She Speaks ... Proverbs 31:25

Amazing Awesome Awestruck Austin Spring Break!!! 
So why am I crying?

Just delivered my mono-sick college boy to his home under the Supermoon,
brought Britt back to Jester Dorm at the March-Madness winning University of Texas.
Total privilege to be Britt's Mama & "Minister of the Word" like Dr. Luke says in Luke 1:2,
"Minister" - it's a medical term meaning serving under a physician, The Great Physician!
Britt is my caboose and my freighted soul has folded my apron once again this week. 
Why is this so hard to say goodbye this time?

Loved every spring break second of serving Britt who is oh-so-sick since November, and
Loved serving 99 college students my daughter Brooke brought down from UTA for a missions trip
to serve our city's children and homeless and underserved.
Helped cook 60 pounds of chicken and 110 pounds of beef and 10 pounds of brownies and 15 pounds of peach cobbler and ...
the loquacious calories and 99 liminal lives I loved have moved on.
What stirs so heavy my weighted wonderful looming lunar life?

~I long to finish well~
God has orchestrated a transition for us.  It is so God!
We're between jobs, between insurance, between a place to live,
between friends,  between churches, NO LONGER in between cancer...
"Detaching me from Dependence on anything that brings me joy other than Him," 66 Love Letters
Bob lost his church job and we cannot wait to find another ministry to serve!
But we wait on God, Psalm 27:13-14, not on any man.
And I ask myself, is there anything I want more than the Love of my Christ?

For the past three decades in a row, I've had a myriad of children tugging at my skirt and heart.
The moon is rising in my heart, raising four and many more to know Him and live alive!
Speaking and writing, though sporadic, overwhelmed me with such joy
while mothering and ministering and I'd love to go back to speaking again.
I loved every esoteric exigent ineffable chapter we just closed
and it's bothering me that's there are no re-runs.
O God, help me face this new opportunity to love my husband,
love my world with fearless courage (Phil 1:9 Moffat).
So what is the Beautiful God I so adore stirring inside of me?

This I know...
It's not what happens to us along the way
but what happens inside of us that matters for Eternity.
And it's a Beautiful God that is so stirring up Hope and Confidence in all the messes I've made.
C.S. Lewis once said:  "No man knows how bad he is until he has tried very hard to be good."
I'm seeing more of the sin that resides in me, Rom 7:18, that I never ever dared dream was there,
and at the same time, seeing oh-so-much-more hope within that I never dreamed I could live in! 
And I worship! And it's my fears that cause me to worship The Messiah of My Dreams.
And I want! To walk alongside others and offer hope and courage and dreams.
And I wonder!  Do I really hate my sin more than my suffering? 

So, that's why I'm entering this opportunity to win a Cecil Murphy Scholarship to attend the She Speaks Conference this summer. Renee Swope is the kind conduit of composing this Psalm 45:1 kind of offer: http://www.reneeswope.blogspot.com/
She Speaks, click http://shespeaksconference.com/, is a once-in-a-lifetime learning opportunity for writers, speakers, and ministry leaders. 
Editors and industry professionals are close-up and personally available with advice and direction.  If God is stirring words and wit and wisdom in your heart, this conference is the place to be in July.  We all only have this moment, this life to leave a legacy, make a mark, reach out with redemptive rhetoric. If you've held tightly any thoughts of writing and speaking and ministering in leadership, then check out Lysa TerKeurst's blog http://lysaterkeurst.com/ and meet an amazing woman who is a "minister of the Word" (Luke 1:2).
Titus 1:1 says that we are all servants of the Word of God for the faith of His People and the Knowledge of the Truth that leads to changed lives!  Mine and yours!  I so want to finish well!

So what are these tears for? 
When is the Last Time the ordained moon didn't rise? Psalm 8:3
When is the Last Time He refused to be good to you and to me?  Jeremiah 33:20
My God is about to do something new. Isaiah 43:19
Would you pray that I find Him in these present sufferings.  Romans 8:18
I so miss my kids under the dine of every shining moon!

99 Spring Break Students + Britt = 100

They say "no news is good news."  Who is they?  My oncologist has not called with the results of my latest scans.  Waiting...

Meanwhile, I sit at Seton Hospital waiting for my youngest boy to be X-rayed for pneumonia, again.  He's had it since Christmas. Why can't a strapping young boy fight off walking pneumonia?  Mono.

From the swamped hospital waiting room, I swipe my own doctor's office for results. There's James on the end of the line:  "Mrs. Brandon (who is holding her breath), Everything looks normal.  Markers are stable."  Breathe out.  And I believe it's quite all right with the God I so adore to hold my breath for a second or two to see what's next. 

