Ancho Pepper in my Birthday Pie

Brookie is on U.S. soil somewhere in Texas. She doesn't have a cell phone YET but I bet she'll find one at Wal-Mart! On the way to the big Cajun wedding in Louisiana!!! Claire has found her true love and I hope that the presence of her God overwhelms them all this week! We love you baby Claire and we wish you all the happiness in your humble home and in your passionate life and in the beautiful God Who has so invaded your heart!

This has been the hardest week for me facing and embracing unexpected obstacles and opinions. And my beautiful God just rained down on me this afternoon---Deut 32:2--- as my good friend here took me to lunch for my birthday. Yep, it's tomorrow. We sat on a patio on historic 6th Street and as the sun beat on the top of my head at this turn-of-the-century Victorian house now restaurant, and with a cooler than normal breeze blowing in our faces, the conversation was straight from the God I so adore. My good friend encouraged me more than she'll ever know for right where I am this day. I so want to be further along in my walk with my beautiful God than I am. All He wants is me.

You know, if we just stay connected to Him, all we have to do is let His Beauty pour out of us---Psalm 50:2---and that's what just happened on sixth street. Right straight into this discouraged heart. She gave me a little hope for my solitary path. We all have a vacuum in our hearts and we can't make it alone in this life. No idle words this day, it was God's very life to me. Deut 32:47.

We ate the most decadent delectable chocolate cake for free for Z'Tejas birthday girls. It's called "Z'Tejas Ancho Fudge Pie." And it was unbelievably good! No way you can even taste the ancho peppers but it enhances the chocolate flavor to the utmost. And they even gave me the recipe. Here is a gift for you to cook for Thanksgiving that will make you popular. They say it wins the best dessert contests in Texas and I can see why. Didn't believe it until I tasted it for free. No way I could pay for pepper in my chocolate. The secret ingredient is the ancho peppers---yuk! Who would have ever thought? Wonder if the Indians used ancho peppers in their first Thanksgiving feast? Where do you even buy ancho peppers? What do they look like?? Sounds like "Whole Foods," HERE I COME...
PS - the recipes are on Z-Tejas' website if you want to take a look at their other stuff---I had blackened catfish enchiladas that tasted awesome---their ingredients are their big secrets and they give the recipes away on their site: http://ztejas.com/recipes.html

Z'Tejas Southwestern Grill Ancho Fudge Pie
Ingredients:
1 9-in Deep dish prepared pie crust
2 each Eggs
1/2 cup Flour
1/2 cup White Sugar
1/2 cup Brown Sugar
1 cup Butter (2 sticks)
1/2 cup Pecans
1/2 cup Walnuts
1 cup Chocolate Chips
3/4 cup Ancho Chile Peppers, ground

Recipe Directions:Ancho peppers are available whole. To grind, soften peppers in water for 30 minutes, drain,grind in blender. Do NOT use chile powder.Preparation:Melt butter and allow to cool. Toast pecans and walnuts in oven on flat sheet until lightly brown.Beat eggs well. Add white flour, white sugar and brown sugar. Mix until smooth. Add coolbutter, mix well.Mix in nuts and chocolate chips. Fold into mixture. Pour into prepared pie crust.Bake at 325 degrees for 45-55 minutes.

Hey, I might as well throw in their Corn Bread recipe too cause people say it's one of the best around. And they have it down to perfection! I'm going to try it this Thanksgiving with all my children coming home with their friends!!! And I am so making "Mocah With Linda"s Baked Potatoes recipe and Melissa's killer nachos.

T'Zejas Corn Bread

Ingredients:
Corn Meal 1 ½ cups
Flour 1 ½ cups
Sugar 1/3 cups plus 1 Tablespoon
Baking Powder 1 tablespoons
Baking Soda 1 tablespoons
Yogurt (plain) 1
Cream Corn 1/3 cups plus 1 Tablespoon
Corn (frozen) 1/3 cups plus 1 Tablespoon
Buttermilk 1 1/2 cups
Eggs 3 each
Butter (melted) 1/3 cups plus 1 Tablespoon
Salt 1/4 teaspoon

Preparation:
Mix all dry ingredients together. In a large mixing bowl, whisk all wet ingredients together.Then add dry ingredients to form batter.Use a small pre-heated skillet, spray with non-stick cooking spray and then fill with 9 oz ofbatter.Bake at 375 degrees for 16 minutes. Rotate at 8 minutes.These recipes prepared by using a convection oven so try 400 degrees in regular oven.Test by using a toothpick in the center of the corn bread. Toothpick should come out clean.

