Went to the Tomb---HE was not there!

Day 7 in Israel
Stood inside the tomb at the Garden.  HE was not there!  Mark 16:5 We looked to the right, yes we did, inside the tomb, and there was a young man sitting on the right side dressed in a white robe and they were alarmed...Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth.  He is not here.  He is Risen!

Visited the Pit where Jesus was lowered down into the prison as he awaited interrogation by the Sanhedrin. 

He carried a 210 pound six-foot high crossbeam down Palm Sunday Road.  My Savior, a Man of Sorrows and Courage. 

I only have about 2 minutes to write this blog today...but I will be back.

Larry shared with us the 7 sayings as we sat in the Garden.  We stood in time past.  We are in a battle present.  He will return.  So we lean forward.  It was not possible for death to hold Him back. 

"Managing My Life or Glorifying My God"

Day 6 in Israel
Saw the cave where David hid from his father King Saul.  Amazing that a child has to hide in fear of his life --- from the hand of a father who really never came around.  David learned to love his father.  He didn't shrink away.  Didn't distance himself.  Didn't hide in his heart.  The wilderness is amazing.  To think that the Israelites wandered 40 years when it could have been an 11-day journey is, well, just like me and what I deal with. 

Jogged down to the sea and ... Stood at The Dead Sea in its surreal salty stinging sea as the sun set.  The Lowest Spot on Earth.  Surrounded by blistering vast spanse of hundreds of miles of desert.  We had just been to Masada, a desert stronghold, where they holed up to protect their very lives---but it didn't work.  Read Psalm 62 standing in their little church.  My soul waits on God.  I shall not be shaken.  On God my Glory rests.  Pour out your heart to God.  He Alone is our stronghold.  Pillars crumble.  Earthquakes shatter.  God is my Refuge.

Larry spoke tonight on "The Managed Life."  Here is what he said:
What does it mean to be spiritually formed?  Truth can feel offensive at times cause something in us needs to die.  Am I living a managed life?  If it's working---there's no way to avoid pride.  We can't keep all of the law.  We have been given a better hope.  Put first things first and 2nd things are thrown in.  Put 2nd things first and you lose both (C.S. Lewis quote).  There is a better hope by which we draw near to God!

God gives us trials and people in our lives for sanctification.  Do I turn to spiritual disciplines?  Lexio Divina?  Do I manage my life, my wounds? So wanting my children to turn out right---for me to do it right.  Wanting my ministry to turn out right.  Or am I glorifying God...there is something underneath my pain.  When I am in trouble, how do I get out?  You know, I got stuck in the elevator yesterday for 10 minutes.  Alone.  I was literally screaming for help.  Could this be from God a forming experience for me?  Where sin abounds, grace abounds.  Radical Repentance.  Celebrate Calvary. 

Hosea 7:14 Am I wailing on my bed or crying from my heart?  Do I have a right to certain blessings?  Have Mercy rather than fix me.  The more we are formed, the more we relate like Jesus.  Radical Christianity --- committed to the well being of others.  Brokenness.  Repentance.  Release the Life of Christ. 

What is the center of our soul?  The center that I feel is terror.  But my center is a longing for the Hope.  There's more to you and me than our sin.  Search the center to long for God and persevere and not be controlled by my fear of elevators, my fear of failing, my fear of not making an impact.  Have Mercy, O God!  Fill us with Hope to lead a resurrected life!

Groan Inwardly. Wait Eagerly. Love Well.

Day 5 in Israel

The tears fell when we descended the steep Palm Sunday Road. Jesus did this for me, for you. The Garden of Gethsemane---no words to convey the 2,000 year old grotto of betrayal. More tears fell as our eyes fell on the Rock of Golgotha symbolizing the crucifixion. More tears fell at the Wailing Wall. To stand there with your face flat on the wall hearing the wailing of those nearby caught me so off guard.  Thousands of people come here every single day 24/7 to pray to our God.  Jesus loves Jerusalem.

 

Larry shared with us on the steps of the Psalm of Ascent as the sun set in Jerusalem this Sabbath Day. 

Here are some quotes that touched me deeply:

"You have been graced with a disaster that your soul requires to find its way back home."

"Does your thirst for God sustain you more than your experience of God?"

"You will experience God by the ways you relate."

"The richer the Spirit's work in you,

the deeper our ache will be.

The deeper our ache,

the stronger our hope,

and the more certain

our sustaining joy

which is Spirit produced

and not reliant on blessings now."

