31 - "Dazzling & Dreadful" Exodus 40

They have done it. In a wilderness! Six months. White-hot.

And the cloud covered the tent. No ordinary cloud that a sun could peek through. No ordinary happening that a day would start when the cloud went up. No ordinary obedience that a million men would freeze under that cloud. Dazzling Light by day. Dreadful fire by night. 

And we know the end of this story. These Israelites did not make it into the land of Canaan. They did not take care of their souls. I wonder why. This cloud, this fire---tokens of God's Very Presence among them so that they need not ask: Is God among us? But wait, I must ask the same telling question of myself: Am I really taking care of my soul---allowing God to be My Provider, My Glory, the Lifter of my head? 

And God possessed the Tabernacle.  He moved in.  He lives there.  Forever now.
That Shichaneh glory is here forever.  
"Whenever the cloud lifted from above the tabernacle, they would set out; but if the cloud did not lift, they did not set out—until the day it lifted.l"  Exodus 40:36-37

I find no better words to express the beautiful invitation to be led in "the midst of the paths of judgment." May our souls not wander. May we not lose our way, lose the way.

PHOTO:  A Colorado Cloud.  Thinking about the tokens in our lives of God's Very Presence.  Longing to allow my God to take care of my soul.  

30 - "You Have A Forerunner" Exodus 38-39

The sacred sanctuary...Moses breathes a sign of relief that all the work of all the designers is done just perfectly. Exodus 39:43. 

Dear Ones and Bristol, The ways in which they went about their work, just marvelous.  We are not hidden people living behind walls, stiff-arming the world.  We are known by God, known in our communities, known for our good.  May we work generously like they did in Exodus:  "Cherubims of cunning work."  Work hard kids! Follow the example of your grandfather---Pops. One of the hardest working men I know. Just don't make it your identity. Make it your goal. 

Used to be they would follow the pillar of light and fire by night.  Now, the shechinah glory entered through and passed into the most holy place, the presence-chamber.  God made Himself visible through light and fire.  Well, we know.  Dazzling light and dreadful fire.  And, we now know what Moses could not do.  Through Jesus, the forerunner, we have been invited to draw near and approach, even boldly, the mercy seat.  This place was made with hands.  Our place is no longer made with hands for God Himself is the true tabernacle and in Him dwells all the fulness of the godhead.  It is truly amazing.  We are invited to come boldly today and always and forever.  Amen. 

PHOTO:  Your Grandmother with a whispered prayer tonight for all of you that you find the Forerunner and do His work. 

29 - "One Thing We Need In A Wilderness is Hope" Exodus 35-37

Do we approach our tasks this way, knowing it is for God?  Wonder why.  They brought so much to build the temple that Moses had to restrain them to stop. Exodus 36:6.  Moses could have kept the profits in his back pocket, his back neighborhood. Could have stored it up, in a wilderness, for the next job. No, The Lord put in their hearts to work, and it stirred them up.  Exodus 35:34 - God put in their hearts to teach how to perform like this.  I mean, who had ever built a tabernacle before?  And the wilderness is not exactly where the best supplies could be found.  Never the mind, they set about to do their exact work.  Whatever God has stirred in our hearts, may we run to do the work out of a debt of love not labor.  Here it is.  The visible testimony of their love of God.  And one day that Love walked this earth, the Living Word.  Word made flesh, and He still tabernacles among us.  

One quote keeps stirring in my heart.  As these craftsmen worked their labor of love, as I work out my labor this very day, may we all hear together that One Thing that a man in a wilderness longs for----"not relief from the misery, although that would be nice, but Hope---Hope of intimacy and Meaning, and Joy forever, in relationship with God." Larry Crabb.  It's a man-made tabernacle but God lives there.  And He tabernacles today inviting us into a deeper relationship with Him than we had yesterday.  May we never stay the same but move on in this wilderness.

The building of the sanctuary begins. The work of called ministers embraced. Do the work God called you to. Exodus 36:1. Used up, laid up not. Their hearts were stirred by God and they answered with their talents. Do the work from your heart!.  

PHOTO:  It's modern day.  The work is the same.  Hard work.  Do the work. zeal!  What work ethic!  What thoroughness! 

28 - "God's Thoughts Are Fixed; God's Dispensations of His Providence are Alterable" Exodus 32-34

But Moses sought the favor of the Lord his God. And he reminded God of how He brought the troubled people out of Egypt with His Great Power and a Mighty Hand. Didn't God already know that? And Moses told God what the people would threaten and say: "It was plain wrong, just evil, that God brought them out to kill them in the mountains and now wipe them off the face of the earth. Why is he doing this to us?" So, Moses pleads: Turn your back on this, God. Don't let it happen. Remember your good servants. And then there it is in Exodus 32:14, the answer: "Then, the Lord relented and did not bring on his people the disaster he had threatened."  

Hey Kids, Are God's thoughts or the determinations of His Mind alterable?  "He can change the outward dispensations of His Providence, or His methods of acting with men" according to Henry's Commentary.  But the thoughts of His Heart are fixed and firm to all generations. Matthew Henry. We understand from our perspective what it means to change our minds.  God dispenses Grace here---no fickle change but He relents His Hand.  May He do so on us this very day.

"My Presence shall go with you; and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14.  The original Hebrew left off "with you."  Moses, along with each of us, needs confirmation if this is a promise for the person or the people.  God assures.  He will give rest in the midst of pressing perplexities and he will give rest to the present people, then and today.  I could live with this verse tucked in the pillow of my heart every night.  Sweet dreams.  Sleep in peace knowing His Presence comes; His Rest is real.  Am I really finding rest from the demands of my day as the sun closes Sunday.  What does it look like in my life to be at rest?

PHOTO: Circa 2023. Brooke and her family.