Monday Morning Cover to Cover......Do you love Me? Do you love Me? Do you love Me? John 21:15 and Peter answers: "What about John?" John 21:21

There is something that lingers with me from our chronological readings all week about what the people experienced. They were filled with awe. Do I have awe in my life over my God and the release of His Power? Acts 2:46, 47 means a lot to me today. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. I want to enjoy the favor of people not experience their silence or absence. This really meant something to me.

Jesus had just left them and one of his last words was that he left a "new" commandment. Not new in terms of time. But "new" in experience for them. It would be the Spirit of God pouring His love into them. We are totally dependent on His Spirit for life and love. Yet, why is our experience of love today so lackluster? Seems like there are so many programs to make Christianity work. So many principles to follow for blessings. But is it the love of my beautiful God that rules my heart? John 21:15 - "Simon, do you truly love Me"? Jesus asked three times, once for each of Peter's three denials. And our sweet LORD is asking each of us this very day. "Do you love Me?" I've thought so much about this verse over the past two years. What words come out of my mouth, out of my heart this day? Is it the love of my God that rules my heart? If not, celebrate. There is grace for our sin! The problem is our repentance is so shallow, so meager, so intermittent, so scattered, so distracted. Does love rule my heart more than the things of this world. Do we live for this world or another world?

In John 21:21, Peter says: "What about John"? This so happens to me. I look at my own spiritual growth and then look at others and say why can't I be validated like they are or successful like they are. And Jesus firmly said to Peter: "What's that to you? You follow Me."

The question for believers is no longer what will we do with this Jesus but the question becomes what will God do with us when we refuse to trust Him? Will I deal with my doubt and celebrate that there is grace for my sin? Again, some of his last words: "some still doubted but Jesus said: 'Go and make disciples...I am with you always.' " "Why are you troubled? Why do doubts arise in your mind? It is I myself! Touch me and see." Jesus is always inviting us to touch Him.

What is going on in me if my mind is not "open" to the Scriptures? Luke 24:45---Jesus opened their minds as they walked the Emmaus Road so that they could understand the Scriptures. Do I have not because I ask not, says James.

What I have loved about reading the Bible chronologically is such a picture of truth in the readings this week. Unlearned and untrained men walked with Jesus face-to-face. They doubted Him over and over, in their hearts and in the marketplace. Yet, when the Holy Spirit of God came on these same decrepit, doubtful, depressed, damaged disciples, they touched the Jesus that invited them to rely on His power. And He began working a work of faith with power. II Thes 1:11, 12---it's my prayer for you this day!

Monday Morning Cover to Cover.......The gardener is calling your name - John 20:15

Just drove across the bridge here in the city where I sit on a dismal day. No sunlight in my home or heart, but it is morning and His mercy on me is brand new. Things haven't turned out like I had hoped they would. And I mean good things. So grateful to God for standing me up at this time in my life, for lifting my head in the midst of some bleak stuff. Much praise rising in my heart to Him for Who He is in my life and that when I turn to Him, He listens and loves. Morning has broken open, the birds are singing, the wind is whipping the leaves about, and parts of me feel like I could burst for my God is saying to me this bleary beautiful morn: "I have come to you." He doesn't leave us like orphans.

Here's my posting on what lingers with me from the chronological readings this week.

HAVE I FALLEN AWAY FROM GOD IN MY BUSY LIFE, IN MY BUSY THOUGHTS? There's a thread through my week tugging at my heart about "falling away from Me." Matt 26:31. The disciples sang a hymn with Jesus. Wonder what that was like. I so adore singing worship songs to my beautiful God. I love doing it with others! But I can't imagine standing there in His Presence singing it with Him, to Him, for Him. And the next words out of Jesus' mouth were:
"This night, you will all fall away from Me." I think people think that music sweeps away their sins. No, only repentance does. It's what we do with those things that bother us in the fray of our hearts.