"Groan inwardly.  Waith patiently.  Demand nothing now.  And God will sustain you with joy based on hope."

"The degree to which I can love others produces Hope that has nothing to do with how others treat me."

The sun set and the words remain.

 

Back at the hotel...

I got stuck in our hotel elevator for 10 mins. on the 9th floor in Jerusalem about an hour ago.  I have claustrophobia.  It was a l-o-n-g ten minutes.  There are places where I am not free and that is one of them. 

 

Groan Inwardly.

Wait Patiently.

Love Well.

 

 

The White Words

Day 4 in Israel
"God fully revealed the Truth we must know and believe to the Servant He chose to most greatly suffer."  Walking in his well-worn paths this day is overwhelming.  The beauty these people sought smacks so much like our day, our times.  Yet they missed the most Beautiful One of all.  The King of Kings was not honored on the ancient expensive Beit She-An city. lined with marble and mosaic floors and walls and towering Roman columns.  Today it lies in expansive archeological ruins.  Saul was killed and hung on the hilltop.  I climbed up that hill----gives you chills to see the spot. 

Armageddon---a dreadful word.  The Valley of Megiddo holds such significance as the Last Battle between Good and Evil will be fought here.  Rev. 16:16.  Seeing the past, experiencing the present, beholding the future. 

Joppa...home of the beautiful Tabitha.  Peter brought her back to life.  Oh my goodness.  We stood at the home of Simon the Tanner.  It is an amazing thing to experience the black words of Scripture and the white words of Scripture---all those gaps, all those blanks that we must fill in and live.  Truly live!

"The Black Words Come Alive"

Day 3 in Israel
On our way to the Sea of Galilee.  On my left is the city of Migdal---that's where Mary Magdalene is from.  On my right is the Gennesaret Valley.  Oh how the stories come alive.  Larry said someone told him that it is the "black words" that come alive when you walk into Israel.  We all know the "red words."  As we entered Capernaum, Home of Jesus, we found the ruins of Peter's 4,000 square foot home where Jesus reclined most of those 3 years according to Israeli lore.  And Jesus' second public miracle was here.  Remember, the royal official's son was healed as he lay in this town and Jesus was in another city.  The black words come alive. 

Tabgha is on the western side of the Sea of Galilee, 3k south of Capernaum.  Everything is so close in proximity.  Jesus walked over here and found his first apostles.  We stopped to pay homage to the place where Jesus multiplied the Loaves and Fishes.  This verse has meant so much to me over the past 4 years because as I pondered what on earth I would do to find God...HE was finding me, and protecting me from harm and carrying me.  Nothing touched me that He didn't allow and He stood me back up again!  5 Loaves and 2 Fish. I wept as I witnessed the stone set under an altar in a chapel symbolizing the miracle.  And it was a miracle that God lifted my head and stood me up.  And stood me up He did indeed!

Larry's sermon on the Mount of Beatitudes was this:  Larry drew me to the heart of God just as that leper sat on that hill listening to the sermon on the mount knowing that he was not healed.  The leper found Jesus after the sermon not knowing what He would do.  God healed him.  But the point of this is that the leper was drawn to the heart of God even before he was healed.  Ohh!  Larry humbly spoke:  You are blessed if you are poor and down to your last dime (I can relate to that one) and if you are spiritually a beggar for you are in a protected place where no harm can reach you.  Larry went on to say:  "Life doesn't consist of relationships but it consists of getting people like you to better relate.  He told of a friend of his dying from cancer who said:  "This is my last chance to love Jesus Christ in pain." 

Larry asked, Where are your markers?  Are you no longer demanding fair treatment, offering mercy to those who don't deserve it, martyred to your own narcissism?  He said his professor said in his old age and Larry says the same:  "I'm just beginning to understand."  Jonathan Edwards:  "The purpose of the Gospel is to communicate the happiness of Jesus to His Followers."  Was Jesus only happy at the Canaan wedding and with Mary & Martha or was He happy not because of His circumstances but because of His willingness to obey God on that Narrow Road.  Do we reflect the character of God and serve His Purposes not matter how our spouses and children act. 

I visualized that leper listening---I'm just like that leper needing to be healed.  But I am a little more dependent on Him than ever before and that's a very good place to be.  We ended today at the Jordan River and several of us were baptized in the cold still water.  And the dove rested---incongruent for our character but not for His.  Larry said at the baptisms:  "You rise up out of the water never to a God Who will never have an ounce of anger towards you.  You are loved.  Your future is guaranteed.  The pressure's off.  You no longer live to get it right." 