27 - "All In! Attendance At the Throne" Exodus 29-31

 #27 There I will meet with you and speak with you. Exodus 29:42. A new covenant. Here on This Day, I will meet with you and speak with you. To this very day, Christ lives to make intercession for His Church. #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself

Every morning. Every evening. A lamb offered upon the altar. Continual intercession. To this day. Christ lives to make intercession for His church. Every. Single. Day. “So I will consecrate the tent of meeting and the altar and will consecrate Aaron and his sons to serve me as priests. Then I will dwell among the Israelites and be their God. They will know that I am the Lord their God, who brought them out of Egypt so that I might dwell among them. I am the Lord their God." Exodus 29:44-46. Must we offer to God the sacrifices of our praise and prayer? Daily. Every morning. Every evening. "All in" in attendance at the Throne of Grace. He is waiting, listening, welcoming, loving. Ever making intercession for you and for me.

There I will meet with you and speak to you.
The old covenant.
Dependent on offerings.
But One was made on your behalf.
Here I will meet you and speak with you.

A new covenant.
He is Here not There.
So what's the point for my life this day?
Changes everything this Word of God.
So if He is Here, can I live like this?

Exodus 29:42 - "There I will meet you and speak to you; 

There also I will meet with the Israelites, and the place will be my glory."  

He used to be There.  

Now He is Here with us.  

May we find Him.

Because lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow cold.  Matthew 24:12.  

Isn't that our world today---such decline of morality, true religion.  

So much love grown cold.  

May we be vigilant...watch and wait for He is coming back for me, for you.  

PHOTO:

26 - "Keep the Light Burning" Exodus 26-28

Dear Sons and Daughters, Keep the light burning in your hearts forever.  The lamp enlightens all of us---a light to lighten every step of the way.  And this passage says unto the ends of the earth.  So, listen to this Word of God in whatever you face today.  Keep the light burning in your heart.  Exodus 27:21

Moses went into the midst of the cloud for a very long time.  

Moses experiences utterances too deep for words.

Moses descends and speaks only the things which God told him to specifically say to the children of Israel. 

Never before.

No house had ever existed for God.

This tabernacle, erected by Moses, will be a token of the Presence of God.

Right there smack dab next to their tents in the middle of a wilderness.

No more will they need to ask if God is with them?  He will be right there.

And the tabernacle will move with the tents.

This sacred place made with human hands are simply a "figure of the true." Heb 9:24

And one-day, today, there will be "a gospel-church pitched" by the Lord not by man.

And Christ will enter the Most Holy Place by His Own Blood,

obtaining Eternal Redemption for you and for me.  Heb. 9:12.

No more will we need to ask if God is with us.  He is right here.

Scripture interprets Scripture

PHOTO: 4 guys on a bike in Buena Vista, Colorado. Bob, Luke, Barrett, Britt. It's snowing everywhere even here in DFW. Keep the light burning in your hearts. Always.

25 - "An Angel Goes Ahead of You" Exodus 23-25

Dear Kids,  Something just happened in this hospital bed.1.24.16. There will be much you don't understand.  Pay very close attention when God suddenly shows up.  He did for me today as I stay overnight here in a hospital.  “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared. Pay attention to him and listen to what he says."  Exo 23:20.  You never know when an angel might show up.  Her name today was Barb.  God spoke through her about prioritizing like the ER at a hospital.  Prioritize by proximity and eternity. There are angels ahead of us.

 Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land." Exodus 23:30. And this is for us. Listen. Little by little God is working. 

PHOTO:  Angels then.  Angels now.  I stood here a few years ago so moved by the experience.  And yet, here I am at a hospital, moved again.  For it is the One from the Beginning of Time who holds us.

24 - "Looking Bad In The Presence of Love" Exodus 20-22

 #24 God wrote the Ten Commandments not to make us feel guilty but to lift us up to Himself. God wants to write his law on our hearts. We want to write it on our to-do lists. Exodus 20:20. Don’t be afraid. God has come to instill a deep and reverent awe within you. 

          

Not Even A Likeness of An Idol

Not Twitter or Facebook or Ministry or Children

My friend, Larry, once told me that God had Moses write the Ten Commandments, "not to beat you down into self-hatred over never getting it right, but rather to lift you up into the liberating experience of looking bad in the presence of love." We are fully known, accepted, and loved even in the midst. Sinful Sinners. Glorious Messes.

We will, day-in day-out, feel hungrier for something other than God in our lives, at times.                    We'll never fully depend on Him and Him Alone!  So many signposts tell us we are off the tracks.  Do we listen?  Or do we rationalize?  Someone close to me said this week that going to church doesn't make you a Christian and that's oh so true. Since the pandemic hit, there are so many, many Christians who have not returned to church. The context of the conversation was about my father who never darkened the door of a church in his lifetime.  If you don't want Jesus here on earth, do you want him in the afterlife? My dad had a strong sense of morality from what I saw.  Does your morality save you?  No, but where did that morality come from?  10 Commandments draw us up and that makes us want to worship.  

Moses writes the 10 Commandments not to make us feel guilty about the do's and don'ts.                      God gives us This Word to free us up. Exodus 20:20 Moses spoke: Don’t be afraid. God has come to test you and instill a deep and reverent awe within you so that you won’t sin.”

God called Moses to walk up a sinful mountain. He had a big errand for the messenger Moses. The Maker of Heaven & Earth and all above and all below called out to a proud people who were not walking in holiness. God wanted to write His Law on their Hearts; we want to write His Law on our To-Do lists. 

This solemn sermon served this church in a wilderness resounding "to convince the Israelites (and our lives too) of their guilt, and to show that they could not stand in judgment before God by their own obedience. In the law, the sinner discovers what he ought to be, what he is, and what he wants." Matthew Henry. The sermon trumped the law. "In drawing near to God, we must never forget his Holiness and Greatness, nor our own meanness and pollution." MH We are a mean people.

The Israelites were not aware of their own sins ... and God spoke.  No one had ever heard anything like these Two Tablets of Truth. Sounds like God wrote to this day, as our own sins so deface our hearts, nd we do not name what we are doing. We don't name the idols that we wrestle with: Social Media. Children. Ministry. Success. Money. Recognition. Good Things. Anything in the heaven or anything beneath the earth ... or under the sea, anything that flashes the likeness of an idol and detaches us from our Maker. 