IN THE MIDST OF MY CIRCUMSTANCES, AM I LIVING OUT OF A GOOD PLACE IN MY HEART? John 15:5 - "Apart from Me, you can do nothing." We think we can be overcomers and hold our heads high, and set out face like a flint to do the right things, and dig way down deep and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. But what does that count for? Apart from God, we can do nothing of value for eternity. We might look pretty good in this world. Maybe we are even successful in what we touch. But are we living life out of our old nature that we are so comfortable with or do we live out of our new nature. Seems to me that it gets mixed up. We are living out of the old and people see right through our arrogance, our pride. Yet, we think we are doing right. Apart from Christ, what we do amounts to nothing.

DO I BELIEVE THE MIRACLES I HAVE SEEN? This has been a difficult week for me. Extremely. So, how do I live and embrace what God has allowed, provided, planned, when it's not what I had hoped for. It's not what I thought I really needed. Here I am telling the God who hosts the starry skies tonight what I think I need. How arrogant of me! There's a thought in John 14:11 that has helped me in my dark week. "Believe in the miracles you have seen." I don't see any miracles in the place where I am tonight but I can believe in the Ones I have seen. And I can know way down deep that Jesus prayed for me this day "that my faith fail not." Luke 22:31.

And I just broke down and wept when Jesus said: “I won’t leave you as orphans. I will come to you.” I have felt like an orphan all of my life. I am an orphan this day having no parents. Never felt loved when I had them. But those five words just overwhelm me:I WILL COME TO YOU …

AM I IGNORING MY CIRCUMSTANCES OR EMBRACING AND ENTERING THE PLACE GOD HAS FOR ME? Luke 22:42 - I am so moved that even Jesus asked the Father if He was willing to take the cup from Him—-yet not my will, but Yours be done. Jesus didn’t deny the pain He faced but He embraced the will of the Father. May we not deny what we are in nor ignore it but enter and embrace what God has provided and willed for our lives.

DO YOU HEAR YOUR BEAUTIFUL GOD CALLING YOUR NAME TONIGHT? John 20:15 "Woman," Jesus said, "why are you crying?" He appeared to Mary but she thought He was the gardener. I wonder how many times I have missed my beautiful God thinking he was the gardener??? But when he said her name, she knew. God called my name this week as a sweet special ed student blew me a kiss goodbye. I'll never forget the moment. I had spent most of that day teaching fighting back the tears. And God so showed up for me.

I sit here in my pain with tears rolling down my cheeks knowing that my Jesus is calling my name, calling your name tonight. He is risen. He is alive. Apart from Him, we can't do anything that counts.

God Kissed Me Today

Something happened to me yesterday that disappointed me beyond measure. I had been waiting for 5 months for an answer on an event that I thought would help me find my beautiful God in ways I have not. The answer came yesterday and it was "no." I had to embrace the loss and remain there not denying its existence nor feeding it with pleasure. Isaiah 40:1-4 are verses that have come to mean a lot to me this year. It seems to me that people deal with disappointment by pushing it down and trying to be an overcomer or saying I am going to accept that as my lot from God and move on or even try to explain it away. But I must face the disappointment, the loss, the hurt, and wrestle with my beautiful God Who has different plans for me. And as these verses in Isaiah say: He promises us that if we really want to know Him, then HE will lower our mountains and raise our valleys up so that we may know the God we so long for. The promise is not to fix our world, or give us the better life here, but to truly know Him. Yesterday I read the words of Jesus saying that if there was anyway, let this cup pass from Me. He was honest with right where He was. And He was God. He didn't say: "It's all right." "I'll be fine." "They can do to me whatever they want." No, He said, take it away. Then He stood to remain in the suffering and embrace God's will. May I stand today to remain in my suffering of disappointment. I do feel my valley has been raised a little overnight. I subbed and sobbed at a Special Ed Department yesterday with precious kids close to the heart of God. I asked my sovereign LORD to speak to me in my immense disappointment and He did: He spoke to me Isaiah 41:17 which says----I hear you Bev in your desert! I will make pools of water for you in your wilderness, for you who are needy at this moment. And He did. Yesterday, as my last student parted my presence, she turned back around to me on her crippled feet and threw me the biggest kiss ever using both of her crippled hands. It was straight from the mouth of my beautiful God!