We closed the day with a boat ride on the noble Sea of Galilee looking into the towns on the hill where we had just walked, just a mile away.  The waves of this sea carried both Peter and the King of Kings as He walked on water to rescue his sinking disciples screaming for help in their fishing boats in the midst of a terrifying storm.  It was pastoral and peaceful on this day.  But our hearts hold a few storms and our Master showed up as we sang and wept aboard our boat "Worthy is the Lamb." 

Standing in the Past, Present, and Future

Day 2 in Israel
Standing in the palace that remains of Herod the Great and the story comes alive.  This palacious place is painfully breathtaking and heartbreaking.  Paul was sentencted to 2 years in prison right here.  It's a narrow road for Paul following Christ.  And it's a grateful invitation to join the Bigger Story, the Unimagineable Work that Christ was doing in this place for me and you to truly live this day. 

We are in Caesarea and it's the place where Cornelius accepted Christianity and opened a door to his own people.  On to Mount Carmel, 25 miles long and 20 miles wide.  We stand in this present moment at the very top of the mountain, looking at past days gone by from Galilee to Tiberias to Nazareth all in one panoramic glance.  The towns are so close.  And our minds go to the future day when HE is coming back right here.  The Present, the Past, the Future in one frame.  And Jesus says to me what He said to Elijah who stood on Mount Carmel praying for rain:  "Come Near."  It's the cry of my heart and yours....come near, o Beautiful God.  Today, let it be known that our God will answer us!  And if you can't find God in the place where you are, Amos 9:2,3 says:  If you climb to the stars, God will find you and bring you down.  If you hide out on Mount Tabor, God will find you even there and bring you back. 

We passed through the valley where the chariots of Barach assuaged the footmen of Deborah, Judges 4.  The footmen had sticks for defense.  But it was the rain that turned the terrain into mud to confound the chariots and riders.  And it was Deborah who said:  Don't be afraid.  God will deliver you.  I don't know what you are going through this night but our God is saying to you and to me to not be afraid for His Deliverance draws your way this very day.

We arrived this evening at a gorgeous Tiberian hotel to a delectable buffet, really.  The end to an 85 degree day that lasted long and imprinted our hearts.  Come Near to Me and I will Come Near to You.  And I'll end with the question Jesus asked in Caesarea:  "What is the reason you are coming to Me?"  The answer found on those pages in this palace:  We are here in your Presence to listen.

No Sin Can Destroy My Desire for God

1st Day in ISRAEL
Arrived in Tel Aviv, Israel today. The airport overlooks the Joshua 10:13 verse...it's the place where the sun stood still and the moon stopped til the nation avenged itself. Kind of takes your breath away to see the beauty in the moment.

The hotel is increible overlooking the Meditteranean Sea. The buffet was like cruise quality---unbelievable spread. But what draws me in tonight is the people on this tour. 134 friends of Larry Crabb for this 66 LOVE LETTERS tour. Have already wept with old friends and laughed with new friends even shedding a few tears with them too. Loved meeting Lisa tonight at supper---the conversation is just so good with people who are so willing to deal with what is stirring in their hearts. The old and new yet seems like we've known each other all along the way.

This is an Israeli computer I am on. Everything reads/types from right to left so I am a little dyslexic plus time-driven. But what captures my soul this night is a quote from the 66 LOVE LETTERS book: “My Power is more evident than ever in your desire for Me that no agony of soul or fall into sin can destroy.” What a Good God who understands our frame. NOTHING can separate us from HIM. So encouraging to me as I gaze into the endless sea to know that my sin is counted against me. And all these desires within me that are good ones are from Him. He is drawing me to Himself in spite of myself.

Britt is Out of the Hospital

CT Scan showed secondary infections.  Pray for Britt that his body responds to the IV antibiotics he has been on for the past 48 hours.  To watch a strapping 6'4" kid turn lifeless overnight has been pretty scary.

Britt was released from the hospital and is on his way back.  The otolaryncologist admitted Britt to St. David's Hospital Thursday morning, drained the abscess on his tonsil, and hooked him up to a couple of IV antibiotics and potassium chloride.  I've never seen any of my children so sick.  How did it happen so fast?

You know when you send your child off to college, you've been with them every single day of their life since birth.  You know them through and through.  And in one send-off, it's not that way anymore.  But, it is what we raised them for---to be independent and move into life on their own.  I just loved the chapter we just closed.  And we don't have any more kids around the table at home for dinner each night!