Let the manna rain down and expose our own hearts and name what we are doing under the sun that keeps us from a genuine Hunger and Thirst for God.

 Never in history has God chosen to speak like He did through giving Ten Commandments that envelop the intentions and thoughts and motives and demands of our lives. Someone once called it the  "Grand Demand of Love"—-it springs from obedience.  And to obey, may we have no other idols before---none in heaven; none in earth. God was before everything and we owe him everything.  God still speaks to us through His Providential hand, our consciences, His written Word but only two tablets once!  And we all have defaced the tablets.  And we get ourselves in messes.  I sit in a mess I have created today.  And yet, we all have clean slates for the grand demand.  Keep on loving each other.

PHOTO: Bob walking on Santa Rosa Island. 

No other idols in heaven or on earth.

23 - "Detached From Everything That Numbs Your Sacred Hunger" Exodus 17-19

From Rain Clouds Fall Manna - Exodus 17:7

From Lips Fall Teaching Like Rain - Deut 32:2

Just as Jethro's words meant something to Moses, I met a couple of friends several years ago, and their words have fallen on me, gripped me so, changed my life. How does that happen? I had spent much of my life denying the evil within me, denying the pain I feel just about every day. I had given over to way-too-many thoughts that I couldn't see God's Power in five miscarriages and rape and loss of finances and loss of ministry and loss of friends and I could go on. When things go wrong, there's that entitlement within me that says I need a break, deserve better. Enough, LORD. Here are these Israelites in that kind of a boat. God hears their grumblings, mine too. He gives them manna---40 years worth. They couldn't horde it, couldn't hold it over. He forced them to go to sleep at night and trust that it would rain down the next day. He forces you and me to go to sleep this night and trust His Good Hand. Forces us to rest physically and spiritually. God give all of us the desire and power to live on the manna given this day. 

The drama of the first eighteen chapters of Exodus shows the lengths God must go in order to free weak and helpless people from bondage to an evil power greater than themselves.  God will detach you from  everything that numbs your sacred hunger for Him and makes you feel hungrier for something other than Him."  66 Love Letters.  

God's mercy has led me to repentance.  Mercy triumphs judgment.

PHOTO:  Walking the shore in Bridgeport.  Under the Mercy.

22 - "God Fights For You" Exodus 14-16

Dear Kids, the people were terrified. 

"There was no way open to Israel but upward."  

Just like us, they were "troubled on every side."  

Some cried to Moses; some cried to God. 

Henry said let's get above our fears and let them quicken our prayers but not silence our hope. They thought it would have been better if they had died, that's how desperate it can get at times.  Reach down deep.  Move upward.  Stand Still on the inside. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exo 14:14. Don't ever give up. 

PHOTO:  We never know what we'll face in a lifetime.  This little fella was born into a crazy world and yes, ordained by God.  May all my children cry out to God in their need.  Life isn't about pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps.

21 - "God Is Doing Something This Moment For You" Exodus 11-13

This history is amazing.  God led them all the way here. And He is leading you to the place where you are today.  I think a whole lot about Brooke's verse in Acts 17:26---God determined your boundaries.  I wish they all lived in my city. Beyond thrilled these lives intersected with mine.  All blessings come through the shedding and sprinkling of blood.  God is doing something new here as he delivered this people, and you and me.  The blood will be a sign that their houses will be passed over, delivered by the blood of the lamb. Exodus 12:12-13 ... “On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn of both people and animals, and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. God have mercy on us if we find any idols in our hands---may we let go.  I am the Lord.  The passover.

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. Exodus 13:17.  For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea."  Sometimes it is in the closet of the wilderness where God leads us.  Not the surest safest shortest route.  But the way that is close to His Heart.  The right way.  The will of God.  Who am I to question His way.  It's always the best way in light of eternity. 

God makes all things new to those He calls to Himself.  But that dreadful night, all were asked to come to God's terms, not their own terms.  Same for the day that we live for---we shall answer the greatest question ever asked of us.  May we live for God's terms not Bev's.  And the scene is this:  Three days and three nights in the horror by darkness.  Yet, the light broke a far more terrible calamity----their first-born struck by a plague that reached from the heights of the castles to the depths of the dungeons.  No one was exempt.  And that's how it will be on The Last Day.  May we live on God's terms this day.  

PHOTO:  God led our tiny little family all the way here. To the places where we live and breathe.  May we find Him there.

20 - "Never Assign Tomorrow What You Face Today" Exodus 8-10

#20 To live for this life bows our head to the temporal not the eternal. Exodus 9:3. You cannot live every day for one gold medal. Submit not knowing the outcome. The finger of God writes your story. Exodus 8:19.  But the Pharaoh still didn’t feel the wrongs in his “person.” 

                                                                And the whole river turned to blood.  And little Barrett stirred a pot in a party kitchen at a brand new friend's home---the kid was Eric, I remember.  "What are you cooking?"  And the toddler replied: "Blood."  And this momma was forlorned. What am I teaching my kid?  Barrett's reference was actually Exodus 7:20.  Barrett thought what God did was so cool.  Moses and Aaron obeyed God.  In the sight of Pharaoh, Aaron lifted his rod, smote the waters, and the whole river turned to blood. 

"See the mutability of all things under the sun, and what changes we may meet with in them.  

That which is water today, may be blood tomorrow." M. Henry. 

It is the rampage of evil that leads to turning our waters into blood.  

May we all live to obey because of the overall Ruler, not because of any Rule.

Behold, the Hand of the Lord was even on the cattle.  And all the mean cattle of the Israelites lived, while the mean cattle of Egypt died.  Providence cared.  Pharaoh hardened his heart. And Providence hardened it furthermore.  To live for this life only bows our heads to the temporal not the eternal.  Two of you kids are professional athletes. They will tell you—-you can't live your life every day for one gold medal.  Live to give. My oldest son said: You can't always be first but you can live your best. God's Hand is over all we are. Will we submit not knowing the outcome.  