Two Kinds of People---Democrats and Republicans

This post is being e-mailed to people in my address book AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO STOP IT!!! I've never seen that happen before! Is it a virus or what?? I apologize if it was e-mailed to you---not my intent. Here's the post: Well, my presidential candidate just lost and I am very sad this night because it seems to me that a race was not decided on issues. People do vote with their pocketbooks. "Personal peace and affluence" says Francis Schaeffer. But I may be wrong. But, I do know this...there are two kinds of people in the U.S. --- and it is not Democrats and Republicans. There are those who trust God and those who do not trust God. Nothing changed tonight. We still trust God and will pray for His Hand to be on our new president-elect and on our country and its leaders. Acts 11:21.

I just watched a video of McCain's concession speech and oh my was he ever gracious! I liked when he said that he has "no regrets." He so graciously thanked people who so served him---people like my daughter Blair in Washington DC who so serves her country. (She met Joe the Plumber while campaigning in Ohio yesterday. I have the photo on my laptop at school so I'll have to post the pic tomorrow.) And I love that McCain always talks about remaining a servant. And I liked that he said that "he holds in his heart a love for this country and its citizens." I hold him and his POW story in my heart! And then he wishes Obama godspeed! And tells us not to despair in our difficulties but never quit! Never hide in history---just make it. I only have a certain amount of time left in life---don't we all---but I don't want to spend my later years hiding in my heart, hiding in my house, hiding in my actions. So thrilled I am free tonight and becoming more free being redeemed from my old nature---if I can just keep recognizing it all the more as the Day draws near.

I had the privilege of teaching US History this very day and one of my students shared Psalm 75: 6,7 with me this morning as we talked about the election. And it is a verse that is very true as night falls on the close of an ordinary working day that will be chronicled in every history book forever. Praying for our new president for God's protection and presence in his life.

Monday Morning Cover to Cover................She Did What She Could - Mark 14:6

19 days and this mom is counting. Brookie is flying home from Thailand for Thanksgiving. Barrett is in Korea racing and he'll be flying back soon and bringing sweet Lauren. Blair is flying in from DC and bringing her friend Patrick whom we have not met yet. The funny thing is that they all booked their flights to Dallas and we don't live there anymore! It will always be their home where they grew up.

Still struggling over here with some health issues. But for me these days, life isn't about solving problems and everything working out...it's all about trusting Him in the midst of what He is doing and what He has provided, no matter what. God is so showing up in Austin in the midst of some difficult times for me. Couldn't be more grateful for His Presence, His Power. Deut 4:37,38.

Three pictures linger with me from reading the chronological Bible this week.

1. Zaccheus Climbing a Tree. Luke 19:4. Am I climbing trees to find my God? Am I spiritually hungry like this guy? I think I am at times. And Jesus says in Luke 19:42: If you only knew what would bring you peace. I keep asking myself that question. What will bring me peace? Not solve my problems, my issues. There is one that looms too large. But how can I find my rest in Him in the midst of these difficulties. And in the midst of confusion--- just like the disciples who lived confused and Jesus was right there with them. John 12:16. Jesus didn't explain everything away to them. He let them wrestle with truth. May we wrestle well to find the escape from the anxieties of this life that He talks about in Luke 21:34. I think most of my anxiety stems from wanting to look good. As He said in Matt. 23:5 - "done for men." Looking good in the marketplace. Matt 23:7. There is so much put on us to be successful in the eyes of this world. So when the pressures hit this day, one question for me is what will my God do with me if I don't trust in His Goodness? He is waiting and watching at the bottom of the tree where a sinner sat looking for Him.