Britt called Monday night and said he had a sore throat and fever.  His dad took him over to the college infirmary on Tuesday and they diagnosed the flu.  Wednesday night he called me back and said he was about the same and needed another doctor's appointment. Kind of odd---he never wanted to stop long enough to go in for a doctor's appointment.  So, I canceled work on Thursday and picked him up at 9am and he looked awful.  Our family doctor took one look in his throat and said:  "Bad news.  You have to have this abscess on your tonsil drained.  It's an emergency because it is blocking your breathing and eating."  And that was just the beginning...

The otolaryngologist put him in the hospital.  Britt had not been able to eat since Tuesday.  I watched my boy literally sink way down deep in just 24 hours.  You see how much we are not in control even if they are with us every day.  He belongs to God and He is watching over his every breath.

I just received a text from a good friend that her brother-in-law just lost his battle with cancer.  Oh my!  As we waited for the CT Scan to come back, I remembered how just one report changes things for you.  This CT was good news for Britt for the multiple infections he has are treatable. 

I don't want to live by good news/bad news and find my rest in that.  I texted my friend back 2Chron 20:15 that the battle is God's and He has already won.  Won for all of us whether we face good news or bad news.  I will have no fear for my heart is steadfast trusting in the LORD.  Britt looked up at me at one point on Thursday with tears in his eyes and said:  "I am costing you guys so much money right now.  I'm so sorry."  Are you kidding?  I'd sell everything I have to help my boy get well. 

I've been reading through the Gospels and so many came to Jesus begging for healing.  As long as we don't demand in the Presence of a Mighty God, we can keep on asking and asking and asking. Can't we?  So, here's my request, dear God.  Would you make my boy come back to his full health again????  Thank you so much for raising him up.  And thank you to each one of you who prayed for him.  He is on an array of meds for the next two weeks.

I've been thinking a lot about this quote:  "Because of My Son, no failure of yours can block My Plan for your life."  I think it's on my mind because I've been up against several failures in a row.   "He is Worthy of your losing everything you value in life in order to know Him, to serve Him."  We've just lost things like stuff---like health insurance and tangible things. "The more clearly you see Christ, the more willing you will be to suffer any loss for His Sake.  Kingdom living consists of radical servanthood (the end of entitlement to personal comfort) and self-denying suffering with the hope of joy forever." 

Waiting with you in Hope for a Beautiful God to show up.  He is!  So grateful for my boy and what God is doing among us.

GOD'S GOT YOUR BACK

Looking for another opportunity this Sunday.  God is moving us on.  A softer way to say we both need new jobs.  Opened my Bible to the reading for the day and it was Lamentations 3: 22-30.  God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God.  He's all I've got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst. The Message. 

I took to heart the words to "Go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don't ask questions.  Wait for hope to appear."  I drove down I-20 in Arlington looking for a quiet place.  Drove around for about an hour when I saw a Starbucks with no cars in the parking lot. It was kind of a country road. I slipped in to order a sparkling water and solitude.  Alone but humbled by a Presence.  Fragile but full of Courage.  While waiting for the teenage girl to ring up my order, a male voice behind me spoke up forcefully across my shoulder addressing the barista.  "Ma'am, I just want you to know that I came in here to sit at your table right there.  Is it all right if I just sit?"  The barista graciously nodded her approval and offered the gentleman a cup of water.  "No,"  he replied, "I just want to sit at that table."  The table he was referring to was right next to my table and he proceeded to sit with his back toward me.  He sat rather still for about an hour.  Never moved.  Didn't talk on a cell.  Committed to that chair. Couldn't tell you what his face looked like but his back is imprinted on my mind's eye.  He wore a dark grey t-shirt and jeans.  On the back of that t-shirt were very large letters with a saying that I'll probably remember for the rest of my life. In fact, it took my breath away when I read it. The back of his t-shirt read, in ALL CAPS, in about a 4-inch font, the following words:

 

2 Chron 20:15 came to mind.  The battle is not mine.  He's watching my back.  It's His battle. 

 I long to be more taken with my unholiness than my pain. 

"Do not live to arrange for your own satisfaction.  Repent of your self-provision. 

Trust Me, in every moment of suffering." 66 Love Letters

2 Chron 20:30 - And God will give rest on every side.  He's got your back! 

All I can deal with is my own stuff in life.  My motives.  My intentions.  My failure to love.

It's a good thing to quietly wait in Hope for a Good God to show up. 

He was at Starbucks today and I think I heard Him say that He's got my back.

Waiting in hope with you as we walk through hard times.