Pharaoh didn't feel the plagues in his person. Now, he must feel them in his heart. Exo 9:15. All he can reply to so gracious a God is "tomorrow." I'll put this off so I'm not obligated to you today. But ...

Set your eyes on this day to live! Most people live for when they graduate, or when they marry, or when they buy a house, or have a kid. Don't wait for that day. Live today.  

This is the Finger of God. Exodus 9:19 

PHOTO:  Barrett in his element.  All grown up now.  Clouds hovering over him.  

Dear Children, Never assign tomorrow what you face today. “Tomorrow,” Pharaoh said. Exodus 8:10. Tomorrow, you can pray for me.  Tomorrow, you can set me free.  Tomorrow, you can send the plagues back heavenly.  But not tonight.  And I wonder why.  So puzzling.  So troubling.  So disturbing.  Yet, all we can deal with is our own things that plague us.  Call upon the name of the Lord, Today!

19 - "Do We Love Success More Than God?" Exodus 5-7

#27 Do we love success more than God? What about better circumstances? Moses’ thoughts in Exodus 5:23: “From the moment I spoke in Your Name, things have gotten worse.” How many times in a day do we think: if I do the right thing, then life is going to get better? #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself.        

                                    

There were some places in Moses' heart where Moses loved success more than he loved God. Exodus 5:23 seems to be one of those places: "From the moment I spoke in your Name, things have gotten worse."  What does rescue look like? As I have become older, ahem, more mature, my definitions of Christianity are changing. I wonder if we miss being rescued a lot because we don't recognize it is actually God. I wonder how many times in our day that we think if we do the right thing, then life is going to get better. It may not...it didn't for Joseph not until he was 30 or so...

What circumstances riddle my soul this day?  Will faith be found among us?  The Kingdom is near!  I can wrestle with a Good God just like these disciples wrestled to find faith.  "I can live to give and not to grasp.  I can bring a taste of heaven to earth."  66 LL. 

A Son of Adam, bothered by Satan, not only spiritually (like us all) but also physically.  Followers of Christ, not able to do anything about it.  Do the things of God rest on our hearts with deep conviction? What am I truly convinced of? How can the Truth be instrumental in our own hands of becoming faith in others? By our tiny faith, we will draw out from others the people God intended for them to be. 

18 - "Answer Him By Heart" Exodus 2-4

#18 Can you answer him by heart when he calls your name: “Here I am.” Exodus 3:4 

                                                                    

Moses saw a burning bush but no humans kindling that fire.

Moses heard a booming voice but no face turning over words.
Moses saw no living Being but One burning in that white hot bush.
And that Being called Moses by name.
And that Prince called back by heart.
"Here I Am" replied Moses. Exodus 3:4
The Prince was found in the moment.
Right where he should be.
Am I?

 I AM THAT I AM.  Exodus 3:14. 

Self-perpetuating life. 

Self existent. 

Always the same. 

Incomprehensible. 

Faithful. 

There is none besides Me. 

All have being in Me. 

All wholly dependent, whether we know it or not. 

Holy dependent. 

Resolve to be holy not to try to figure everything out. 

I read the story of Moses and the Burning Bush to Barrett when he was 4 (here he is at 4).

I asked him what he thought Moses was feeling when he saw Someone in a burning bush.

Barrett replied:  Moses was feeling really good!

Barrett---do you think Moses was scared?  

No. No.

To not think about "fear" in that walk-up was beyond me.  

I knew I had a child who thought differently than I.  

When you are exactly where you are supposed to be --- that's a good thing. 

Do not fear, Bev. Know the Voice so you can call back to Him by heart.

Love that 4-year-old kid in this photo. 

PHOTO: December 1985.  4-year-ol Barrett.  2 1/2 year-old-Brooke.  10-month old Blair.

May they know the Voice so they can answer by heart:  Here I am. 

17 - "Be Persuaded. God Will Friend You." Genesis 49-50; Exodus 1

Am I in the place of God? Gen 50:19. 

"Dare I usurp the prerogative of God." Get real.

Dare I soften those who have hurt me by killing them with kindness. Be real. 

Dare I humble myself before people and not think of humbling myself first before God. Live real. 

Benson Commentary says: "Make your peace with God, and then you will find it an easy matter to make your peace with _____." 

Oh friends, think about your own experience with the Wonderful Kindness of your God and be persuaded  He will still befriend you, whatever you've done.  

C.S. Lewis in The Weight of Glory wrote that it is far more important what God thinks of us than what we think of Him.

PHOTO:  Ezri's 2nd Birthday 2/3/16 She is just a darling. May you live knowing God thinks the world of you. You were born in His Thoughts and loved from The Beginning. God is your Forever Friend. 

16 - "Better to Be the Credit Than The Shame" Genesis 46-48

My Dear Ones, Sometimes God's promises move slow in fulfillment.  

It has been 215 years since God promised Abraham that he would make him a great nation.  God is working in your lives.  Let God work.  

Joseph didn't force anything on his brothers who contrived to dispose of him; now Joseph contrives to settle each one into work and a home and a life.  Gen 46:28. An honest living---"it is better to be the credit of a mean post than the shame of a high one."  And that quote from Matthew Henry makes me want to live well where I am, anonymity. Returning good for evil.  May that be the mantra of our lives.  

I'm so touched by Barrett never wanting to throw anyone "under the bus."  Changes the way I do things.  Return good for evil! 

PHOTO:  Barrett, the way you treat people touches me deeply.  Loyal.

15 - "A Bonus From God" Genesis 43-45

Genesis 43:14 And they were afraid of what Joseph thought that the money was back in their saddlepacks. When you do the right things in life, should we be afraid of failure? I love the response of Pharaoh's servant in The Message: "Your God must have given you a BONUS." Wonder if I think that way when such good stuff happens to me? And when Joseph finds the chalice that was planted in Ben's bag, I thought the brothers response was so interesting: "God is behind this, exposing how bad we are." I've been thinking a lot about God exposing me for who I really am that results in such repentance and rest and that's right---it shouldn't be guilt that condemns but guilt that frees us up! ... And when Joseph says to them "come closer" and don't feel bad, "God was behind it. God sent me here. It wasn't you who sent me here but God. He set me in place as a father to Pharaoh and a rulter of all Egypt." Ooooh! That so stirs me up to reflect on things gone wrong in my world...and to know this night that God was behind it. And I was sobbing by the time Joseph wept over each brother in 45:14 and then they could speak and move and be free. What healing! What a beautiful thought for me! Am I weeping over those who have betrayed me and hurt me? Like the guy who raped me. I so want to find a better place in my heart and live that way!