2. Jesus Washing Their Feet. John 13:14. Wash one another's feet. Do I assess whose feet I want to wash? It's a humbling thought. A pastor called me out of the audience to wash my feet. All I could do was weep. Washing feet doesn't make you clean on the inside. We can be righteous on the outside and not on the inside. Matt 23:28. We can give out of our poverty or wealth. Mark 12:44. Wonder what is going on inside of our minds and hearts this moment as we face our lives? Mean thoughts? Unkind words? Are we repenting of what is going on? Jesus tells us all we have to do is love. Can we do it without Him. We can do a lot without God but it means nothing, no eternal value. Are we giving out of our poverty or wealth? Are we sitting at the Lord's supper table clean on the inside? Life isn't about behavior modification. It's all about dealing with the fray of our heart and repenting from what's inside that makes us unclean---pride, self ambition, self obsessions. We so want to be saved from everything in this life. But Jesus said: "save me from this hour, NO, it was for this very reason I came to this hour." John 12:27. As we encounter the moments in our lives, may our eyes be opened to see what our beautiful God is doing in our lives and trust His goodness.

3. A Woman Pouring Perfume. He is a good God watching and waiting for us to return to Him in our every thought, our every move. Just like the woman who poured perfume on Him. Mark 14:6. A sinner who had repented. The perfume was worth one year's wage at that time. Oh my goodness! She did what she could! She responded to that prompting inside to lavish love without thinking about what others would think. She had no idea that she was preparing Him for His burial. She did know what the cost of her alabaster box was---she knew what she had been saved from! My prayer for you this week is that you love Him extravagantly!

Monday Morning Cover to Cover............No One Can Snatch Me Out of His Hand - John 5:28

Mum is still the word in Austin. I’ve never seen anything like it for homecoming attire! We had mums in high school but I thought they were extinct. Uh uh, not in Austin. One high school here raises $10,000 on their mum sales. The moms do it. Unbelievable. Britt is on his third homecoming in a row. Hyde Park’s was first with his new best friends and he got 2 mums---boy mums. Then Anderson was last week with faithful friends and now Lake Country this weekend with his forever friends.

We are in Fort Worth emptying our attics. My diligent oldest son plowed ahead of me and tossed about 20 garbage bags before I arrived. It was good. The verse I read this morning said: "Say good-bye to your possessions if you want to be my disciple." Ooooh.

So what lingers with you as you read the Bible this week? We've had quite a bout with strept and are still recovering. Thank you so much for your prayers! You move the hands of God. God acts in our behalf and He has certainly shown up in this place this week. Couldn't be more awed and grateful!

HOW CAN I UNWRAP THOSE WHO ARE BOUND?…..There are some words in John 11:43 that will remain with me for the rest of my life. It’s the beautiful story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. “Come out Lazarus!” So we know Lazarus could walk but his hands and feet and face were wrapped with laboriously heavy strips of linen. Some say they weighed over fifty pounds. And Jesus said to Lazarus’ mother and friends: “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.” John 11:44. Lazarus rose from the dead but he needed someone to help him take off what still had him bound. Aren’t we like that? Jesus frees us up but yet we still need others. And I love thinking that Jesus wants us to go around taking the grave cloths off of our friends and family who are bound. Ever wonder how to do that??

WHAT WOULD JESUS SAY TO ME IF HE WALKED INTO THE ROOM RIGHT NOW?
Would He tell you how disappointed He was in you? Would He rebuke you and throw over your table? No, if you are alive to Him, then Luke 15:20 - The father was filled with compassion and He ran to His son and threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And the son’s reply is probably what you and I would say this day if we are sitting in our sin, in our old natures…we’d say “I have sinned in your Sight.” But our Father is saying: You are alive in Me. You are found. You are known. He knows our frame. He surrounds us with His compassion and love. What a Father! So what would He say to you if He walked in right now?

WHAT IF I CRY OUT CONSTANTLY? Will not our beautiful God give justice if we cry out to Him day and night?? Luke 18:7. That verse so speaks to me to be like that persistent widow bothering the judge, and not stop crying out to my God Who will fight for me. I really need Him so for no man can fill the hole in my heart.

WHAT ABOUT THE MIRACLES GOD HAS DONE FOR YOU? Think about those many many miracles God has performed in you and through you. Just this weekend, something happened that could only be explained in terms of God did it! You know what I mean. John 5:38 says to believe the miracles and you will find your beautiful God there.

