runners and not-so-serious joggers. There was that word popping up again---arranged---I have been thinking about that word for two weeks after a conversation with a friend who told me that my God will give me new friends, new travelers of the heart, but it won't be as arrangeable as it has been in the past which wasn't really arrangeable anyway. What kept coming to my mind is this...sometimes, even unaware, I am trying to arrange my friendships, arrange better circumstances, arrange my day to get better results, arrange my life to make it better, arrange ministry success...all the while my God is saying "Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33 I wonder if that verse is what inspired C.S. Lewis to write: "You can't get second things by putting them first; you can get second things only by putting first things first."

I don't want to live in control of my family, my friends, my ministry, my money, even my Maker. As if I really think that I am in control of my life. I long to get in on what my beautiful God is arranging in my life. I long to live my life under the control of the One who is arranging all things for His Glory.

Pungently Perfumed Macaroni & Cheese

Our sophomore son couldn't wait to dig into the macaroni & cheese at supper tonight accompanying the King Ranch chicken casserole---even though he had downed a foot-long BMT subway sandwich right before swim practice tonight. He lives hungry. You should have seen the look on his face after one bite of the mac & cheese. "What's wrong?" I protectively asked. You see, the other night he mentioned that my couscous dish tasted like it had cleaning agent on it. Now, the child usually doesn't complain about food at all. The husband never complains about any food. But, tonight would be different. Bob quickly tasted the macaroni & cheese dish and gagged but very humbly kept on trying to eat it with a scrunched up look. "Oh dear, what have I done wrong. How do you mess up Velveeta Macaroni & Cheese out of the box? I followed the directions to the "t." " I could feel my culinary insecurities rising inside. They began smelling the concoction and asking me all kinds of questions of what I did. The sophomore son solved the situation at hand. It was Blair's fault---his sister and recent college graduate who came home from college with the food left over in her kitchen pantry. Of course, the valued Velveeta box had never been opened...but sleuth Britt figured out that some perfume must have spilled into the box permeating the sealed uncooked macaroni. You see, Blair just loves perfume...and I do remember the box of unused perfumes and bath products coming in the door with the box for the kitchen. It was a kind gesture from the college grad to donate to our kitchen but perfumed macaroni will permeate our brains forever...and we may never be able to eat macaroni & cheese again... and, I think we'll be smelling a few more dinners before we eat them. And my God helped me to laugh at myself rather than take the self-obsessed path with how I performed. I'm beating myself up less these days and that's good. I've been asking myself this week---am I self-obsessed or God-obsessed? Am I more concerned with allowing my family to touch my soul and touch theirs or is this about looking good, feeling good about myself. Oh well, one might say it was only macaroni and cheese...but too much of what I think is tied to how I perform or connect with others or what I look like. God, please deliver me from my self-obsessed soul. We tried to decipher which perfume it was...but couldn't unpack the fragrance. Sure enough, the box in the trash can smelled like HUGO... how will I look and live today... self-obsessed or God-obsessed?

Jesus is the Stability of his Times

Happy Birthday

Happy Anniversary

Several close friends honored my husband with their presence on his birthday. To be known and touched deeply in your soul by your friends is such a great gift. To lead an observed life where friends deeply care enough about you to share what's on their heart and ask you about yours...ask about your deep thoughts in your heart---that's such a gift. Our friends don't try to fix us, they just love us and hold our stories close in their hearts. "Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend." C.H. Spurgeon

It's Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary in the same week for Bob. So after his birthday party ended, we slipped away for three days in Dallas. My husband lives out Isaiah 33:6 in front of me - Jesus Christ is the stability of his times and a wealth of wisdom in my husband. This man has proved faithful to me in so many many ways over 28 good years. He is one of the most stable people I know in the midst of all life has thrown his way and that's been a whole lot, especially this past year. I've watched him closely even when he is not aware. I have listened to his heart. If he is stable, and he is, it's because the Jesus in him is stable and Bob has bought into that big time. He really trusts his Lord in adversity. I know. I see it. You should ask him how he has made it to where he is today---allowing his Savior to be so stable, so sovereign in his life. You really know well the ones you live with day in and day out. You see their strengths; you feel their weaknesses. God knew what I needed, what He wanted for us, 28 years down the road. I needed a stable man this year when my world fell apart. This is one stable man whom God has given to me. All we have is today and however long God gives us breath. I want to finish well with this man as sweethearts together advancing His Kingdom. One of Bob's loved verses is found in John 4:34 --- our food together is to do the will of Him who sent us and to finish His work.

Happy Birthday Bob Brandon, a stable man.

Happy Anniversary, my Sweetheart!