14 - "Live Content To Prove Self Innocent and Don't Upbraid Others with Their Guilt" Genesis 40-42

#14 We must not think it strange in this world if slights are returned for our kindness. Live content to prove yourself innocent—-don’t upbraid others with their guilt.  Genesis 40:23. 

                                                           

More than a decade ago, a forgotten thing happened to me that changed my world upside down forever. I didn't think I could go on. God empowers us and gives us our very breath to fall forward and trust. The chief butler does nothing for Joseph. Genesis 40:23. “The chief cupbearer did not remember Joseph, but forgot him.” We forget about God. God never forgets. The Matthew Henry  commentary says: We must not think it strange, if in this world we have hatred shown us for our love, and slights for our kindness. See how apt those who are themselves at ease are to forget others in distress. Joseph learned by his disappointment to trust in God only. We cannot expect too little from man, nor too much from God. 

Genesis 40:15 is such a telling verse. A story in a tweet. "For I was in fact kidnapped from the land of the Hebrews, and even here I have done nothing that they should have put me into the dungeon.” Genesis 40:14-15. And I LOVE what Matthew Henry says about this verse: "Joseph does not reflect upon his brethren that sold him; nor does he reflect on the wrong done him by his mistress and his master, but mildly states his own innocence. When we are called on to clear ourselves, we should carefully avoid, as much as may be, speaking ill of others. Let us be content to prove ourselves innocent, and not upbraid others with their guilt." Matthew Henry Commentary 

Then, what maybe two years later, an opportunity to interpret Pharaoh's dream comes. Joseph interprets it right! Gen 40:23 - FORGOTTEN a.g.a.i.n. That's 3 major times...forgotten by his brothers; forgotten by the cupbearer; forgotten by Pharaoh. Joseph found something within those four prison walls that could not keep him bound. He found Peace. He found Rest. Am I looking for my circumstances to change or for my heart to find rest in the midst of my mess. Joseph found a good God who didn't deliver Him out of his prison...at least not yet.

Jesus told stories to invite them to come closer. Stories about how the tiniest Mustard Seed will one day be the biggest shade tree ever.  We can be a Psalm1 offering stability and shade to our friends. And how One Beautiful Day - Matthew 13:43  "The righteous will shine like the sun in the Kingdom of their Father."  That so stirs something within me!  There are longings in all of us for One Thing:  

       We are men & women in misery who want only One Thing
       Not relief from our misery (althought that would be nice)
       But HOPE ---
       Hope of Intimacy and Meaning and Joy Forever, 
       in Relationship with Our God
       Who is redeeming our story.                                       66 LL

PHOTO:  I stood here a few months after that January 13th when I didn't know if I could make it.  Alone on the beach.  And an unknown lady walked up to me and said:  "You are going to be okay."  God sends hope along the way. My four children and Ezri spent a handful of summers with me here at this beach and it meant so much to me.

13 - "The Worst Thing Is Never the Last Thing" Genesis 37-39

#17 - The worst thing is never the last thing. So, hold in your heart what God has already promised.  Genesis 37:5                                                                                                     

No words.

And it all starts with a dream that God gives Joseph in Gen 37:5 —- a dream to hold onto. A prospect of hope that he will not be imprisoned forever. None of us will be in our circumstance forever. Then, Joseph waits for word from his father to join his brothers, at the right time.  He readily waits for his command to go.  Do we?  And then what happens...no words for it.  His very own brothers throw Joseph into a pit to perish while they sit down to eat bread together.  That one sin of theirs turns into multiple as they attempt to coerce, hide, manipulate, lie, steal, murder.  One sin teaches them they must conceal it again and again through their whole lives---for they don't change.  They go on ruling their own lives. Joseph goes through unthinkable troubles over decades because of that one sin.  Yet.  Joseph moved through troubles by righteous living, letting Christ reign over a prison.  May Christ reign in our lives today, no matter the circumstances.

The brothers all sat down to eat bread together while their abandoned brother begged for help from the bottom of a waterless cistern.  The brothers shared their water with each other---but how could they trust each other?  Only Ruben showed a morsel of guilt with an intent to go back after-a-while and rescue the tossed away Joseph.  And Ruben was the oldest of the clan---the one with the most reason for revenge, the number one child.  Israel loved his son Joseph way too much---is there such a thing?  Did Israel love well?

"Loved more than the other sons." Genesis 37:3

PHOTO:  A dream to hold in your heart, kids, for a very long time…then…

Nothingness. A pit. A prison. Betrayed by his own brothers. Separated from his father. This won't happen to you. You will be supported by your brothers and sisters. Tell them how much that love means to you. And I tell you that my love for each of you in this photo is more than words can say, my little darlings.
   

12 "Go Back! to the Place Where You Were Dependent on God" Genesis 34-36

#12 Go back to the place where God answered you. Find what’s most alive in you. Genesis 35:1                                                          

                                                                        

Genesis 35:1 "Go back to Bethel," Jacob! You've just "missed" your daughter Dinah unbelievably! Go back, says God. Go back to the place where God answered you. This so speaks to my heart this day as it it did when we received very disrupting news that rocked my world. I didn't want to leave the church and people we so loved! God wasn't in it for us. Was He? The very first couple of pages of 66 Love Letters, Larry quotes Hosea 5:15 - "in their misery, they will earnestly seek Me." I sought God at that moment in my life like never before and He showed up like never before. Maybe, it’s more fitting to say: I showed up like never before.  It's been the best thing that ever happened to my walk with HIM. Really. I Love  Genesis 35:10 where God says He revealed Himself A.G.A.I.N. I AM THE STRONG GOD!