WHAT IF I AM TERRIFIED OUT OF MY MIND OVER STUFF? I spent so many many years of my life being terrified of my brother. When you witness the violence that I did, if I think that I have to protect myself in life, then we really are in trouble. God spoke to me through John 5:28 that "no one can snatch me out of His Hand.” No one!

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU? Mark 10:36. Jesus asked this question to the disciples. He is asking the same question to you and to me this very night. The sons of Zebedee replied, "Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory." There have been too many times I have asked for the same thing. God, don't let me fail. Let me have success in your ministry, in this life. Let my book sell. Let people respond to me. Let me end my life with a successful ministry bringing many people to You. Sounds great. But is it for God's glory or our own measure. Jesus came not only to be ministered unto but to minister to others. Mark 10:45.

Have a great week filled with His Presence and His Power, Deut 4:27. May we recognize when we are living in our old nature. May your Counselor, the Holy Spirit, let you know. We don't have to dig. He'll pierce and melt and blast and comfort our hearts! Looking forward to what only HE can do in our lives this week.

Monday Morning Cover to Cover.............5 Loaves and 2 Fish and a beautiful God shows up - Mark 6:41

At 1:45pm on Friday, I swallowed and it happened in one swallow, one second. It was like fireworks burst in my throat. I am not being dramatic this time. I experienced the most horrible pain in my throat ever as an adult. My teaching job ended at 2:00pm and I went straight to one of those Minute Clinics and got an antibiotic. I remember having strept throat as a kid but it was nothing like this. A couple of days later and the severe throat pain has subsided but now I have a pain in my back that is simply excruciating. Plus I am still hobbling around on my foot with plantars fasciitis. The verses we read this week mean a lot to me as I face some small pervasive trials.

Matthew 11:28 lingers with me from our reading the chronological readings this week. I am weary and burdened not only physically but with another trial I am facing in my heart. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I need to find that place of rest in this scared heart of mine today. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." I weep as I read these words. They are so for me and so full of hope.

Just as Jesus said to Martha in Luke 10:41 - you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. That's all I need to hear. That's where I need to go. My beautiful God is saying "Come closer." My God wants me to see things more clearly. Two and one-half years ago, I sat in church and my pastor shared a verse that we read this week—Mark 8:24. The blind man was touched by Jesus. What do you see? “I see people—they look to me like trees walking.” I prayed that day that I could see more clearly my Lord and my life for I knew I had been touched by God for the 30 years I followed Him but there were some areas in my life I just couldn't see clearly nor get victory in those areas of self hatred and ambivalence and a poor self image. Three days later, news would come that devastated me and we left the church and friends who loved us and whom we loved so very much. God was healing me and helping me to see more clearly. Sometimes suffering brings sight and release that I would have never found in safety.

Life is hard to understand at times. Are we seeking Him for what He can do for us or just because we love Him so much and want to be in a relationship with Him, no matter what He does for us or through us or in us. Matt 6:26, 27 - "Are you seeking Me because you saw signs or because you ate your fill of the loaves and you want more?" Sometimes I am working way too hard for the food that perishes. "Labor for the food that endures to eternal life."

And I'll end with a story that will remain with me for the rest of my life. It's the story of 5 loaves and 2 fish. Mark 6:41,42. There are areas of my life that unless my beautiful God shows up and changes the 5 loaves and 2 fish into a miracle, then I'll never change. My prayer for you today is this story--- that the God who can feed over 10,000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish is the same God present for you this moment in whatever you face. May you be filled with His Power and His Presence to believe Him and enter a rest you know not.

Monday Morning Cover to Cover........Blessed is the One Not Offended by Me - Matt 11:6...always Go to Him not just studying diligently - John 5:39

We just walked by the light of the moon. Incredible clouds. Round full moon. My husband by my side. A prayer that we walk and live "all in." And I thought about Jesus walking by the light of the moon only. And to think he placed us at this moment in history and in this privileged country. I wonder why sometimes for we have so much in comparison to so many. Jesus is asking us "What do we want?" and I am asking Him tonight "What does HE want of me?"

I tried to move our Monday Morning bible study Cover to Cover reading through the Bible chronologically to another new blog. Blogger set up a violation block on it. They lifted it or so it seems but I cannot get it to work...so we are moving back here on Monday mornings. I think Karen will be glad! Here's my Monday morning post...