For my joy, my rest comes not from cancer-free news or job-of-the-decade news or even a job.
Isaiah 30:15 "In Returnings and Rest,
In Quietness and Confidence, my Strength is in You. 
It is good news that my cancer remains within a normal range.  My tumor markers won't go down to zero because of metastasis.  But these are just numbers, mere information, and I wait on a very Good God, no matter what.  Test results are not our hope and joy, only He is.

Britt's home for Spring Break, sleeping the week away, trying to recuperate...we'll see what the doctor says.  And we'll keep on praying for good health.  In the waiting room...

Brooke and her BSU staff are here in A-town all week.  She brought 99 students.  99 UT college students!!!!!   From the other A-town. Here to serve our city!   Britt & I helped serve roast & potatoes last night and then the worship---touched my soul deeply!!!   Here are kids who are truly waiting on God. 

This emptynester is like off the charts in spring-break-week-off excitement having two of mine own HOME. I miss my kids more than I can ever say.  Three straight decades of children tugging on my skirt and heart and not a day off! They say it will get better...hmmm.  On my way to go help cook dinner for the 99.  You know I am ecstatic! 

Isaiah 30:18 - The LORD longs to be compassionate on every one of us.  Britt asleep. Tsunamis ravaging oh so many.  The tsunami photos are horrificly chilling to see a city obliterated in a city minute.  Praying God's Compassion on all.

We wait, not on any test results, not on any man.  We wait on a very Good God Whose Eyes run back and forth the whole earth to show Himself strong, 2 Chron 16:9.  To me and to you!  Will our lives cause His Eyes to stop?  Please stop here in ATX as we cook, dear LORD.

Happy Birthday Baby Blair

It's The Day You Were Born...
I remember it like it way just yesterday...
Another baby girl and this mama couldn't contain her Joy...

I laid lifeless on the gurney after giving birth...

Lost two-thirds of the volume of my body's blood for you...

The blood of a stranger kept me safe in place to live to mother you...

It has been unspeakable joy to walk this life with you...

A Little Girl so Curious ~

Mommy, what do the Catholics believe? What do the Methodists believe? What do the Mormons believe?  What do we believe? 

A Young Girl so Compassionate ~
Can we help my friend who is losing his way tripping in his darkness without his mommy's help---for she's with You.  Can I sit with my friend who is making really bad choices and needs someone to believe in him?  Can we give our money away? Can we talk to every single person we see?

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A Becoming Woman so Committed ~

Can I make a difference in my world?  Can I choose to see from an Eternal perspective?  Can I keep these African babies close to my heart?  What about making a life on Capitol Hill that dents into policies?  Can I serve constituents and communities and charities and care about things like human trafficking?

A Beautiful Married Woman so Chosen ~

Will you let me give my heart to the one I love?  Will you walk with me through thick and thin?  Will I find Spousal Love from the God I so adore?  Will you always be with me?

Blair, I've never loved you more. Never thought I could experience what I have with a girl like you. You're so beautiful to me.  "No good thing will He withhold from you for you walk uprightly."  Grace and Glory!  Thank you for the best 26 years of my little life.  You've made this mama fulfilled, happy, loved!  Happy Birthday Baby Blair.  Yes, you will always be my baby girl.  You may live under another roof, another's love, but I will love you  forever.  And every night, I kneel in my empty nest house and whisper a prayer to the God we Worship and Adore for Iron Rod Strength for you as you find your Rest in Him Alone. Psalm 62:1.  And may you hear Him say Two Things for Baby Blair:  I am so Strong in your life.  And I am so Loving to you.  Psalm 62:11.  His Strength, His Love, Always! 

Happy Birthday My Love ! 

Your Family Loves You
More Than Tongue Can Tell

All My Love on your Birthday, Mommy

Isaiah 50:4 is for you this year.

Farewell Fort Worth

Farewell Fort Worth, I'm leaving Beth Moore's taping at Life Today.  Leaving once again my hometown of 31 years where God has spoken to me over the past three decades.  Humbled.  Oswald Chambers wrote: "What is needed today is not a new gospel, but live men and women who can restate the Gospel of the Son of God in terms that will reach the heart of our problems."  Just sat watching 3 live people, Beth and James and Betty, speak about the Kingdom of God and touch deep places and problems in my own heart for such good, for such a time. 

