COME CLOSE

UPDATE: Since Thursday, I have no e-mail access, no cell phone, no land line for those of you trying to reach me. I only have internet access. The blog is the only way you can leave me a message.

Sitting in my tornado shelter singing from The Inside OUT with my 75-pound border collie on my lap and my sweet sixteen year old boy by my side. We were just sprayed with a shower of hail ice---what was that? Of course, my boy had to keep running to the window to see the blanket of hail. They predicted baseball-sized hail so we had the candles and chairs and blankets and the boy tucked in the hall. Turned out to me more like marble-sized hail.

When the sirens went off...
Britt was driving HOME from swim practice for the first time alone behind the wheel. HE GOT HIS LICENSE!!! I was already praying for him but I must say that it drove me to deeper dependence when I heard that old-fashioned siren blare and my boy wasn't home yet. Whoa! He wouldn't answer his cell...you can't when you are 16 and driving. Would he pull over? He walked through the door and I whispered a thank you to my God!

I have just gone through several days of training for a teaching job at our local public high school. Tomorrow is my 7th day of interview/training with no pay then I can start on Monday. Losing 7 days of pay has been very difficult. I am grateful for a full-time position but when I start on Monday, I won't see a paycheck until June 31st. I have thought so many times about the story of Hannah...and Eli seeing her mouth moving. And I keep moving my mouth and listening to what God is saying to us in all of this. I can't get over the fact that Hannah walked away and was sad "no more" even though her circumstances didn't change. That's what I long for and surrender my desires to my beautiful God. I used to think I had to abandon my desires but God just wants me to yield them to HIM and His purposes.

And where I am today is such a good place, a very hard one---but I am finding my God in ways I never knew before. I want God more than I want understanding. I want God more than I want guidance. It used to be guidance was what I was after---tell me what to do God with my kids, my ministry, my problems. But, no more. It's intimacy---that's what I am after. Sure, I need guidance. Sure, I need healing. Sure, I need friends. Sure, I need answers. But, in this new place of surrender I am not demanding guidance or understanding---I am coming away with a deeper holiness and that is God!!!! I'm not responding the same to my husband, my children, my world...I am finding such a better place than ever. Titus 1:1 - we are servants of the Word of God for the faith of His people and for godliness, changed lives. I'm so indebtedly grateful to HIM!!!

I guess I can abandon my storm shelter. Makes me think of the verse we read last week that we can live under the shelter of HIS Wings. Help my unbelief. Help my fears. Deal with my striving. What a gracious, magnanimous, awesome Father and Friend we have! He's here!

Last night I went to hear John Eldredge speak in Dallas and I could have left after his first two words and walked away with such treasure. He said that he thought his talk could be summed up in two words: COME CLOSE. God so spoke to me. Reminds me of Hosea 12:6 - Look to HIM and expect HIM to do much in your life. He's waiting for you. He adores you. The verdict is already out. So wherever you are tonight as the rains come down in our town and maybe in your heart, know this. Whatever is not happening for you is not a verdict of His love. You are secure by His Work, not yours. Please continue to pray for us---I need that so. We want to hear His Voice and we are desperate. Beth Moore said to me "your desperation is a gift." That meant a lot. He's longing to have compassion on us all - Isaiah 30:18. I can't thank you enough for your prayers. My Love to you and your family, Bev