If you dropped by for Monday Morning Cover to Cover, here is what lingers with me after reading the chronological readings for this week. To watch Jesus walking through his life in four gospels at the same time...ooohhh! It seems like his public ministry all happened so fast. How could the disciples grasp in their hearts what they had just witnessed this week:
the funeral of a widow's only son being reversed,
and Jairus' dead daughter rising up from the dead and
a very sick woman touching His Hem and being healed.
And at that same moment,they were burying a headless John the Baptistwhile his mother Elizabeth grieved for the loss of her son.

Matthew 7:13 so lingers with me through life. We read it this week: "Enter through the narrow gate…small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Only a few find it. Only a few find life. What does it take to be that few? I don’t want to miss God in my life. I’m looking for that narrow road where it’s not about saying and doing the right things but it’s all about being with HIM, no matter what. No matter if he heals my sickness or not; raises my dead or not; rescues me from my prison or not. What HE has called us to is impossible—it's just not possible to love our enemies, to take the log out of my own eye. But HE can and can make me want to. Where’s that narrow road that leads to life? I think a lot of Christians think they are on that narrow road---and they are really living for this world and for themselves. How tragic if we spend our lives and miss it. But, all I can do is deal with fray of my own heart on my narrow road---and it's not a road paved with success and numbers and performance. No, it's a single surreal road of suffering, silence, and surrender in the Presence of Holy, Almighty God.

"Out of the abundance of whatever is in our heart, our mouth speaks." Luke 6:45. Pay close attention what comes out of your mouth. Let your sin surprise you and take the log out of your own eye. Luke 6:42. I’m speaking to myself.

Jesus said to the Roman soldier in John 4:48, do you want signs and miracles so you can believe? Or do we just take Him at His Word? “Blessed is the one who is not offended by Me.” Matthew 11:6. And whatever our beautiful God chooses to do or not do. John was in prison and sent word to Jesus—”Are you the One?” Wonder if John held hope that Jesus would free him from the prison bars because, after all was said and done, John was there for the cause of Jesus and His mission. I can’t help but think that John had to entertain thoughts that Jesus would free him. Jesus answered John: “What you hear (about ME) and see—the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them.” It’s all true John, says Jesus. I am the ONE. And blessed is the One who is not offended by me and what I am about to do for you. Jesus didn’t free John from the prison. He didn’t rescue John. John was beheaded, his head on a platter at the request of a vicious seductive woman.

And what did Jesus say of John? Matthew 11:11 “Among those born of women, there has arisen no one greater than John the Baptist.” I make decisions so pitifully by observation of what I see. Jesus loves me if life happens this way. If not, I am not loved. Did Jesus love John? Oh my! I don’t want to maneuver through life trying to make it work and find happiness. I want to lose my life for the sake of Christ, no matter what! So what does that mean for me this morning? Am I offended by what Christ is doing or not doing for me on that narrow path. How am I interpreting my life circumstances?In the parable of the sower in Matt 13:15, I think that I sometimes read the Bible thinking that if I do this, then God will do this. But the context of this story is John in prison asking Jesus if He was the one and the will of God was to leave John in prison—-YET John could be free even in prison, couldn’t he? Our circumstances working out do not make us free. It’s what is in our heart. “For this people’s heart has become calloused;they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes." I need to humble myself today and deal with my heart. So how do I do that? God just brought to my mind something to do, something to believe. I will. Otherwise, I might not see with my eyes cause all my eyes see is that things aren't coming together well. Otherwise, I might not hear with my ears cause what my ears here is that I am not doing the right things. Otherwise I might not understand with my heart so I’ll go find the will of my beautiful LORD for this day. I probably am not making sense but I’m struggling through this chapter on a narrow road, and trying to lay it before Him Who is Unseen on this narrow road.

