Sunday, August 9, 2009

God will wipe away our tears & the sweat of our brow

I just read the 19 comments from my last post all at once and am sitting here weeping, literally. I so wrestle with my weaknesses and see places in my heart that I think maybe the Gospel has not touched (that's a Paula Rinehart quote). I so long for Him and see how far I am sometimes. Then, even as I sit here, I see places in my heart where He has so shown up for me. I couldn't be any more grateful this night for what HE has done in my heart during these past six weeks of radiation. My Good God is making me a little less demanding, a little more dependent, a little less detached from anything for my Source other than Him. One more week of radiation to go.

I thought radiation would get easier as I adjusted. And I feel a pressure that if I was really walking with God, it would be better. Well, I am walking with God---He has me in tight places. My God is abundantly available in very tight places! Psalm 46:1-3. This past week was the hardest yet, partly because they upped the dosage of radiation for the end, since my margins were not clear and cancer remained in my chest wall. Sometimes I am exhausted to the point of collapsing. But the sheer terror inside of the machine is what gets to me. And the sheer terror of encountering a beautiful God is so there every single day. I have cried more tears this week than any other. This morning, Bob preached and he shared a quote from the Willow Creek Conference that he and Brooke attended this week. It went like this..."God will wipe away our tears and the sweat of our brow at the same time." A tender thought to me. Jesus sweat drops of blood to resist temptation---something we all know not.

I've been trying to remember all day what song we sang in church this morning that made me so want to worship Him. As I sat to write this post, the song just came on my Ipod (out of about 300 songs) and I didn't even know it was on there. God keeps doing that! "Open up the skies, fall down like rain. We don't want blessings. We want YOU." I sang it from the depths of my heart this morning and again tonight. I have so been touched by Divine Love in that radiation machine for 33 times, I can't explain it. "Here we go, let's go the Throne. To the place where we belong. Right into His Arms." All I can say is that He has so carried me through these six weeks in His Arms. And I pray that He will fall on me this week, fall down like rain, so I can finish what seems impossible to me.

If I finish on Friday, I will leave on Monday to go to The Cove in North Carolina for a conference. It's been in the plans for 3 years, Lord willing, and I don't know if I can make it. I'm burned from the higher dosages. But, I'm asking! I cannot thank you all enough for praying for me. I keep hearing about people I don't even know who are praying for me and that touches me so deeply. I've thought about the Good Samaritan in Luke 10 a lot lately. You've bound my wounds, you've poured your words and love on me, you've taken me into your heart, you've paid for things for me, you've taken care of me. And some of you have never laid eyes on me. Jesus asked the lawyer in the story, "Who proved to be a neighbor?" It's you!

My sweet girl Brooke is sitting two feet away from me as I type. It's been such a precious 2 weeks with her here. She has so helped me---cleaning out my closets, driving me everywhere, doing daily loads of clothes and dishes and stuff for her mommy. But more than that, she has made me laugh in the midst of my tears. She leaves in the morning for her stateside missionary assignment in Arlington, Texas. Brooke will be serving on the staff of a college ministry, mobilizing college students to do mission work. She'll be close this year and that makes this mom pretty happy. The IMB will provide her needs, except that she does need to find her own car for the year. I think we should say that God needs to find her a car! If you know of anyone who would like to donate a car to a non-profit or loan one out for a year, let us know. That's a big request---out of our reach! May Brookie bring these students the Word as it is in her heart! My prayer for my sweet girl: Joshua 14:7.

And it is my prayer for each of you this beautiful night. May you bring the Living Word to many, as it is on your heart!


jennyhope 8/10/2009  

I just hurt so much for you. you are so precious to me. I can't even imagine what you have had to go through! I love you Bev. Praying!

ageffert 8/10/2009  

I have seen strength in you these past weeks that were not there before. I have seen grace and submission through you, with every step. He'll wipe away every tear and the sweat of our brow "hits me where I live." He knows it's hard work to live a life glorifying Him. Sometimes we fail. But if we look, we always find Him. You are almost there, my friend. And I'm still praying for healing and your peace amid the storm. Love, Annette

Toknowhim 8/10/2009  

You are the real deal, and I love you... Kim

AngiGahler 8/10/2009  

Bev, your words pour out of you in a beautiful way that touches the deepest parts of my spirit. Thank you for sharing your painful journey with us. It has brought encouragement into my life and I am sure many others. God is so great! I will be praying all week for you in these last treatments - God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”- Psalm 46:1
HUGS! -Angi


Bev thanks for the update will continue to pray for you and Brooke as she gets a car. You are the real deal. I would like to ask one thing would you please pary for me I am in a tuff situation right now. Last Sunday a young girl ran a red light and total out my car and among that I have injures from this so I have missed work and am going to the dr.
and now I am car less as well and no money to buy one. Thank you, you are an encouragement to me and I do know Our Sweet Saviour will provide for us and take care of us.
Love Your Seista Carol Albuquerque Nm