Dear Kids, no matter what happens, God is with you. It's really true.

 Always go back to the place where you were dependent and start fresh brand new again. 

I've hit such rock bottom at times. Never stayed. By His Grace. 

Worship "the One who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with me wherever I have gone.” Genesis 35:1-3. 

... then the story of Joseph is so intriguing and this time I notice a little more that Joseph was arrogant, giving bad reports to his dad. It's a peek at Joseph's heart that is going to change. A peek at my own heart every day when sin shows up but so does God! It seems like I'm always having to go back to Bethel! What's most alive in me this day? What's most alive in you? What am I doing with matters of my heart?

Am I disrupted by the story of John the Baptist and how he learned the unforced rhythms of Grace?  "I should be!  God prefers a flexible heart to an inflexible ritual (Matt 12:7)."  "This is war, and there is no neutral ground (Matt 12:30).  If you're not on my side, you're the enemy...Consider this---"There's nothing done or said that can't be forgiven (Matt 12:32)."  Take heart!  "It's your heart that gives meaning to your words (Matt 12:34)."

PHOTO:  The place I go to ask these heavy questions. Go back to where God has answered you. Go back in your mind, in your heart, to a place. Go back, kids. Photo taken Christmas 2025.

11 - "Live in That Longing Condition" Genesis 31-33

A bargain for a birthright.
Esau owned the birthright by Providence---why wouldn't he want it?
Jacob longed for the birthright by Promise---why wouldn't he wait for it?
It was supposed to be a double portion.
A spiritual birthright of privilege.
A powerful birthright of excellence.                                                                                                           Jacob wanted the spiritual blessings but went about it in an indirect way.                                                    He knew the "smell of the scent" from his tents says M. Henry.

"Those that work with quietness are more constantly and comfortably provided for than those that hunt with noise." M.Henry. Jacob stepped into the opportunity that Esau let slip through his hairy hands.
"If we use ourselves to deny ourselves, we break the forces of most temptations."
Esau reasoned poorly---I'm going to die.
How many times we all are in "longing conditions" and
have to have what is right in front of us. Or, I'll just die.
Better to die in longing then live in the disgrace.
I know that feeling thinking I have to have something.
Nothing else will please me. And I'm stuck in that moment.

My prayer for all 6 of you precious grandchildren is that you will not let your longings rule over you.
All my two-year-olds were like that.  They had to have the white bear their sibling had. They had to never ever be passed over. "What about Me?" echoes through time. 

The cure is the heart.  May we allow nothing to have the mastery of us except One Thing.

Photo:  Ezri's 2nd Birthday Party 2/3/18

10 - "A Signal Token of His Presence" Genesis 28-30

Hey Kids, What sets us up for dreams?  I wonder? Rocks and hard places.                                                              November 30, 2022 - a freak fall set me up.  Laid up way too long.  Back. Knees. Mouth. Nose.                  Last night, the muscle spasms, the night terrors.  

The ingredients of Jacob's Dream:                                                                                                                   * a tumultuous journey; a guilty conscience; no place for his head *                                                             A rock for a pillow.                                                                                                                                          A ladder to climb.

God says:  I am Jehovah, the God of your father and your God.
I will not leave you until I have accomplished all the things I have promised to you.
God is everywhere upholding all things by His Power
and God was here in a special sense. 
A signal token of His Presence darting from the heavens.
Jacob didn't expect to meet God in such a place.
Remember Mary at Christ's elbow and she knew it not. John 20:13.
Now Jacob, God is in this place and I knew it not. Genesis 28:16.
May we find Him today between a rock and a hard place.  

Photo:  The first three grand tokens of God's Presence to me. 

9 - "Live Loosely With The Attachments to This Life" Genesis 25-27

 9 - Live loosely with the attachments to this life. Our chief concern always should be: With Whom shall we rise. (M.Henry).  Genesis 24:1. 

                                                                      

Live loosely with all the Attachments to this life.  Lighten the grip.  Don't be overly spiritual.  Seek after heavenly graces.  Pay your due respect to all, even if they are unworthy bad actors.  Happens every single day.  Those who have the least on this earth still have a grave.  There is a place of burial for each one of us.  Be content where you live.  We can find joy in unfulfilled desires.  Abraham lived contented to be a pilgrim in a promised land.  He lived more concerned about securing the place where he was going. Genesis 24:1 - blessed in every way.   

My church background was Roman Catholic growing up in a house with no mirrors. I would never say religion was what I needed cause I had it in full throttle. We went to Mass Monday through Friday and never missed a Sunday from Kindergarten through High School. I knew what I believed. My grip on life was way too tight for things to happen and people to come through for me. 

"The chief concern is with whom we shall rise." M. Henry. God stood me on my feet in a relationship with Him. I found God. Grasped. Secured.

Because One Day this will all be over.  All this worldly glory will be gone.

All these things we have cared about way too much.

See through the possessions and the physical beauty and the parades and the pomp.

See right through the facade to the Day we live for:

Falling Stars from the sky. 

Darkened Sun under head.  

Forgotten Moon failing to turn on the light. 

Powerful Heavens shaken to the core.

Appearing Son of Man---in the Sky.

Mourning Tribes of the earth.

Watchful Eyes see Someone coming on the clouds.

Sending Angels to gather His Elect from the 4 winds.

PHOTO: My first grandchild. May there be many many more. May they all live loosely with the attachments to this life.

8 - "We Are All Seasick Together" Genesis 20-24

SOVEREIGNTY “But I thought” —- we all have to wrestle in our hearts with the Truth. Genesis 20:11.  If it truly were a matter of the mind, we could change our minds. Are we taking matters into our own hands? What competes with the rule of sovereignty? Do I love God more than my children? More than my ministry? More than my desire not to suffer? More than what is happening to me?