Farewell Fort Worth, headed back to my new home, Austin, where God has called us. We will stay there til our God moves us on. We are in the midst of transition, Bob and I both are looking for full-time jobs.  Waiting on a very Good God.  Didn't expect to be at this place in our lives at this age but we are both "Living in His Presence in the Present"---that's a James quote.  And WE know Romans 8:28.  Beth and James talked about the Kingdom at hand and it so stirred my heart.  Beth shared Matthew 13:15 about how callous hearts don't understand the mystery...and how the Greek word meant:  understanding the puzzle pieces causes me to see something.  And, I think I saw something that moment that I didn't see before.  I know I did. Beth spoke of preaching the Kingdom and healing the sick and my God is so healing me. Standing up to His invitation.  And James ended last night saying:  "Don't look for ministry, release ministry."  The Kingdom is within you and me, a very present reality.

Farewell Fort Worth, I'm "Trusting Truth not Feelings" as Beth shared this morning.  When Beth turned to Psalm 57:1-2, I knew that God had me in mind when He breathed those words of David in a cave fleeing from Saul:  Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.  Cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me." You see, I am hidden in a cave waiting for a Wonder of a Beautiful God to stop by.  He has. He is.  He will. I Cor 2:7 "His Secret Purpose framed from the very beginnning is to bring us to our full glory." And the next verse He wrote in 2:9 says:  No eye has seen.  No ear has heard.  All that my Friend, the King has prepared for me, for you, because I love Him in this cave...and I trust Him in this cave... and I'm on my way out of this cave...and I'll keep on believing He is a Good God, no matter what.  

Farewell Fort Worth, I hold your stories in my heart.  I'm forever changed because of the Mighty God I met here who goes with me.  Beth ended with Hebrews 10:35-3 "Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.  I'm coming home Austin more convinced that through the "sifting of God's Good Hand, He has purposes of fulfillment" in what He is doing in my life and in yours!  Hello Austin!  The Kingdom of God is at hand here...

PS - So privileged to meet five siestas for the first time: Donna and Holllie R. and Melinda and Tiffany and Janelle.  What a thrill to see Holly Smith for the first time in two years.  What God has created through blogging friendships is beyond blogging words. 

The Messiah of My Dreams

Novice winds blow armaggedon hard in ATX, it's 18 degrees.
It is a season of no words for me yet holding Hope as I wait to thaw out of a tight place.

Night terrors washed over my Sunday sweet sleep.
I couldn't stop the tumultuous thoughts.
Just sweat it through and wait to thaw.
You see HE is the God-of-My-Tight-Places ~ Psalm 46:10.

And The Living Letters of my friends Annette & Holly & Deborah
bid me bloom forth like Lazarus in Spring ~ unwrapped, unearthed, undone ~ 2 Cor 3:3

Blogging Friends like Ann Voskamp give me Hope
She let me borrow her God Who never failed to send Spring.
 I hang on to the Present Grace for
When was the Last Time the Sun didn't dawn or set at the right time?
When is the Last Time God refused to be good to me, to you? ~ Jeremiah 33:20

The Messiah of My Dreams sends forth His Word through new friends in a Voskamp camp and old friends gathered at Rock Lake Ranch and He melts my heart like snow in spring and heals me and I don't know how I'm any different this moment than I was a day ago.
But I am. ~ Psalm 107:20; 147:18

Frozen pain and Fresh problems remain. Always will.
The Present Grace is Who Stirs in me as I read you while the Living Word reads me.

Christmas Eve 2010 "The Unfolding Grace of God"

Merry Christmas from Bethlehem. As I sit in the renowned town square of the Little Town of Bethlehem, I reflect back on this past year of challenges in Austin that we will long remember. 2010 ranks as one of those exigent years, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything because a very good God showed up. We found grace in our desert. Beautiful Wild Grace! We met a God Who was out looking for us in the desert – Jeremiah 31:2. We faced serious health issues, unexpected unemployment, and mounting financial pressures. 2 Cor 4:16-18 (The Message) reads my heart: “We aren’t giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without His Unfolding Grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the Lavish Celebration prepared for us.” “The Morning Star is visible when the darkness is deepest” - 66 Love Letters. There’s far more here than meets the eye. And it’s all because of the baby born in Bethlehem---a God Who has so invaded our lives and brought immense peace and rest in the midst of confusion and chaos.

It was a year of “letting go” of people and decades. Bob had the immense honor of marrying our oldest son, Barrett, to the lovely Lauren Bailey of San Mateo, California on a cold sun-kissed Sunday in Austin. We recovered slightly and then Bob married our youngest daughter, Blair, to the honorable Patrick Walsh of Atlanta, Georgia on a rainy but stunning Dallas day. A few weeks later, we sent our youngest, Britt, off to college at the University of Texas with much gratitude for a full ride. Brooke is at the other University of Texas in Arlington serving on their BSU staff. We have had children at home tugging on our skirts and hearts for the past three decades in a row. No more. Bob and I miss them so!