Dee 8/10/2009  

Good Morning, Bev,
I have truly missed you the last two weeks. I have wondered about you and prayed for you. I'm glad that the end of the radiation is in sight for you. I do pray that you will be strong enough to attend the conference. Your praise is so sweet. You have brought blessing to my life. Thank you for your honest example. I'm so happy for your sake that Brooke will be near by this year. One of my daughters moved back to my town last summer. It has been a precious blessing to me to share in her life and in the life of my little grandson.
Love to you,

Mary Lou 8/10/2009  

Sweet Bev, I so prayed for you last week. You were on my heart every day and some nights. Now, I know why. Thank you for your post and asking us to pray and how to pray. I will continue to pray for your healing and for the radiation too, to drive the cancer out of your chest wall. What a beautiful blessing for you to be able to go the Cove. Praying for you and yours and sending hugs and love to you. Psalm 91:1-4....Mary Lou

Sharon Brumfield 8/10/2009  

We have been walking together this past week even if you did not know it. Each time I get on my blog and see your sweet face....each time God brings you to mind....we walk together by His Spirit.

I am so glad that you have had your girl home with you during this time. It is amazing how He moves things around just in time to encourage our hearts.
And I know that because He IS FAITHFUL....He will provide a vehicle for Brooke. And His name will be glorified by us His children.....because as we see His hand move...we get to know His heart a little better.
I pray you are overwhelmed by His mercies....He loves you so!

twinkle 8/10/2009  

Even if you have to be drugged out of your mind, go to The Cove. My heart tells me this is God's will for you. Go. Be carried. Use a wheelchair. But GO!

And I am thanking God for sending your angel, Brooke to make you laugh!

I was comforted by these verses last night, so I am sharing them with you. They are from The Message Bible.

Romans 3:27-28

So where does that leave our proud Jewish insider claims and counterclaims?
Yes, canceled.
What we've learned is this:

God does not respond to what "we" do; we respond to what "God" does.

We've finally figured it out. Our lives get in step with God and all others by letting him set the pace, not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade.

Bev, that just takes so much pressure off of us, don't you think? Let him set the pace. Respond to what He does. I just loved that.

Take care and know that many are praying you through these last treatments.

He heals all our diseases.
By His stripes we are healed.

Look at His back on the cross, Bev. Look at His back. Those stripes are for your healing.
Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him.

yvette 8/10/2009  

I love you! Still praying for you. God will provide what you need...because He LOVES you, Bev.
Love, Yvette

Anonymous 8/10/2009  

I am praying for miracles in your life today! The miracle of hope, the miracle of faith, the miracle of provision, the miracle of joy no matter the circumstances, the miracle of strength that comes from that JOY of the Lord, the miracle of his healing power at work in your life....
With much love
Kristen in Fort Worth...
please tell Brooke to call me once she gets to town.

Rhonda 8/10/2009  

He is all over your heart! Will be praying for Brooke.

Anonymous 8/11/2009  

Bev - You have such a beautiful heart, and I feel like I learn more about God through you. Thank you for your authenticity and for showing us more of the Lord. I love reading your blog, especially during the middle of the night feedings. I am praying for you to find peace and rest in the midst of the fear this week. Love you, Cici

Kristin 8/11/2009  

Praying for you sweet Bev!

Kim V 8/12/2009  

Still praying for you and following your blog. "We will OVERCOME, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony."

I am coming upon my 2 year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis and am doing great!!!

twinkle 8/12/2009  

Picturing Jesus wiping away your tears and your sweat drops...

Kodak moment.

I believe your tears will be diamonds in your crown. And your sweat drops will be rubies in your crown.

He's placing that crown on your head right now as I'm picturing you with Him. And there you go! Laying that crown right at His beautiful feet. What an intimate moment of pure love.

He is in your times of suffering, performing His best work.

Praying for you and asking for miracles and blessings to come your way.

Sharon Brumfield 8/13/2009  

Praying for you this morning.
Love ya sister!

Praying for Our Friend Joanne Psalm 131:3 Waiting on God. Hope Now. Hope Always.

House of Blessing Tribal Childrens Home

House of Blessing Tribal Childrens Home
"Whoever welcomes a little child in My Name, welcomes Me." Matthew 18:5 We have posted pictures of the orphans receiving their gifts from you. Scroll down to the post entitled "Today Was the Big Day." Many orphans didn't own anything of their own, but now do, because of you.

My Family

My Family
Britt, Blair, Bev, Bob, Brooke, Barrett


I've met some amazing women through blogging. I would love to hear from you. My personal e-mail is:
I have another blog where I blog daily as a small group of us read through the New Testament this year. It's called A String of Pearls. We carry each other on mats (when we just can't walk anymore) to Jesus and sweet things like that.


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