 

Because I thought in my heart that there is no fear of God in this place.  Genesis 20:11.  Therefore, I took matters into my own hands again and said: "She's my sister" so they wouldn't kill me.  Here is Abraham, the faithful patriarch, back to where he was before, deceiving people, throwing people into the path of sin, offering excuses, disregarding his own wife, and not living in that "counted as righteousness" life.  In the Hebrew the verse is translated:  "But I thought" . . .  If it were a matter of the mind, we could change ours.  It's deeper than knowledge, it's our heart that must wrestle with God.  Just like Abraham and Sarah. 

And what does God do?  Forgives.  Gives life after, wait, how many years of no children for Abraham?  36,500 suns will rise on this gentleman's life before the promise lives.  Waited a century.  100 years.  Isaac.  Oh, to wait on God.  Oh, to go to God.  Like the unpretentious unassuming Abimelech, who rose early for directions.  Oh God!

God, You promise us that You will act on behalf of those who wait for You, not for a baby, not for a solution, not even for protection.  For You and You Alone, may we wait.  Isaiah 64:4

G. K. Chesterson once said "We are all seasick together."  Just tell me what I have to do to obey you, God, and I'll work out a way to go do it.  I'll crawl on glass for you. I'll walk a tightrope.  Oh my.  We so want the Bible to be a road map to get us there. We silently scream: Give me the plan and we will do it.

       You and I have need of the strongest spell 
       that can be found to wake us from
       the evil enchantment of worldliness which
       has been laid upon us for nearly a hundred years.               
                               C. S. Lewis The Weight of Glory

Abraham loved God more than his father---he left his father's land and all behind.

He went through so many trials and testings.  Doesn't exempt us from further ones.
It's what people give me the hardest saying about:  they really don't want to hear
that one more thing has happened in my life or their own life.  

Don't even tell me---
is what the mantra seems to be. 

Where does my default thinking end up?  Do I love God more?  Do I love God more than my children?  Do I love God more than people and what they say to me? I didn't think I would end my life struggling with acceptance but I am. Does anyone even want to read anything I write? Probably not. But one child asked me to write. So, here it is with all honesty. 

So, back to Abraham---does Abraham love God more than his precious son, Isaac.
He is about to find out.
Abraham.  God calls his name.
"Here I am." What are are you saying to your servant tonight, my Lord?
No one could be prepared for what was about to happen.
Kill your son, Isaac.
God tells Abraham he must have his son, his only son, the son Sarah wept to bear.  
The son of your laughter.  That one.
Yes, the one who is as your own very soul.

[We cannot fathom taking the life of one of you.]
Do it in the land of Moriah, a 3-day journey for you to consider your every step.
With no known reason like other trials where the reasoning was seen. 

Hey, do we demand to know the reason for the things that happen to us when in unknown territory? Sometimes, I think God is punishing me for my mishandling of life. I used to say that to you all---maybe God is disciplining you in this?  You all never liked that.  Ever.  Wish I hadn't said that phrase.  We aren't being punished for our sins---our sins are forgiven and forgotten.  Mea culpa to my children.  
No delay in any way or form on Abraham's part.
He even distanced himself from his own servants not to intercede or intercept.
A holy willfulness with the heaviest heart carried by any known man on earth.
Abraham bound the hands that had reached out to grab him as his daddy.
The hands that folded in prayer with his dad.  Abraham bound those hands.
The Sun of Righteousness broke through.
Lay not your own hand upon that son.
The answer:  Abraham loved God more than he loved Isaac.
What competes in our heart for the rule of the sovereignty of God?

And a thought and a prayer:  "If You will" - God, please change our hearts.  You see the struggles.  You hear our cries. May we see your Sovereign Hand.

PHOTO: 

7 - “God Rises on Swollen Souls” Genesis 18-19

SWOLLEN SOULS. God opens swollen eyes---there is a well of water in grace. God rises on swollen souls. Genesis 18:14. Is anything too difficult for the Lord? 

God visited Sarah in mercy.  Here it is.  His Word.  Every Word accomplishes His Purpose.

Never was I as sure God had visited me than the births of Blair and Britt.
I could have died in childbirth with Blair ... or never wanted another baby again.
Took me one month to even get my strength back after I delivered Blair and had emergency surgery.
And, I never imagined that Britt would make it through several  turbulent pregnancies. We just didn't know that God's timing would be 7 years later.  God sets the time not parents. 

Abraham and Sarah both stand up in their old age to listen and honor and obey
the God they had laughed at, the God they had lied to. 

These are imperfect people whom God loves immensely. 

When God rises on our souls and we embrace Him, the dawning is inconceivable. 
And it just may be in a wilderness, again, like Hagaar.  Sent there by Abraham.
God opens her swollen screaming eyes.  There is a well of water in grace. What are you doing here, asks the Lord of her life. That Same God that opened Hagaar's blinded eyes will open mine and yours to see God's grace in our loss and love.

Three men came to announce that Sarah will bear a son. They found Abram sitting at the entrance of his folded tent in duty and disbelief. The Lord said: "Is anything too difficult for the LORD? At the appointed time, I will return to you..." Genesis 18:14.

So,

Mattthew 6:1 Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Your Father who sees in secret will reward you when you give to the needy in secret (6:3), when you pray in secret (6:5), when you fast in secret (6:18).  

      Though I may feel empty even this day, I am filled with His Spirit.  
      I will Give in secret from Trusted Fullness rather than
      Grasping for visible Demanded Fullness.
      No matter how I feel or what goes wrong today,
      I can Live to Give in secret and Not to Grasp.
      I can bring a taste of Heaven to Earth.
      Paraphrased from 66 LL

PHOTO: 3 Grandkids at the beach in 2025. No one knowns what tomorrow holds for any of us. Stay with God.

6 - "You Are A God of Seeing" Genesis 16-17

TELLING QUESTIONS: Where have you come from? Where are you going? Genesis 16:13 A God of seeing Who wants me just as I am with all the workings of my heart. A Shield round me. Never assured of full exemption from life. Always assured of full redemption by a Providential Hand. If we trust, it's enough on Earth.