The real battle of this decade was not fighting for good health or landing in financial peace or finding the fulfilling ministry or job with benefits. No, the real battle is what is going on inside of me as I face life, face my loss. I jogged this morning along the Sea of Galilee thinking about the disciples frantic in the middle of a raging storm while Jesus slept through it. 2010 was a liminal place for me where God was speaking to my fears, even this very day, just as He awoke in the boat to speak to the disciples’ fears 2,000 years ago. I am on the 66 Love Letters Tour in Israel---an unbelievable gift from a dear friend. The message Larry spoke here was: “Groan inwardly. Wait eagerly. Romans 8:23. Demand nothing. And He will sustain you with joy based on hope. The degree to which I can love means my hope has nothing to do with how others treat me.”

Phil 3:12 says: We are all not yet what we long to be. We are waiting and watching with you, dear friends, in Hope for a very Good God to show up this Christmas and New Year – Lamentations 3:21-23.” God has been good to us to this very day and will keep on doing us good for all our days of 2011 - Jeremiah 32:40. I’m longing with you to love well this coming year. I long to finish well! I long for many to find the peace that only our God can give! My prayer for each of you in 2011 is found in Philippians 1:9-11 – We pray that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but love well. May we see our lives from His perspective. “The unexamined life isn’t worth living.” Socrates

We are very grateful to have had the privilege of knowing you. We decided not to send out Christmas cards this year---for the first time in three decades. We did want you to know that God has used you in our lives to stir our faith. Because of the Baby born in Bethlehem, we are standing with you in the Wide Open Spaces of God’s Grace - Romans 5:2. May His Unfolding Grace be multiplied in you in 2011. There is so much more here than meets the eye. “The hopes and fears of all the years, oh come to us This Night!”

We’d love to see you in 2011. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. Written by Bev for The Brandons
Bob, Bev, Barrett, Lauren, Brooke, Blair, Patrick, and Britt - sixbrandons@gmail.com
P.O. Box 90814, Austin TX 78709 * Bob’s Cell 512.541.5772 * Bev’s Cell 817.915.6769

"Simply Irresistible"

My two boys are at the Heisman in New York, compliments of Wendy's.  Britt finished his first semester of college and they left Thursday.  It's weird not having children at home anymore after three decades.  Britt comes home on Monday from New York and I just cannot wait.  They are all coming next week for Christmas and the 8 of us will be together here in Austin for Christmas week.  My prayer is out of Phil 1:9-11 (The Message) that this Christmas we not only love much, but that we love well. 

We don't have extra money this Christmas to spend cause of just going through cancer. And I have to throw in that the latest health update couldn't be any better.  Cancer bills did deplete our savings and we had to go to creative means with being in job transitions as well.  God knew.  No surprise there.  God has so blessed us with earthly blessings unimaginable but they are "second things" as C. S. Lewis calls it.  It's the spiritual blessings, those "first things," that have me on my face before a very Good God this Christmas!

I write to say that a Beautiful God showed up for me in Bethlehem 2000 years ago and He was back there again last week.  God so took me by surprise in Israel.  HE so stirred up some things in my heart.  I've never been more attracted to the possibility of becoming a more meaningfully mature Christian.  More than ever!  I'm more spiritually ALIVE than ever!  Paschal wrote:  "The Gospel to me is simply irresistible."  It is.  More so than ever.  I wonder why?  Chalmers said:  "It's the expulsive power of a New Affection."

In 66 Love Letters, the author writes that the joy Christ offers grows in the soil of emptines and brokenness.  That's where I've been.  "In My Spirit's Hands, your felt emptiness will become a consuming thirst to know Christ.  Your agonizing brokenness over the ongoing corruption in your soul will transform into overwhelming gratitude for My Son's forgiveness.  It is empty and broken people, who at the same time are thirsty and grateful, who discover the power to live in ways they never thought possible."  That's it.  I couldn't put it in better words what God has been doing in my life these past couple of years.   Empty.  Broken.  But God is allowing me to wrestle with Him over the sin in my soul that is transforming me.  Overwhelmed in gratitude for His Forgiveness.

God is helping me to see what is clearly wrong in me more than what is wrong in those closest to me or what is wrong in the churches I am familiar with---no, it's what is wrong in me.  And He has been so gracious to help me experience the Power to face what's wrong in my own heart and discover His Power, Resurrection Power, to grasp how long and wide and deep and high is His LOVE for me.  Eph 3:17-19.  I have a long way to go.  And it's His Kindness that is leading me to repent. Romans 2:4.  I love Him so!  He is deeply encouraging me, way down deep, in the midst of some unsettling circumstances.

