I went to pay for my gas purchase at the Quik Trip. I counted out $5 in change with trembling tears streaming down my cheeks to buy enough gas to make it home. I wasn't crying over the gas issue. I was so deeply touched by my beautiful God and you know all those tears are in His record. That's what I read last night. Psalm 56:8 Record my sorrows; list them in your record book, God.
You see, I was driving home from work this afternoon--- a sub job on this precious day, assisting in teaching students with severe cerebral palsy and it was SUCH A JOY. I so sensed the presence of my God in me to serve them. The world is not worthy of these precious ones. Hebrews 11:38. (This verse makes me think of my friend Cyd!) I held my tears until I got into my car and silently prayed for the families these beautiful kids were going home to see. Will they be cherished, adored, and treasured tonight? Yes, they will! Their Heavenly Father will do just that for them.
Back to the gas station story. I didn't count my change right. I had just come back from stopping at the eye doctor and my eyes were not seeing correctly. The clerk told me I was short. Well, I can always go check the seat of my car for coins that fell through. That sounds so pitiful. But it was all the cash I had on me. And the clerk turns to me and says---don't worry about the rest of it. Just go on....when do gas stations say don't worry about paying the rest of the money???
I stopped at Target on the drive home. I knew the smell of popcorn would overtake me as I walked in. So I rummaged through all compartments in my car to find one dollar for popcorn and a coke. When I went to pay at Target's food court, it happened again. I only had half of the dollar. Let's blame it on my brand new glasses that I just picked up from the eye doctor. I haven't had real glasses since last summer when I lost them. But, the prescription is messed up. I can see far away and mid-range great, but the close up range is far TOO STRONG. They can't adjust them until next week---ouch. I have already fell once thinking a step was there and IT WASN'T. LOL. And the clerk looked at me (no tears in Target) and she said. It doesn't matter that you don't have the right amount...just go on and have it. It's only popcorn. When does that happen???
I have a special table where I stop and sit at this Target, and invite my God to say anything to me that HE wants. Can't pass it by without asking HIM to talk to me. Tonight HE said to me that "getting rid of my issues" was a false god for me. I'm trying to force things to happen. There is something I am believing that is just not true. Enter into what makes that thought of getting rid of my issues seem reasonable to me. I have to let go of wanting resolution and things to work out well with my husband and children right now. I need to trust. Attach. Let HIM strip me off of myself. Whew. I got up in peace and gratitude for it is the kindness of our God that leads us to repentance. Romans 2:4.
As I approached my car, it happened again---in the Target parking lot! Someone slipped into my hand a $20 bill and I simply lost it at that point. I am so grateful to God for providing my needs and my wants. But more than all that, I am so grateful to HIM for showing up in my life and making His Presence known. So grateful to HIM for making me holy and making me care about that, more than I care about life working out in my favor. It's okay right now, in fact it's way more than just OKAY....and I know that's God. Things are really rough right now but there is joy unexplainable. Attaching to HIM and being stripped off of myself. It's such a holy horrendously difficult desirable place to be!
Fashion Friday: Edition gingham style - This is going to be a quick Fashion Friday because I’m a little tired and need to get to bed. But I am inordinately proud of myself for calling it gingham ...
18 hours ago