Is there No Hope beside that place where you sit.

Here are those simple telling questions again: Where have you come from and where are you going? Genesis 16:8. 

A servant slave who accepted an advance from her owner.  Abram and Sarah didn't call on God for help. They set out to control their worlds.  They concocted a plan to have a son.  And Hagar, Sarah's servant obliges. And Sarah's jealousy rages when she learns that Hagar has conceived.  What???  Her full-throttle anger sends Hagar to the desert.  

And it is t.h.e.r.e. that Hagar calls the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God of seeing, for she said, 'Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me." Genesis 16:13.  Hagar was the first of the trio involved in sin to call on the name of the Lord---the lowest one, the weakest one.  She knew that God saw all:  her betrayal to her mistress Sarah, her flight into a wilderness, her thirst at a fountain, her hunger to be fully known, her desire to be fully loved, her hopes for a child.  

A God of seeing.  And He wanted her just as she was with all the workings of her heart.  Beautiful repentance. Beautiful words. You are a God of Seeing---my betrayal, my flight, my thirst, my hunger to be known, my desire to be loved, my hope for a child.

Oh! to know the God of seeing a little more clearly this day!  The God Who sees everything with Eyes of Providence for He sees everything that is happening in all of our world. And there is so much happening in my world today that looms impossible, insignificant, incredible, ignominious.  May we trust You, God with what we cannot see.

A God of seeing Who wants me just as I am with all the workings of my heart. A shield round about me. Never assured of full exemption from life's sorrows. Always assured of full redemption by a Providential Hand.

Antique words written for this very day.

What outward/inward evils do we face? We know we made it through a global health crisis.                   

PHOTO:  Credit belongs to NASA on Flickr.  A "Doomed Star" - copyright free. 

Remember 11/16/1970.....I walked into the Catholic Church on the LSU campus because I was so torn over what was true. I went to Mass every single day of my life Kindergarten through 12th grade. The Mass was in Latin. Fast Forward to college (where my parents did not want me to go but I paid for it).  Campus Crusade (CRU today) had been sharing with me about becoming a Christian. They read the Four Spiritual Laws to me dozens and dozens of time. I didn't get it. How could they say the doctrine I believed was wrong---at least, that's what I felt like they were saying.  It's like you are climbing the ladder to heaven and you get to the top only to discover you were on the wrong ladder.  So, how do you know what is really the truth?  Twelve years at a parochial school christened me deeply in catholic doctrine.  What in the world is the priesthood of the believer?  Wait! You mean, I have direct access to God without the mediation of a priest.  Well, that's something! So, I started seriously searching for Truth my junior year in college. 

5 - "We Are All Headed to Another Country" Genesis 13-15

ETERNITY. You are headed to a heavenly country. What's the next stop along the way? Genesis 13:1 #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself

                                                  

My kids, they all live where I am not.  Except for one. Not for long, though.  I have to let them go. You spend 18 years together and the chapter ends. How can I live in the present moment without them. I love them so. Know this. We are all called to another country. Move on. Job done. Go on with God. Hold them close forever. 

The Creator of this wide world told Abram to go from his country, from his people, from his father's household to a land God would show. Gen 13:1 And so Abraham left Egypt. He and his wife and everything he owned. 

The Unknown. Don't we sit there in some ways this very day. I don't know how much longer we can live here in Austin. After a decade, I can say I have a host of supporters and followers. I feel deeply appreciated. And I feel deeply alone. I've made "no friends" here that will give me their presence. People are so caught up in their own lives. Then, throw a year's worth of a pandemic on the pile back in 2020. The Creator God just might be telling us to move, to go, to love, to stop. Why did Abram leave it all. Divine Guidance. His sole decision based on a premise---he was headed to a heavenly country and it was the next stop along the way. So, what's my next stop along the way? 

Photo: Brooke circa 1988 So, she left. 2012

4 - "Don't Live to Make A Name For Yourself" Genesis 10-12

BIG NAME Don't live in contempt of court. It's not right to live to make a name for yourself." Genesis 11:4 

                                                       

       

                                                         We live in such a celebrity society.

But, castles crumble. Unspoken pressure exists unaware to make a name for yourself.

"Let us build for ourselves a city so that we may make a name for ourselves." Genesis 11:4

10,000 fathoms high in the sky, One Kingdom.

It's the Wrong Kingdom to make a name, perpetuate who we are.

May we live transparent and see how we misdirect to make life center around our name.

We are all born with a given name. Barrett. Brroke. Blair. Britt.

May you live up to your names---the ones inscribed on His Hands. 

And my prayer for each of us is that we would call on His Name Alone. 

And I want to pass on what I think is deeply touching as I reflect over my life in a new year.
An ordinary life with a handful of followers.  People won't read me because they aren't interested in the unknown folks or in the older folks, anymore. In previous generations, we had clout. We would sit for hours playing games, dancing to music, reading books together, listening on end to stories from Aunt Gertie who lived with us. Aunt Hazel and Aunt Evelyn who came over every day. Not so in this culture.  

But what I have seen and heard and felt, I want to record for your kids, my children's children whom I will not know as adults but only as children. And I'll never know their children either.  Wish I could hold them.  So, I am writing to those future adults whom I love fiercely.  Think about these things. You can only hold one thought or so in your mind at a time---they say we have up to 60,000 thoughts per day. These are God's thoughts for us. And, the thought from today's reading is this---let us not defy or defeat the Counsel of Heaven. Don't live in contempt of court---contempt of the Divine Will, contempt of this counsel of Noah.  

Maybe, I'm wrong in some ways.  Maybe, I'm right in some ways about spiritual things.  Bob said tonight at our favorite Mexican restaurant, "Christianity is very disruptive."  It is.  So many things I don't know.  I just know I deeply understand and believe and trust and follow my Creator. Nothing can snatch me out of His Hands---not my brother.  It would have already happened... .

PHOTO:  Santa Rosa Island where we've gone for the past several decades every tender June. A children's castle caught my eye. A fragile fortress because... Castles can crumble. Live for Him not for ourselves.