Happy Thanksgiving from Bethlehem

Day 8 in Israel
Stooped into the cave where Jesus was born.  Surreal surroundings.  Oh Little Town of Bethlehem in such disheaval. The Shepherd's Field nearby.  I wept as I faced my own sinfulness.  Romans 2:4 - it's His Kindness that leads us to repentance.
 
Shared a Thanksgiving Meal with my 134 new friends.  Quite the feast from a 50-foot salad banquet table to succulent artichokes to tempura turkey to an array of 22 desserts and Roman gelato.  But it was the conversations, the precious people who shared what God was forming in their hearts this week, and Larry's word to us that meant so much this Thanksgiving Day.  For 2 Cor 4 says God is shining Light in our hearts so that we can see the Glory of God and reveal His Glory by the way we relate.  "Being committed to the well-being of others at any cost to ourselves."  Repentance is in order.
 
May you reveal Christ to others.  May you release the Beautiful Christ in you this Thanksgiving Day! 

Went to the Tomb---HE was not there!

Day 7 in Israel
Stood inside the tomb at the Garden.  HE was not there!  Mark 16:5 We looked to the right, yes we did, inside the tomb, and there was a young man sitting on the right side dressed in a white robe and they were alarmed...Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth.  He is not here.  He is Risen!

Visited the Pit where Jesus was lowered down into the prison as he awaited interrogation by the Sanhedrin. 

He carried a 210 pound six-foot high crossbeam down Palm Sunday Road.  My Savior, a Man of Sorrows and Courage. 

I only have about 2 minutes to write this blog today...but I will be back.

Larry shared with us the 7 sayings as we sat in the Garden.  We stood in time past.  We are in a battle present.  He will return.  So we lean forward.  It was not possible for death to hold Him back. 

"Managing My Life or Glorifying My God"

Day 6 in Israel
Saw the cave where David hid from his father King Saul.  Amazing that a child has to hide in fear of his life --- from the hand of a father who really never came around.  David learned to love his father.  He didn't shrink away.  Didn't distance himself.  Didn't hide in his heart.  The wilderness is amazing.  To think that the Israelites wandered 40 years when it could have been an 11-day journey is, well, just like me and what I deal with. 

Jogged down to the sea and ... Stood at The Dead Sea in its surreal salty stinging sea as the sun set.  The Lowest Spot on Earth.  Surrounded by blistering vast spanse of hundreds of miles of desert.  We had just been to Masada, a desert stronghold, where they holed up to protect their very lives---but it didn't work.  Read Psalm 62 standing in their little church.  My soul waits on God.  I shall not be shaken.  On God my Glory rests.  Pour out your heart to God.  He Alone is our stronghold.  Pillars crumble.  Earthquakes shatter.  God is my Refuge.

Larry spoke tonight on "The Managed Life."  Here is what he said:
What does it mean to be spiritually formed?  Truth can feel offensive at times cause something in us needs to die.  Am I living a managed life?  If it's working---there's no way to avoid pride.  We can't keep all of the law.  We have been given a better hope.  Put first things first and 2nd things are thrown in.  Put 2nd things first and you lose both (C.S. Lewis quote).  There is a better hope by which we draw near to God!

God gives us trials and people in our lives for sanctification.  Do I turn to spiritual disciplines?  Lexio Divina?  Do I manage my life, my wounds? So wanting my children to turn out right---for me to do it right.  Wanting my ministry to turn out right.  Or am I glorifying God...there is something underneath my pain.  When I am in trouble, how do I get out?  You know, I got stuck in the elevator yesterday for 10 minutes.  Alone.  I was literally screaming for help.  Could this be from God a forming experience for me?  Where sin abounds, grace abounds.  Radical Repentance.  Celebrate Calvary. 

Hosea 7:14 Am I wailing on my bed or crying from my heart?  Do I have a right to certain blessings?  Have Mercy rather than fix me.  The more we are formed, the more we relate like Jesus.  Radical Christianity --- committed to the well being of others.  Brokenness.  Repentance.  Release the Life of Christ. 

What is the center of our soul?  The center that I feel is terror.  But my center is a longing for the Hope.  There's more to you and me than our sin.  Search the center to long for God and persevere and not be controlled by my fear of elevators, my fear of failing, my fear of not making an impact.  Have Mercy, O God!  Fill us with Hope to lead a resurrected life!