It so grabs me that Jesus explained the parables privately to his disciples. Wonder what He is explaining to us privately in our own lives—are we listening? Am I lifting my hand to touch the hem of His garment? I'm invited this day to touch the hem on this narrow road. I am not alone. Mark 5:36 has lingered with me over decades. It’s one of those verses I think about constantly on the narrow road. He has brought me through much. Mark 5:36 says: "Only believe." Translated: Keep on Believing. It’s progressive tense. Not just for one time. Jairus knew his daughter was dead. He had to walk with Jesus to his home—it was a journey that would take longer than a day. Wonder what Jesus told him as they walked. We think of things happening instantly in time but this miracle happened a couple of days after she died. Some of you know the desperation you face when your children die. I was pregnant with a child and had to check myself into a hospital for them to take my baby’s life or we would both die. You could have heard my heaving crying as I sat alone in the ER waiting room while people stared at me. When I got to my hospital bed, I smoothed out the sheets and prayed to my beautiful God that He sit in that bed with me and help me face my unwanted sorrow, my incredible loss, cause the pain was unbearable for me. My God was there but He didn't take away my sorrows---He helped me enter them. This father in this story trusted blindly wildly humbly in abandonment. As we face our circumstances, may we find the courage to live out God’s will on the narrow path He has us on, not our own will.

And I will end with John 5:39 ---so powerful. I think there are many who believe that if you study the Word of God, you will have life. The verse says: “You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.” We have to go to God Himself, the Living Word! Matthew 10:38 - Anyone who loves his father or mother or son or daughter more than Me as he walks on his narrow road is not worthy of Me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” I wonder if too many people today are trying to find their life on a narrow road. The only way we will find life of that narrow road is to lose our lives for His Sake. So what does that look like in your life today?

Randomness

* Still hobbling around. Think I may have plantar fasciitis. It's called flip flop fasciitis. I've had to retire the sandals. I so miss walking/jogging. Some days I can barely hobble.

* Went to hear Chris's band at Gateway. Oh my goodness. I was the only one there taking notes from a band while tears streamed down. They sang this Switchfoot song that so stirred my heart! "Meant to Live for So Much More." I have so been thinking about that lately that there is so much more.

* If you dropped by for Monday Morning Cover to Cover, I have moved it to:
http://covertocoverchronologically.blogspot.com
Come on over and visit us there. There are 20 of us who are reading the New Testament chronologically together. You are always welcome to join us at any time. I won't be posting cover to cover here anymore but you can find us
DAILY at http://engagethejourney08.wordpress.com/ and every
MONDAY at http://covertocoverchronologically.blogspot.com

* A new friend took me to lunch. The Oasis. If you ever visit here, that's where I am taking you. It's the sunset capital of Texas. The waitstaff applaud at sunset. Wonder if they know Who they are applauding. It's spectacular sunsets like in a Mediterranean setting over Lake Travis.

* Our renter in Fort Worth bailed on us---wasn't what he wanted. So there we stood last Saturday with Macy, our dog, home alone in an empty house. Bob made a quick run to pick her up and brought her here to Austin. Our pastor's family babysat her for this week---is that unbelievable that they did that or what??? We cannot have animals where we live. She is back home with Barrett today who flies in from France

* Speaking of Barrett...my son is home from his long stay in France and this mom is so happy he's here in Texas. He's actually been at a race in China so we're so glad to have him back. Hop on a train and come visit us!!! Hint hint hint....

* Our finances kind of dipped this past week with all our start up stuff and I still had no job. So, here comes in the mail a huge check from a past employer and another huge check from an unexpected friend. I was so humbled by our good sovereign God. I read yesterday in Matthew 6 that life is not about blessings and money but it's all about putting first things first.

* I have a job!!! Oh, I am so very grateful! It has been six weeks of waiting. Finally was approved on Friday to work for the Austin ISD as a substitute teacher. I start tomorrow. Thought I could work like right away when I got here so that has set us back. No surprise to God---He provided in another way and taught me much along that way.

* The move here has probably been a little harder on me than my boys. Bob goes to his church every day surrounded by staff and people. Britt is at a great school that he loves and has made many "besties." I've been at home for the past six weeks and it's harder to meet people. I do already have precious friends but a lot is so unfamiliar to me. But God has been so very real to me in all of this. So grateful for His Presence. As I glance back on what I left behind and the loss is real, I can't help but see the beautiful peace that God has brought to me and is bringing to me. A rendezvous with rest that I've not known. A little bit of a shift is happening over here! Only God can do that!